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Original poster

Daughter not soeaky

214 replies

Doglover36 · 08/10/2025 18:41

Granddaughter is 6 months old.. husband kissed her on back of head my daughter has not spoken to us since.. saying that we shouldn't of kissed her child.. anyones thoughts?

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 08/10/2025 21:08

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 08/10/2025 20:48

Surely if someone's got a cold sore or RSV they're more likely to transfer the virus from touching baby's hands with their hands or sitting up close face-to-face playing/talking/laughing or coughing/sneezing in the vicinity/over surfaces baby will touch, than they are by kissing the back of baby's head? I'm not a doctor, but I'm thinking it's inhalation of droplets or ingestion that's the risk. Viruses can't be absorbed through the skin can they?!

I think cold sores are spread by contact not droplets. It differs depending on the virus.

Tangerinenets · 08/10/2025 21:07

Iloveeverycat · 08/10/2025 19:11

Why are parents so weird nowadays.
Don't they realise that germs help with immunity.

Edited

I agree. Totally weird.

Nextweektoo · 08/10/2025 21:05

Your own dad though? Come on, unless.there is massive back story...

TheFiveLakes · 08/10/2025 21:04

oviraptor21 · 08/10/2025 21:01

Why does the OP having a cold sore mean her DH can't kiss the GD? Does all seem a bit OTT. Are you or your DH allowed to cuddle the baby? Such a sad world we live in that little children are missing out on cuddles and kisses, not just from family but in childcare settings too.

The herpes simplex virus is a common cause of neurological damage in children under two - you can easily look it up.

TheFiveLakes · 08/10/2025 21:02

realsavagelike · 08/10/2025 20:51

HSV, not hepatitis. Although your point about hepatitis still stands...

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Sorry yes - HSV is responsible for almost a quarter of neurological damage occurring in UK infants postnatally but before the agecof two. It can cause brain damage and occasionally death.

oviraptor21 · 08/10/2025 21:01

Why does the OP having a cold sore mean her DH can't kiss the GD? Does all seem a bit OTT. Are you or your DH allowed to cuddle the baby? Such a sad world we live in that little children are missing out on cuddles and kisses, not just from family but in childcare settings too.

padronpepper · 08/10/2025 21:00

@NotSmallButFunSize
Maybe the op's daughter has learned from her mother?

WannabeMathematician · 08/10/2025 20:59

Context is key. You do seem to have form for kissing babies without knowing you have a cold sore, judging by your previous posts so I can see why they are pissed.

RubyBirdy · 08/10/2025 20:59

I had bad OCD which peaked when I had my daughter, the worry about RSV and cold sores was crippling. She did get RSV at 10 months old from nursery and it was horrific. Your daughter is over reacting but it may be a sign she’s struggling. It’s also not unfair of her to ask you not to kiss the baby because trust me, you don’t want the baby to get RSV.

Growlybear83 · 08/10/2025 20:58

CherrieTomaties · 08/10/2025 20:57

You don’t see the problem?

He went against and ignored his daughter’s wishes, and crossed a boundary. But you don’t see the problem?

How arrogant.

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🙄🙄🙄

ThoseThreeBeautifulNights · 08/10/2025 20:57

BananaPeels · 08/10/2025 20:53

Because it is part of bonding. I loved kissing my babies and my mum was my right hand women when I had mine so wouldn’t have thought about stopping her kissing my babies . I honestly couldn’t have done without her given my babies were awful!

but, that said cold sores are different and we would have been very careful of someone had those. My grandmother was kissed as a baby by someone with one and suffered her whole life. That is a very pertinent detail and would expect anyone with the active virus to be very careful.

Edited
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It doesn’t have to be active to spread. If you have the virus, you shed small amounts all the time

CherrieTomaties · 08/10/2025 20:57

Growlybear83 · 08/10/2025 20:51

Yes I saw that. The OP’s husband kissed the baby on the back of the head - even if he had an active cold sore I still don’t see the problem. But even if the daughter is as obsessive about germs as she sounds, to not speak to her parents for this long is just beyond ridiculous.

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You don’t see the problem?

He went against and ignored his daughter’s wishes, and crossed a boundary. But you don’t see the problem?

How arrogant.

LBFseBrom · 08/10/2025 20:57

Shouldn't he of indeed? :-)

TomatoSandwiches · 08/10/2025 20:56

tragichero · 08/10/2025 20:54

That attitude always really concerns me. Could be used to justify all kinds of concerning and potentially even abusive behaviour.

Parents aren't omniscient gods and they don't own their children. Nobody owns anybody else.

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It's the parents responsibility to keep their child safe, keeping the baby away from people who knowingly expose her to herpes is being a responsible parent.

NotSmallButFunSize · 08/10/2025 20:55

Putting aside the asking you not to thing (which I think is OTT by the way) - she needs to grow up and actually have a conversation with you.

The silent treatment is for emotionally immature people - good luck to her dealing with teaching her child how to deal with emotions!!

TomatoSandwiches · 08/10/2025 20:55

You and your husband are being disgustingly selfish knowingly kissing a 6 month old ehen you've got herpes.

I doubt she will get back in contact, I wouldn't blame her.

tragichero · 08/10/2025 20:54

mamabluestar · 08/10/2025 19:04

Her baby and her wishes

That attitude always really concerns me. Could be used to justify all kinds of concerning and potentially even abusive behaviour.

Parents aren't omniscient gods and they don't own their children. Nobody owns anybody else.

BananaPeels · 08/10/2025 20:53

k1233 · 08/10/2025 20:50

I think it's weird to kiss a baby. Why? What benefit does it have to the baby?

Why do people feel they have to kiss babies? I've not got an issue with germs. I just cannot understand why adults need to put their spit on a baby.

Edited
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Because it is part of bonding. I loved kissing my babies and my mum was my right hand women when I had mine so wouldn’t have thought about stopping her kissing my babies . I honestly couldn’t have done without her given my babies were awful!

but, that said cold sores are different and we would have been very careful of someone had those. My grandmother was kissed as a baby by someone with one and suffered her whole life. That is a very pertinent detail and would expect anyone with the active virus to be very careful.

LooseCanyon · 08/10/2025 20:53

Growlybear83 · 08/10/2025 20:51

Yes I saw that. The OP’s husband kissed the baby on the back of the head - even if he had an active cold sore I still don’t see the problem. But even if the daughter is as obsessive about germs as she sounds, to not speak to her parents for this long is just beyond ridiculous.

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Yes well the OP has slipped up a bit here, by telling the truth by accident:

saying that we shouldn't of kissed her child..

Dymaxion · 08/10/2025 20:52

It sounds as though there is some anxiety at play here ? Was the baby poorly or premature at birth ?
I presume she isn't taking the baby out of the home if she is worried about RSV , no trips to baby classes or supermarkets or on public transport ?
You could easily solve this by getting Grandad to apologise for overstepping her boundaries.

realsavagelike · 08/10/2025 20:51

TheFiveLakes · 08/10/2025 20:49

Wow.

I hope all the "ooh what a nutter your daughter is OP, your daughter should chill and granddaughter needs lots of lovely germs" pick-me posters will at least be aware that a baby most certainly does not need the hepatitis virus!

Children's immune systems mature by around the age of seven - yes, gradual exposure to germs helps it develop, but overloading a baby's very immature immune system is completely counterproductive. Someone recuperating from a very long illness or serious accident or operation starts with gentle walks first, not with a marathon, and it's the same thing with gradual exposure, not a full onslaught on an immune system nowhere near ready. Nobody's immune system benefits from herpes.

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HSV, not hepatitis. Although your point about hepatitis still stands...

Doteycat · 08/10/2025 20:51

Jesus wept, I wouldnt let anyone with a Coldsore kiss ME never mind a baby.
Come on ffs, thats rediculous OP and you know it.
How you arent pleading for forgiveness is beyond me.

Growlybear83 · 08/10/2025 20:51

padronpepper · 08/10/2025 20:46

@Growlybear83
The op has - conveniently - omitted the very pertinent detail that she had a cold sore last month and was holding her daughter's baby. I'd say her daughter is fed up.

Yes I saw that. The OP’s husband kissed the baby on the back of the head - even if he had an active cold sore I still don’t see the problem. But even if the daughter is as obsessive about germs as she sounds, to not speak to her parents for this long is just beyond ridiculous.

Spookyspaghetti · 08/10/2025 20:51

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/10/2025 20:29

I guess some people saw the movie "The Boy In The Bubble" and decided it looked like fun.

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https://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/our-services/services-we-offer/maternity/after-your-baby-is-born/keeping-your-baby-safe-think-hands-and-no-kisses-thanks/

It’s recommend by the NHS and lullaby trust nowadays. Young babies are still developing an immune system. Some germs from touching the floor might be beneficial to older babies but some colds that are mild in adults can be very dangerous for young babies. It’s not a case of a serious infection boosting their immune system.

When my DM died in her 60s a childhood illness was put as a contributory factor in the death certificate. (Just illustrating how scaring from respiratory infection can have a lifelong effect)

Keeping your baby safe: think hands and no kisses (THANKS)

https://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/our-services/services-we-offer/maternity/after-your-baby-is-born/keeping-your-baby-safe-think-hands-and-no-kisses-thanks

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 08/10/2025 20:50

LadyGreyjoy · 08/10/2025 20:49

Herpes is transmitted by touch. If you have a cold sore on your face, then kiss someone, you give them herpes.

Edited
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But surely only if you kiss their face?

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