Daughter not soeaky

equally, I am going to put a laugh emoji on this one.
She might find it creepy an old man to kiss the baby on the back of the head

For heaven's sake, you can't get herpes off bedding or clothing.
The baby will be crawling about putting all kinds of crap in her mouth in no time. Silly girl has spent far too long on Google.
Throwing her toys out the pram for a MONTH???

It makes more sense now. You always have cold sores, DP likely kisses you, DD said don’t kiss the baby as it could spread illness, you’ve both gone and kissed the baby.

So DD is thinking what the fuck do I have to do here, they won’t listen to me, my baby is going to end up with herpes at this rate - why won’t my own parents respect me and why would they risk the baby’s health?

Not talking to you for a month for kissing the baby on the back of the head sounds like a huge over reaction. But anxiety, tiredness and hormonal imbalance can make the parents of young children a bit prone to that sometimes.

Has he apologised?

I would wonder though, why your DH did something he’d been asked not to do and which didn’t need doing? And whether, especially given she’s kept it up for a month, this reaction was less to do with over reacting and being unreasonable and more to do with it being the straw that broke the camels back. If she was just sick of you (DH) running roughshod over her autonomy, ignoring her requests and treating her like a child rather than an adult and the mother of her own child.

A big change to someone’s life, like a child, can often lead to them asserting themselves over things that have been pushing boundaries for a long time.

I would say YANBU as it doesn’t sound like a rule I would make, but if she’s asked you not to do it, then your H was wrong to violate that boundary.

Well there is your answer and I’ll bet this isn’t the first time you’ve ignored her wishes. No one goes NC because someone forgot something once

Yes, maybe, you could be right. The cold sore info was rather an omission.

I doubt she’d leave her child with people who keep trying to kiss her.

I’m guessing there is a huge backstory tbh. OP doesn’t seem like the greatest communicator based on her short answers here.

Yes, but that's not how to handle it.

Well there's been a massive campaign by the NHS in recent years with posters all over health centres etc telling people to never kiss babies / toddlers as RSV cab be very serious for them so it's probably more to do with actual scientists' advice I would think

I guess its the thought of it transferring onto their bedding or wrap/banket.

Babies are precious to mums, and the thought of a potentially dangerous germ on the back of their head isn't all that nice.

It's much easier for us to see how low risk that is as it isn't our baby.

I think that ship has sailed.

You say this like she did somthing wrong. She didn’t want you to do it, you knew that yet your husband did it anyway.

Back of the head is safer but I can still understand the concern if there are cold sores in the family.

I don't agree with the DD giving the silent treatment. She'd be better to send op some information about it and explain why she is upset; instead we all are. It sounds to me as though she is struggling with anxiety and losing her rag a bit.

Give her an apology op and tell her you've done some research and understand the risks now. There are risks.

If say 70% of the adult population has HSV-1 , does that mean that 70% of the population shouldn't have children, in case they pass it to their offspring ?

You frequently get herpes on the back of your head do you?

Yes, and I asked my GP who said that a child in nursery/going round playgroups, which most babies are by 6 months, is not really at risk from a relative kissing them (assuming all the things other posters have already mentioned), but to avoid kissing a young baby on the face. This was a few years ago, so feel free to check, but I did ask because of the cold sore incident. Obviously that was someone kissing a newborn on the face.

Is your husband the baby’s grandfather?

Kissing on the BACK of the head won’t pass germs onto the baby. On the lips I get but the back of the head? Totally ridiculous.

Well I think it depends on the baby. Ds1 rarely ever gets ill and was the same as a baby.

Ds2 is much more sensitive and has just came out of hospital after needing multiple nebulisers for yet another chest infection and tonsillitis.

I was a lot more relaxed with ds1 but almost every time I have taken ds2 to a playgroup or in close contact with someone with a cold, he’s ended up in a&e with tonsillitis a few days later (he develops a non blanching rash with it so sent straight to A&E). He also had rsv as a baby where he went limp and was blue lighted in an ambulance to hospital.

You say you wash hands with colds but if your dh has had one I can understand why she is pissed off. Washing hands isn’t going to make any difference to a cold if you’re kissing the babies head.

Also, once you have the virus, you have it for life and it crops up with a big angry cold sore every time you are under pressure - plenty of brides wake up with an unsightly one on their wedding day!

I think the DD is not handling her annoyance the right way, but I can understand why she doesn't want the baby exposed.

No we realise that RSV can and does kill babies

What do you mean? Do you think people can't pass herpes (or RSV, but in this case we know the grandmother has the herpes virus, so grandad probably has too) on to their grandchildren?

If she asked you prior to not kiss the baby then you shouldn't have and an apology is due, sure it wasn’t done intentionally.