Daughter not soeaky

I suspect this is the final straw. People seldom cut people off for just one incident, it’s likely the latest in a long string of events.

PFB? 🤔🙄

Is he her father? Is she normally a very anxious person? Has she ever cut you off before?

Google RSV and look up the number of deaths linked to it. You will find out it’s not just a cold. Are you incredibly dense?

Yes, and if my parent described me as an adult as having as a 'strop', a 'tantrum' or any of the other patronising, infantilising terms some posters have used here I think I'd be making that contact break permanent!

I don't know why everyone is assuming the OP's husband is her daughter's father. She doesn't say that, so we can't assume. We have no idea what this new mother's relationship is like with her mother's husband - he may be her father, or he may be some creepy pervert her mum married that she hates and distrusts. It is impossible to judge with the information available.

In fact it’s closer to ‘spoken’ than ‘speaking’.

No need for the snarky comment. ‘Soeaky’ bears little resemblance to ‘speaking’ and could easily have been some slang term which is what I had assumed.

The world has gone mad hasn't it, mother not wanting grandad to kiss baby on the head.
You need to have a chat with her, maybe she's just not well or not coping.

I remember bursting into tears when my eldest was a baby because I thought it was too cold for my Dad to carry her out to the garden without socks on. It was a summer evening so not exactly freezing, but I felt her feet would get cold.

My Dad didn't listen to me and took her anyway. So I burst into tears (she was only a few weeks old in my defence). Not because I thought it would actually cause her any harm, but because he wasn't listening to me. She was MY baby, and I didn't feel comfortable with it - but he did it anyway.

He apologised afterwards which I accept immediately then that was that.

Has your husband apologised for going against her wishes?

Initially I thought your daughter was being UR, but then that memory popped up for me and remember that I felt so protective over my baby, and that my Dad was taking over as if he was the parent and not respecting what I said. As trivial as it sounds! Your daughters concerns about germs are valid. She's just trying to protect her baby, even if others think it's ridiculous.

Equally the opposite can also be true though. My mum does the most to insist my toddler gives her kisses and hugs whenever she wants them and will try to guilt him if he refuses- I teach my son that if he doesn't want to kiss or hug ANYONE then he can say no and they should accept that right away. I will call her out every single time in front of him or anyone else. I work in safeguarding and I see it as my job to protect and enforce my child's boundaries until he's old enough to do that for himself. My mum gets cross and I quite frankly really don't care because she's an adult and not his parent so her opinion is moot. Often parents are instilling boundaries to be protective and some people struggle with boundaries more than others. Still doesn't make that parent harmful or abusive or domineering.

OP and her husband have been told no and have done it anyway; and my response allows abusive behaviour?!

Their daughter, the same as you and I, is entitled to make decisions about how she chooses to bring up her child and what she thinks is in their best interest. OP and her husband have clearly overstepped the boundaries that their daughter has expressed and if they had a healthy relationship with their daughter they would have respected her wishes (irrespective of whether they agreed with her or not).

So you both know that she doesn't want her child to be kissed on the head. Your DH did it anyway.

How did he react when she pulled him up on it? Mortified and apologies or disrespecting her parenting choices. And you?

I wonder if it was your ongoing attitude that caused the rift and she is waiting for a proper apology and reassurance that you won't dismiss her parenting choices in future .

“speaking”

wasn’t that hard to work out.

Agreed, sorry OP but I wonder if this incident was the straw that broke the camels back, and perhaps you need to be honest with yourself & review whether you need to work to improve your broader relationship with your DD - if you want to maintain it (and with your grandchild).

Sounds like use had been asked not to kiss the baby and thought you could walk all over their boundaries and as a result have been given the silent treatment. The fact it’s been a month makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time use have ignored her

I constantly tell my mum not to kiss my DDs face or hands, top of head I’m not bothered.

She still does it so doesn’t see DD as much as she would like. My baby, my rules. Same for your daughter.

100% this is bound to be the tip of the ice berg.

How long for then? I mean, would you keep a baby in a bubble until 1, or what? What about parents, are they allowed to kiss their baby? Perhaps they are, but they aren't allowed to touch anyone outside the house, unless they pass through an autoclave at the door. Maybe it would be better all round to keep all familial contact with the baby to Zoom calls or waves through the window?

This country. It's lunatic. The tiny risk a baby might get a bug - RSV is not new, it's always been here - set against being loved by extended family, socialised, getting used to new faces and smells, learning the sounds of the voices of different family members, and enabling normal neural development. It just saddens me so much, the DONT TOUCH MY BAAAAABY thing.

This baby isn't a newborn, it's 6 months old. RSV is a fucking cold FFS. It's extremely unlikely to cause serious illness, even in a baby under the age of 6 months.

You're right. Far too much time on her hands and far too much reading online.
Perhaps time to plan a few KIT days at work.

Some of these posts are actually so misogynistic it's disgusting.

Nowhere has anything been said to suggest this woman domineers over her husband. Perhaps she's a fab wife and he's lucky to have her. Perhaps he's highly anxious around germs and set a boundary she supports. Perhaps they made a joint decision in light of cold/flu season and op having coldsores going by other threads. Perhaps this is the final straw in a long list of oversteps by op and her husband. Perhaps it's up to the child's parents what boundaries they put in place. Perhaps they'll never need childcare.

Realistically it's highly unlikely that this woman has just cut her parents out for a full month on this one off issue.

"Some new parents seem to forget grandparents brought up them and have years of experience. That’s why society is fucked up. The old values and respecting others has been forgotten." This is not always a bad thing. There are lots of things we do differently now and with good reason... my in laws joke about how they drove home from the hospital with their first with the car seat and baby in the boot of the car. Rice given in bottles to promote weaning. Not all grandparents were good parents and not all grandparents are remotely respectful themselves.

No the problem is if there’s anything person kissing has a cold sore! The HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus) can KILL babies. Look it up!

Part of the problem is people use grandiose terms these days to describe very ordinary emotions.

I, personally, can understand why the DD doesn't want her baby kissed. But that's what it is: the DF did something she didn't want him to do. None of us like that, he shouldn't have done it, but that is what has happened in good old fashioned speak. Put like that, it's clearly a tantrum for a disrespected wish.

I repeat, that doesn't mean she was wrong to want him not to kiss the baby or ask him not to.

But these days, it isn't a case of "she asked him not to and he did it anyway." It's a "Failure to Respect Parenting Decisions" or "Disrespecting her Boundaries." This terminology gives people like the DD the idea that it is somehow a very grand and formal offence which requires implementation of a Formal Control Strategy. Instead of throwing a tantrum, in her mind she is some kind of psychobabble law enforcement officer.

Your daughter sounds crazy, you should not indulge her

There is no way, absolutely no way, that you’ve presented the whole story here.

I can’t believe there are people frothing at the mouth responding to this complete lack of information.

If your daughter wrote the story - what would she write?