Need a hand hold please

How are you doing, @happydays93? Sending you positive thoughts.

OP, you will be fine, and looking back on this, you will be profoundly grateful that his cheating was discovered before you had locked yourselves into buying a house together. Clearly your fellow was an unreliable skunk, and although it feels,raw at the moment, you are so much better off without him. Do not be suckered in by any sob stories. He has absolutely brought this on himself, so let him get on with it, and concentrate on yourself and your DC. Sending hugs.

Massive hugs. You'll be ok with time and it won't always feel this raw. Take good care of yourself.

You’ve done the right thing in asking him to leave. When he cheated on you he forfeited any right for your concern or care for his mental health or his children. Stay strong and try not to engage with him.

Tell him to contact the local crisis team if he is suicidal . Do not be drawn into any tales of woe he has brought it all upon himself . Do not relent , time to move on . Stay strong.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, but this is absolutely not your fault and you owe him nothing. He can scream all he likes but he made his choices, FAFO at its finest.
Do not let him guilt trip you into letting him back in. He’s trying to manipulate you for his own benefit, not yours.

I heard from a partner violence charity (can’t remember which) that threats of suicide from a partner should be viewed as a threat to your life not theirs.

Do not let him back OP!

Change the locks and block his number. Let the OW house him and his children from now on. He’s a grifting loser, in the bin 🗑️ with him. Get an sti test.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

You are well rid.
I know it must feel awful right now but think how lucky it is this happened before you bought a house together.

@happydays93 Christ OP. He sounds like quite a catch. Why do women do this to themselves! He's got mental health issues, three kids and wants it all to be your responsibility. And as if that wasn't sexy enough he's now got sacked for shagging another woman in the stationery cupboard. Did he think about his kids whilst he was sticking his dick in? How black and white do you want this situation to be? I'm sorry you feel so low but really you need to get a grip. For the love of god protect yourself, your own interests and your own home. Nobody else will do that for you, least of all this waste of space.

He’s using threats to off himself as an emotional manipulation. There are so many red flags he could set up his own golf course. Do not fall for it. If he suggests that again, take him at his word and warn his close relatives or call him an ambulance. He’s not your responsibility and he’s got the money to rent or get a short term lease.

For future relationships, the relationship itself should not be hell. Life is hard work but your partner should should make it easier.

Sounds like it's not the first time he's let you down on a massive scale Op but it should be the last. He may have real MH problems but that gives him no right to behave badly, nor to use suicide threats to try to make you forgive him. If he can't behave like a decent adult for his DC then he won't ever do it for you

Tell him to get fucked, saying he'll kill himself is emotional manipulation and it isn't your responsibility to regulate his emotions. He has been a massive nob and he's somehow trying to turn it on you.

Take a deep breath. His world just crashed down around his ears and he is desperate to make you an active partner in his distress. His problem will be easier for him to manage if you agree to share it.

You don't have to. If he calls and says he feels suicidal call the police and tell them he has made what you belive to be a credible threat of self harm.

Most of all do everything suggested here to make yourself safe. Give yourself time, tell your close friends what he did, prevent him recruiting them to manipulate you. The shame is his, not yours

Best of luck working tour way through this

He cheated on you while he was at work? What a chancer! Run. Let him threaten self harm if he needs to. Not your problem. He can take his money and figure out what to do.

Don't you dare cave and let him back. He's a massive, manipulative shit. The absolute nerve of him! He's not your problem. Block him everywhere, don't get into any more discussions with him and get tested for STIs.
You WILL get through this. I promise. You'll look back one day and he so glad you dumped him and moved on. Sending you a hand hold (and double high five for booting him out) from me.

You’ve ended things, presumably said no to him or his children staying, so just block him and call the police if he harasses you or his suicide threat feels genuine.

He is using this to manipulate you.

Stick to your guns and call the police if you are worried about his welfare.

Not your problem

If he was genuinely going to do it he wouldn't be telling you.

My daughters ex did this to her and I called the police for a welfare check every time.

In the end he was charged with domestic abuse because his behaviour was deemed by the police to be abusive towards her.

Hes using it to manipulate you. Nothing more.

Well he didnt give a shit about you while he was shagging his bit on the side so why should you care? The council can put him in a hostel, let this be a lesson to the prick.

Just to add another voice, that the threatening suicide is an abuse tactic and a way to try and make you help him instead of feeling angry at him. If you're worried call an ambulance or alert the police for a welfare check.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. He's awful. There's no excuse for cheating, but if someone is drunk at a party it's a bit easier to understand how it could happen - at work means some pretty active decision making, it's not a situation you just find yourself in. You deserve so much better!