AIBU not wanting to take my toddler to a non childproof house?

Why don’t you meet during nap time and toddler can nap in the pushchair while you have a walk and a coffee or lunch out

Have a toddler too. It’s pretty full on but no, I don’t expect the world to change as people need to do things my way because it’s stressful to watch my child but I understand as a you are solo parent it must feel intense as you don’t have anyone to share the load. Meet out in soft play area, set off during nap time that way your little one can nap in the car and meet your friend in an area where the toddler can move about in a safe environment! She best get used it as she is likely to spend lots of time there in the future!

Yabu. You've a child not a bomb so ok it's slightly harder work but monitor and control.. Stair gates are dangerous in the wrong situation so I view them nervously anyway. The world isn't child proof. You might be surprised how quickly your child learns.

As people have suggested perhaps meet in a park, farm where your lo will be entertained and lot less stressful for you.

I don't understand the "tone" you use re a so-called friend.
The way you've explained things, your tone suggests you possibly think she wbu by "not wanting to drive in the wind" last weekend. In reality, there were amber weather warnings, trees down, roads closed - she was sensible not to drive to see a pal.

Secondly, it's weird that you keep doubling down on the tally of how often you've gone to see each other - especially since you going to hers once and then meeting half way are not at all equal to her driving to yours 3 times.

It's maths, but it's not correct maths.

Yanbu. Some toddlers are just... a lot. It doesn't last for too long. You are doing your best. It will get better.

So just tell her no. You've explained. You've tried. You are making the right call. You are wise to the chaos that can happen with your dc at their current stage of development.

Someday - soon! - your little terror will be safe in other people's homes. Until then, you decide which places are just too much of a risk.

You sound very inflexible and precious, to be honest, expecting everything to revolve around your child. I was a single parent too, with a toddler and a baby, and our house wasn't "toddler proof", let alone anyone else's. If he sleeps in the car, so what? Just carry him to bed when you get home. And take a couple of his toys with you when you go to your friend's house - what's so hard about that?

I wouldn't go round, it doesn't suit you right now. If it doesn't suit your friend she cancels. Do what works for both of you when it suits you both. I went to a friend's house who's baby was little and house didn't need childproofing yet but my baby was mobile and it was just about chasing her, keeping her safe and their possessions undamaged. When I got a chance to sit down I could finally pick at the sushi rush mushed into the rug while my friend talked in my direction. Not the relaxing social occasion I hoped for

Yes YABU, and I say this also as the parent of a wild toddler.

You still have to make the effort to go to your friend, especially when she is pregnant & when she has a newborn. Doing what is easier for you all the time is selfish and has no place in a healthy friendship.

Not sure about that OP, I'm pretty certain 3 (her trips) minus 1 (your trip) is 2?

Let's face it the real issue for you is the dogs plus you can't be really be bothered, and she's become exasperated because she can pretty much smell it coming off you? Hence all the 'well let's leave it then' from her?

That's not only one extra trip. What maths did you use for that?

They’ll get more dangerous with every post so by the end they’ll be giant unneutered Xl bullies 🙄. Doesn’t change things though. OP is selfish and a crap friend.

I can see both sides op.
Your friend thinks they are putting in all the effort which is obviously annoying them.
You can’t relax when you visit her, yes toddlers do need watching all the time so I can see your reason for not going.
You are not going expecting others to baby proof their house either, you are being realistic.
Yes it’s easier and probably more sensible for your friend to visit you but I can see how it would annoy her

I feel so sorry for mums these days. You’re all told to be afraid of everything. Just keep an eye on the kid in an unfamiliar environment and it’ll be fine.

Yes I can tell that. I've referred in my post to things you say happened on previous trips there. What's your point?

For anyone struggling with comprehension, I would like to confirm on behalf of my toddler that he very much understands the word “no”, he should do - he says it 30 times a day. He just doesn’t always listen and respond to the word no when told it. I.e. - a one year old child doesn’t always do what they’re told. Come on people it’s really simply

It's the dogs that are the issue, not the fact that the house isn't childproof. No idea why you led with things like ornaments and candles rather than the dangerous dogs. Am sure your friend would understand that better and she may be able to suggest a solution eg that the dogs are shut away.

On the childproofing, they have told you that they don't mind a bit of mess and chaos so believe them. It's not fair to insist your pregnant friend travels to you every time just because you are projecting your own discomfort onto them.

You just need to actually watch him why you are there. Why should your friend drive 2 hours everytime to see you

The poster wasn’t ’bringing a toddler down’ - they were, quite logically, pointing out something that makes no sense.
I also wondered how a toddler can be doing phonics whilst not understanding the word ‘no’.