To wonder what people actually expect and why they can’t just be happy to live simply?

I like long walks, going to the library, reading and I'm even sort of starting to like cooking (a bit). But I work quite hard, long week after long week and actually like to use the money I earn to live a little. That's why I go to work, to earn money, to spend, sometimes on lovely, lovely things.

Of course people were spending on luxeries as soon as they had disposable income to do so, just as they are now.

It's just that what is seen as luxuries has changed, fairly obviously.

I grew up in the 80s. I remember multiple holidays a year, new bikes and computer games. Things haven't changed that much.

I don't think you are wrong OP.

People complain about having so much less than their parents or grandparents, not being able to have a house, etc.

But the fact is most people expect far more in terms of consumer goods and services, and "experiences" like travel.

Most research on happiness says that those aren't the things that really increase happiness though.

I don't know where you got that "family had fun staying indoors" when that's not the experience of a lot of us. Read the thread about the kids bored to death and dreading Sundays because they has nothing to do.

Playing board games, cards, watching films and documentaries together, drawing, painting
that's my idea of hell, and my kids would go nuts if that's all they could do. They can enjoy a bit of quiet time because they do other things first.

Nature walks are 'boring' well, they are?😂

Doesn't it occur to you that a lot of people are active, need to be active and it's the opposite of a modern thing.

On one side people keep banging on that kids in the past used to be outside, running, walking, climbing - and never home but on the other side, some posters pretend that kids must stay home pottering around doing nothing all weekend.

I also think too many kids are put into afterschool dance, music, activity clubs.
As opposed to..? Clubs were cheaper when I was younger, so we all used to do a lot more after school sports!

Between sport tournaments, clubs and parties, I dont' have to organise anything at the weekend, my kids are busy. So were my parents.. It's not a modern thing.

Again, we tried the quiet life during lockdown. Never again.

But that isn’t true. That may have been your experience, but those that could afford the equivalent of that time period were spending money on them.

Hell, my parents grew up in Communist and socialist countries, and there was a huge black market in both for non state sanctioned luxuries that those with the means certainly took advantage of.

I can assure you that my kids did not get a toy a drink or a McDonalds everytime we went to the supermarket - nor did they wander around glued to a tablet.

Lets just agree that you never had more than an orange and a lump of coal for Christmas, had one day out a year and your teenage fun was knitting your own socks huddled over the single bar electric heater in the one room your family occupied. However the level of childhood poverty in the country now is truly appalling and family referrals to the foodbank I volunteer with are significantly increased. A lot of those families have no resident father - I expect the flashy cars and expensive tech is being bought by the deadbeat dads who weasle out of paying CM and let the state pick up the tab. And the expensive days out are no doubt paid for by a lot of Disney dads who see their children EoW and think they are parent of the year for taking the children to the cinema and Mc Donalds.

@Londonmummy66 my parents went out far more than DH & I do, we are more tired because we work more and babysitting is more expensive, life is more expensive in general.

Even 20 years ago my kids went to the beach, had a picnic and were lucky if they left with an ice cream .

Why do you think this still isn't a thing? I was in Cornwall in the summer, loads of families including me had bought food with them...

they weren’t spending a fortune on luxuries that are now deemed to be necessities alongside.

But you have just decided this, they had more dc for one which is the height of luxury.

All I am saying is that my kids are not an inferior race, and there's no reason why they should be satisfied with nothing when others have everything. They will never have super-rich parents, of course, but there's a lot they can have, that everybody can have.

nothing to do with SM. There was no SM when I was a child, my parents still provided us with as many opportunities as they could. I don't give opportunities to my kids to put them on tik tok, but because that's my responsibility as a parent. I don't even use tik tok 😂

If you believe everyone is only living their life for social media, it's you who has the problem, not me

Yes, i pay £50-60 per month for ours (insurance and food). She is worth every penny. The joy she brings, the friends we have made. The ridiculous welcome we get when we've been out and get home.

We walk in our local park 95% of the time, which means we have got to know lots of people locally and feel a sense of community.

The other 5% of the time it's my day off and we get on a bus and go somewhere new.

And that's fun too, even the days we get caught in the rain and beat a retreat!

She is a luxury, but a very cost effective one!

I would choose her over a holiday on cost per hour of happiness. Luckily we can have her, a couple of camping weekends and a cheap (last minute) long weekend away each year. We are privileged.

Yes but you’re ignoring what I said. It was less common, they demanded less and they weren’t spending a fortune on luxuries that are now deemed to be necessities alongside. We all took picnics and dod not go out on expensive days trips to the extent kids do now. It was a yearly occurrence not a multiple times during the holidays thing with endless food , experiences and souvenirs chucked in on top.Even 20 years ago my kids went to the beach, had a picnic and were lucky if they left with an ice cream .Apparantly now thats basic and mean .

I'm just not sure that life was simpler. We would have 2 holidays abroad each year - one in a hotel and one in a french gite plus at least 2 in the UK - perhaps a cottage in the Lakes and a week somewhere like York. DB and I had music lessons (and instruments were more expensive then), were out most nights with an extra curricular or club. Most Saturdays DF took us swimming whilst DM did the shopping. We often went to stately homes (and yes my DPs were abusive), had the occasional day trip to Butlins to give DM a break. DPs had very regular date nights - nice restaurants or the theatre etc. We had the occasional theatre trip too to the ballet or a childrens show.

The real difference was that I went to 3 or 4 clubs a week in the local church hall only one of which cost anything (Guides). We had a big playing field behind our house where all the local children congregated to play with no adult supervision whatsoever even a primary age. Music lessons were free as was beginner instrument hire and later the county youth orchestra. There was a small local library where you could order books by your favourite author in walking distance so I could go on my way home from school. We had fish & chips quite often and my pocket money would cover my chipping in for a large communal chips when my friends and I walked back (alone) from choir - we were 8.

Nowadays you'd need a lot of money to pay for all those clubs and activities, a neighbour would call SS if they saw us all playing out/walking home in the dark, the swimming pool is expensive and the library is closed (and the bus fare to get to the big one in town is not cheap either).

But you are talking shite.

People have been doing things for leisure for centuries. Do you think all those victorian piers and swimming pools, for example, were built in 2010?

Sure, what people do has changed, but don't think that people doing stuff for fun is in any way new.

People who are happy don't judge others to this level. Over soft play, over what people should do with their kids, over everything - let it go. You cannot tell others what to do, or make them mirror the choices you made earlier in life.

I am in the 'hard bit' right now - just bought a house, got my basics, but my emergency fund has taken a hit and the nice holidays will have to wait a while. I can accept a bit of basic living, I am making a sacrifice just as you did. But I'm also not cracking the whip on people who are able to go on expensive holidays or drive SUVs or whatever else, good luck to them. Most people are trying their best, they know that it can all change in the blink of an eye and they don't need judgement. My basics still includes 'fun money' for things I like, such as perfumes which I collect. Live and let live.

😂🤣

I hope you don't give up on your goal. I don't think simplicity always costs a lot. You might have to relocate and upend your existing life to achieve it though.

We live in a peaceful rural area with no noise or nusance. Household income and house value both well below average.

This! Kids can’t even go to the supermarket without walking out with a toy, a drink from Costa and a McDonalds on the way home whilst tapping away on their expensive iPad. Heaven forbid they should endure a rainy half term without a multitude of days out, fast food and endless soft play!

Dogs are luxuries, anyone who has a dog is not struggling.

Why? Because that's literally the point.

If we can't or shouldn't try to make things better for future generations, why bother with anything? Let's all just say "fuck it" and not bother investing in or researching anything.

I don't even do a theme park every year & don't know anyone who goes weekly.

The problem is that the expectation is for those things to happen more frequently.

Of course people had these little luxuries in the past but they were less frequent, and people saved up and looked forward to them. They didn't just see them as an everyday thing.

Of course not!

No iPhone, cheapest handset that is a Smartphone. DD wanted an iPhone so it was a second hand one that was birthday and Xmas present combined.

Luckily have good public transport, so no car.

Only got a TV this year because a friend was upgrading and kindly gave us the old one - prior to that just used our phones to stream (free channels). Not even a Netflix subscription (but DD got a friend to share her contact details...)

I even use the library rather than buying books. How deprived is that...?

I appreciate being able to pay for the essentials and having some left over for fun. Cheap fun is fine by me. The biggest 'extra' in our lives is DDog, who costs £50-60 per month in food and insurance. And brings us huge amounts of happiness everyday.

Once a year. Pretty sure most could afford Chessington if they did it once a year or went without their weekly takeaway, yearly holiday, phone package, expensive tech, car finance etc.

Now kids are seen as deprived they don’t have all the above and school holidays filled with days out. It’s madness.