To feel slightly miffed about paying for a dress now?

We had the best holiday this summer. Some of it went on credit card and I am still paying it off...aren't I a disgrace!!

Bride pays for all bridesmaid stuff and she should give you a gift as a thank you. You should not be out of pocket in anyway. Politely decline and don't get in debt on that credit card for someone else. Use you bonus to have a nice treat with your child or children.

£250 is a lot to ask you to spend. I would have an honest chat with your friend about it.
I would also ignore all the judgemental comments about your personal finances. It's fine to use a credit card from time to time for things you can't quite afford if you know you can make the payments. Some people just like to put people down because it makes them feel better about themselves.

you are gunna resent the whole thing and therefore it’s not going to be an enjoyable way to spend your time off, let alone your money,

I would decline and unless you can afford I wouldn’t be partaking in the wedding at all given that it’s abroad

a good friend like you say she is would understand

I just wanted to say that sometimes, in some circumstances, credit use feels like the only option. It doesn’t make people “stupid” or “irresponsible” or a bad parent as has been suggested on some of these posts. Sometimes it’s the only way to carve out a little bit of life for yourself when your whole world is about your kids and home. Not depending on credit a little is a luxury. Is it ideal? Of course not. OP already knows, but has made it workable.

OP, I agree that if it’s going to cripple you financially you would be well within your rights to set a soft boundary and decline going, or ask to go as a guest instead. If you dearly want to be there, then finding ways to make it comfortable for you is of course understandable. I am already certain your DC receives the very best of what you have and your bonus should be spent on something that brings you happiness. If that’s making this overseas wedding accessible, then that’s what you should do. Everyone knows you’re more use to others when you’re also pouring into yourself from time to time.

I think the second hand market is a great idea, but if you love the dress and want to wear it (if money were no issue) I’d love to contribute as a way to help pay it forward. I hope this comes across as well meaning and not patronising. I’ve struggled financially with no one to turn to and now I’m more comfortable, is all. I wish someone had helped me feel human from time to time.

sorry you’re getting so much stick OP - life’s too short. If you get the chance for a once in a lifetime holiday that you can make work then I don’t see why you shouldn’t go. Mums are allowed some time to themselves too - think it will do you the world of good. And your son is 5 - he’s not necessarily going to appreciate that sort of trip anyway so wouldn’t say he is missing out especially if he is due to be with his dad then. Go and enjoy it. But have an honest conversation with your friend about the dress.

OP go Southall Broadway you'll pick up something stunning for between 20 and 60 pounds. It's on the Elizabeth line. West London.

SHE should be paying for this!!!

It's unreasonable to expect you to pay for a dress that she chose. I'd probably be less put out given that she's paying towards the accommodation, but it's still not reasonable to expect you to pay for the dress.

Seeing as you are adsmant that a short term CC debt is not a problem to you why cant you ask her to let you pay for it directly then pay on your CC instead if her paying for it then getting it back off you in one hit ?

Blimey that’s a ridiculous amount to try & afford beautiful or not it’s a bit unfair,
flights etc are expensive enough without the extra £250!
i personally would decline xx

Have a look.on Vinted. Search for Indian adult bridesmaid dress. There are some on there that are very reasonable. You will.orobably have a lively time. Make it happen somehow!!

If she is Indian and you would not wear the dress more than once, is there no-one in her circles that would be happy to lend you a dress from a previous occasion? I know my friends would be happy to lend another friend a dress if the situation was this specific.

I just wanted to say that I feel pretty sorry for the OP right now and how much she has had to defend her actions when she asked a simple question about the dress: quite a lot of mud has been slung her way and a whole bunch of you have preached from their ivory towers about her getting into debt and how her child is missing out. Being a mum is hard full stop, single or otherwise. Life is short. She doesn’t need bloody lessons on credit cards and savings and what we must or must not spend money on as a single parent (a status which is irrelevant really).

I had a British wedding and it is custom here for the bride to pay for the bridesmaids dresses (as I did). I was a bridesmaid at an Italian wedding and the same applied. A bride who has chosen a destination wedding shouldn’t be expecting her bridal party to cover their outfit costs (especially where that will involve an outfit never worn again) and it doesn’t matter where they are from really, and I’m pretty shocked the bride thought this was ok without first checking with you!

Enjoy the trip OP, you deserve it

If you are close friends, surely being able to be open and honest with her should not be a problem? I don’t understand how a close relationship of any kind involves being unable to say you can’t afford something, whether it’s a dress, a meal or a trip etc.

You could simply say that you feel embarrassed about the fact that you really can’t afford to buy a dress on top of travel costs, and that you are so glad that you
are able to afford to be there, but perhaps under the circumstances, as a guest instead of bridesmaid? So that you can wear a nice dress that you have or get from Vinted, and her wedding looks the way she truly wants it to be.

Fuck me. I skipped on after four pages of people haranguing you. Hope you have a great time and manage to source something to wear.

Your friend is being unreasonable OP.
You are a struggling single parent who has had to get a cc to help fund the trip
Your friend should understand your position without you having to explain

It’s my understanding that Indian weddings are fully paid by the bridal side that includes guests stays accommodation and off course dresses . She is being very cheeky to ask you to pay for a dress when you are already paying so much to go .

I'm really amazed that some brides think it's okay for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. Weddings are ridiculous now.

There are some good suggestions as to how you can word this. You have already paid a lot and are looking forward to the holiday, but best to be up front about the cost impact on you. As others have said, it is surprising. The one Indian wedding I went to, I was dressed by the family that was hosting and paid for nothing.

Maybe write her a carefully thought out letter/email mentioning that the cost of the dress has tipped you over the affordability line. It’s not that you don’t want to spend the money, just that you can’t as you have an DC to support and you will understand if she wants to ‘replace’ you.

Agreed. Is it normal for the bride to pay for accommodation for everyone. That sounds very generous and must have cost rhe earth.

Don't say I thought you were paying for the dress etc or as another PP suggested telling her if she can't afford to pay for your dress then you won't be a bridesmaid. That sounds really rude and like you are bargaining.

Just say you are really looking forward to the wedding, but you can't afford the additional costs of being a bridesmaid. You hope that's ok, you can't wait to attend.

Our bridesmaids brought their own dresses. They offered and we accepted. After all, we were paying for a wedding!

anyway. Are other bridesmaids paying for their dresses or is it just you? As that’s not very fair.

Is there anything on Vinted, Ebay, Preworn? They don't need to know where you got it from. However, the bride should pay for it. That's the whole reason of asking you to be a bridesmaid...you didn't ask yourself, she asked -you-. What's more, if she can travel to India and buy her bridal dresses, then she's pretty bloody cheeky for asking! No doubt her and hubby have plenty of money. You should put some boundaries in place and be honest with her, then see if she's truly a friend with her reaction.

She should definitely be paying, especially when it’s costing you so much to attend. Just be honest. Just say I’m so sorry my budget won’t stretch, happy to be a guest at wedding so I can wear a dress I already have.