To feel slightly miffed about paying for a dress now?

Ok so here’s my take, she’s asked you to be bridesmaid, she’s give you all the details of what’s included so you knew you only had to pay for the flights. You are there for a week, are the family feeding you all for the week or are you in a hotel all inclusive so don’t need to worry about money.
when this conversation was going on surely she should have said oh by the way you will also need to factor in the dress ect?
she knows you are a single mum so should be aware of your circumstances.
id just say to her “hey, I’m really sorry but the cost of the dress is a little high for me to get the money together for it and I don’t want to let you down, I’d love to wear what you’ve chosen, so if it’s ok with you, can I hold off paying for it until after the wedding?
you are willing to pay upwards of £100 so if you have to pay for it then surely it’s yours to sell after, can you sell it to recoup what you’ve then got to pay her?

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I’m amazed at her cf-ness, expecting you to travel to Thailand and pay for the dress! She must know you’re not rolling in cash?

Just tell her you can't afford £250 for a dress so is she fine for you to pull out of being a bridesmaid or would she rather pay for a similar dress of the other bridesmaids as you wouldn't feel comfortable in a much cheaper one.

If she’s offered to pay for it and insists you wear a particular dress then do not feel guilty about accepting it. Don’t offer to pay

Just read a few replies... Wow Op there are some awful people out there telling you how to live your life..... I can see you've done your homework well and sorted everything but the dress cost...
Go for it! A great experience that will set you up for the next few years.. Enjoy xx

It’s 250 on top of 1.2k? Tbh it’s a once in a lifetime thing by the sounds of it. Look to see if you’re eligible for an interest free card with cash transfer and buy the dress. She’s paid way more than 250 for you to attend by the sounds of it.. just think of the hol/wedding costing 1.5. Cos the reality is you’d spend 100 on any other dress so it’s only an extra 150…

just my opinion as you’ve only got 600 to pay off. It’s an extra months payment. And then you can sell the dress? Perhaps get a £100 back for it… but if you go this route check with her that there are no more costs that will appear…

I accidentally ticked YABU.
Your 'friend' is a cheeky bitch.

Wow, what awful vipers nest has gathered on this thread 😳 truly some awful people.

Enjoy your amazing trip OP!! Life is for living 😃 I am very jealous. It sounds amazing!

Thats never been how it works. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or even read about them? Bridesmaids have always paid for their own dresses.

Putting typical life costs onto credit cards and not paying them off in full is for the benefit of the credit card company. I do not and have never lived this way, I only buy things I can easily afford and save in advance if I want to do something out of the ordinary. I have been this way since a student so not always had much income.

Have you checked on Shein to see what they have in Indian style dresses? They do have a section for “ethnic” clothing and a lot of the items I’ve seen are beautiful. Obviously I don’t know how good the fabric is but surely if you did research online about what fabrics are typically used and check reviews (preferably from people of Asian descent who would know more about this) to see how the quality and fit is.

Exactly! You are here for help regarding a wedding, not to be judged of your spending habits.
Whatever you decide to do about being a bridesmaid, I hope it all works out well for you.

You will struggle to get a quality Indian ‘bridesmaid’ type dress for anything less than that, the material and everything is considerably cheaper to buy out in India. They’re usually all made to measure, does the £250 include it being made up to your measurements?

I think I’d try and stretch to it if the food and accommodation and everything are all included but if you really can’t then have a look at second hand ones on Vinted. They are very fitted so you will need to get it as close to your exact measurements as possible (make sure the person selling isn’t shorter than you for example and there’s room to have it taken out at the chest etc if you have boobs!) you may need to still get alterations but this should minimise them.

Im always baffled how much time people have on their hands to go wading through old posts. Mad behaviour

i do t think it’s even a cultural thing. When my daughter got married (uk white culture) we paid for the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, bags, hair and bridesmaids gifts, and their nights accommodation at the hotel where the reception was held. When my daughter was later a bridesmaid for one of her bridesmaids her parents did the same for her and the other bridesmaids.

i don’t think you are being unreasonable in these circumstances, your friend is. I’m sorry this thread has been sidetracked by so many responses calling you irresponsible, rather than responding to your question. I completely understand why you don’t want to pay for a dress you’ll never wear again.

I would tell her you can’t afford it, and if she won’t pay, I would just go as a guest.

Exactly

I am more shocked at the £1200 flight for I assume is economy.

That alone would have made me decline. Even at peak Christmas when I went it was £800 and it was with a decent airline, £1200 is very expensive. The hotel would be cheap as chips, even the Ritz Carlton or Conrad is a fraction of what you would pay in the USA or Europe so people saying at least she’s getting her accommodation paid for, that’s actually the cheapest major expense in the
grand scheme and then on top of the £1200, needs to fork out £250 for a dress you would likely not wear ever again. I’d politely decline being a bridesmaid.

Now this thread has made me want mango sticky rice 🤤

I think it’s crazy the amount of money people have to spend on weddings, hen and stag dos. As you are a single mum on a low income it’s unfair of the bride to put this pressure on you, especially as you will be using a credit card where costs could spiral. I think so many people these days think they are celebrities and spend lots of money to show off on social media. My kids spend a fortune on going abroad for stag and hen dos and weddings. At the risk of sounding old 😂, I can remember when we went to the local pubs for our hen dos and we had a great time.

Why do some posters go back through op past posts to pick them.apart? I don't get it.

I have a house on debt I can't afford. I put my holidays on my credit card as it gives me protection. I have 200k of debt on my mortgage but I go on holiday. Because like OP I have factored in paying my debt off.

Otherwise we'd all be minted buying houses and cars in cash or living like a miser for 25 years until the mortgage is paid off. Why is everyone being so snipey?

Over a third of families in the UK put a holiday on credit last year, including ours.

Mumsnetters are hilariously out of touch with the real world.

This. Mine paid £30 for their own alterations as it was a preference that’s it. I paid shoes, hair, accommodation and I even paid for the hen do! (Abroars)

Can you look on Vinted?? I reckon there must be lots of people selling expensive Indian wedding outfits they only wore once!!

Bloody hell, I really feel for you OP. You asked a simple AIBU about having to buy your own bridesmaid dress and you are showered with so many other opinionated answers from wannabe financial advisors on here.

They’ll all be phoning in to Martin Lewis on your behalf soon, to report you to the finance police.
I’m not sure why you’ve spent so much time answering individually to justify your spending. You’ve clearly got a plan to pay back, it will be a once in a lifetime experience, go and enjoy it. We never know what’s round the corner in life, so long as you don’t get yourself into unmanageable debt, fuck it, just go and experience it.

everyone else, live life with a bit of risk sometimes, you might enjoy yourselves🤣

I think she really ought to be paying for the dress as that is the norm, especially when she is asking you to travel to Thailand, even though you will make a holiday out of it and hopefully have a great time.

I think I would be honest and say it is not in your budget on top of flights and spending money. It is then down to her to say it doesn’t matter what you wear or say that she will pay.