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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel slightly miffed about paying for a dress now?

389 replies

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 14:35

My close friend is getting married in Thailand and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid. At first I was going to decline as I couldn’t afford to travel that far out for the wedding for 7 days (single mum on low income) but got a small bonus from work and used it to pay part of the flights/trip and took out a credit card to pay the rest. because she’s paying for the accommodation for everyone it made it a bit easier for me financially to change my decision. Her background is Indian and she has gone back home to pick out her dresses and bridesmaid dresses, and sent me the one her and her family have chosen. The dresses cost £250 each and tbf they are stunning. She then said she would get mine and I could transfer her when she came back to the UK.

I was in shock due to the price and asked if I would be able to find something cheaper myself which she has accepted. I asked my other friend who is Indian (separate friendships) if she knew any nice shops to buy a cheap Indian style bridesmaid dress. She gave me a few but again out of my budget which is max £80. However she brought up that in Indian culture the bride always pays for the dresses and was in shock that I am having to pay out of pocket. I told her I don’t mind too much as long as the price is fair and don’t know anything much about this as their culture.

But her reaction made me think maybe it is a bit unreasonable to expect me to pay for the dress in the first place (my own objections are regardless of culture). The dress my friend has picked is very high quality and has lots of embellishments in a certain beautiful shade and I’m worried I wont be able to afford a dress that can match and look nearly as nice as the other bridesmaids and will stick out like a sore thumb. I will have to suck it up and just buy something cheap but do feel a bit miffed and I'm struggling to find anything so far.

YABU- You should should not feel miffed to pay for a dress no matter the quality.
YANBU - She should be paying for the dress.

OP posts:
IridiumSky · 10/10/2025 01:12

I've never understood this ‘foreign wedding’ stuff.

If a couple who want to go abroad to get married can’t afford to pay for every guest’s flight and hotel expenses (but maybe not food and drink) they should bloody well get married at home.

It’s ridiculous.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/10/2025 00:28

I find it very odd that you're being expected to pay for a bridesmaid dress. Absolutely reasonable not to want to spend that much on a dress you hadn't chosen and would never wear again.

WorkingMum90 · 10/10/2025 00:22

If she's already paying for seven days accommodation and food for you I think it's a bit cheeky to expect her to buy a dress for you as well. She's already said you don't need to buy the £250 dress and you can wear a dress of your choosing. If you're not comfortable being a bridesmaid in different/cheaper dress then just go as a guest and not as a bridesmaid.

Goldie2021 · 10/10/2025 00:22

What size are you? Im in Australia and attended an Indian wedding in India and had a traditional dress made. I’m a
size 10. I’d gladly post it to you as I wouldn’t wear it again.

EveningLily · 10/10/2025 00:21

EveningLily · 09/10/2025 23:53

India is so heterogeneous, there's heterogeneity in family, friends, everywhere. These make Indian weddings wonderful. Nowadays, some people wanting to have Bollywood-like weddings, for social media, is a trend. But to have their entitled way at people's expense, is their own culture, absolutely not Indian culture.
I'd hate anyone telling me how to dress, but that's me. Getting a credit card for this, doesn't arise. But its their wedding and your friendship. If you happen to go to an Indian wedding, you'll also meet people simply dressed and nice and not showy/arrogant. Since in Thailand, perhaps chosen curated dressed people coming! Annoying

May I add to that that wear what will suit you best, ignore the pressure if you can. Dress is just an attire, what will really shine beyond those (similar/same) dresses is your own self - your energy, persona. So I'd say just be yourself. You'll be comfortable that way and that will make you feel confident.

Anna1mac · 10/10/2025 00:09

Bobiverse · 08/10/2025 14:43

Putting the flights onto a credit card means you cannot afford to go.

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Nonsense. I put all my flights / holidays onto a credit card as it is safer that way... Doesn't mean I cannot afford it.

EveningLily · 09/10/2025 23:53

India is so heterogeneous, there's heterogeneity in family, friends, everywhere. These make Indian weddings wonderful. Nowadays, some people wanting to have Bollywood-like weddings, for social media, is a trend. But to have their entitled way at people's expense, is their own culture, absolutely not Indian culture.
I'd hate anyone telling me how to dress, but that's me. Getting a credit card for this, doesn't arise. But its their wedding and your friendship. If you happen to go to an Indian wedding, you'll also meet people simply dressed and nice and not showy/arrogant. Since in Thailand, perhaps chosen curated dressed people coming! Annoying

Cherryicecreamx · 09/10/2025 23:51

She wants you in that dress, I think she should pay. I did think it was the done thing that they pay for the bridesmaid dresses.

Lincolnlemons · 09/10/2025 23:35

I don’t even think bridesmaids are a thing in Indian wedding culture. Regardless, YANBU. If the bride wants her bridesmaids to wear a particular dress/adhere to a theme she should pay, otherwise they can pay especially if they’re buying something they can wear again.

Kelly1969 · 09/10/2025 23:35

Bobiverse · 08/10/2025 14:36

Go as a guest, decline the bridesmaid role.

Good idea

Strangerthanfictions · 09/10/2025 23:15

Breli · 08/10/2025 14:41

Some people pay for it out of the wedding fund, sometimes bridesmaids pay. She’s said you can buy your own cheaper one, which is an option, or you could say you can’t afford it but would love to come as a guest. There’s no need to hypothesise what’s fair, or whether you should be miffed or not as it doesn’t change anything. It sounds like a wonderful trip, and I don’t think it would be any less wonderful if you attended as a guest and might be less pressured as well.

Honestly never heard of bridesmaids paying for their own dress etc, at the most I've heard wear your own shoes with the supplied dress, but you can pick up sandals for next to nothing should you need to. You can't ask someone to take a role in your wedding then be out of pocket

WalmartWitney · 09/10/2025 22:58

Maybe offer your budget for an outfit towards the cost of the dress for £250.00. Explain this is all you can afford.

Sartflower · 09/10/2025 22:40

Check vinted. They shud have lots of cheap ones. What size are you ? I am Indian wudnt mind sending you one of mine I have lots n dnt know how to get rid of them.

Laura147 · 09/10/2025 22:27

Get the dress while in Thailand. Take the picture and you'll probably get one made up, to fit, for about £15.

Blueyelloworange · 09/10/2025 22:06

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 17:21

Thank you, I'll check it out!

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Vinted sometimes has lovely Indian outfits too, for not much at all. I would suggest you search 'indian' on there and see what you get!

Happilyobtuse · 09/10/2025 22:05

I am indian, this is unusual for a bride to choose your outfit for you but not pay for it. I had a traditional indian wedding with 10 bridesmaids. All their outfits were bought by me. You can’t ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then expect them to pay for an expensive outfit that you chose and which they probably might never wear again. Is this girl really your friend?! Does she not know what you can and can’t afford?!

HarbourClankCat · 09/10/2025 22:04

I would encourage you to have a conversation with your friend mainly for two reasons, 1. If you purchase an alternative it may not live up to her expectations and you could be lumbered with the cost, 2. Other costs like hair, make-up may creep in so better to establish your position nicely now.

Practically, if you choose to spend up to £80 on a dress, I would reach out to the south eastern community maybe where you live or further afield via Facebook with a plea for help? I don’t doubt that you can give your friend’s £250 dresses and specific colours and quality as a spec and something great could be found or made at an excellent price.

nomas · 09/10/2025 22:03

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 23:43

I asked if it would be ok for me to source a cheaper alternative for myself which she agreed. Now I'm scouring the net and still feel small in comparison when I look at the dresses online vs what she picked out. However, she isn't judgy at all and she's genuinely a nice person, I just don't think she considered that £250 would be dear to me. Her family are well of and she has decent finances from what I know about her and her life/job, so she was probably just clueless. I'll have to just pick something at this point, all that matters is that I show up for her big day. Thank you.

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You’re not going to have any bridesmaid duties at an Indian wedding, the family will cover it. So I don’t think you can expect a free dress.

Brides tend to pay for the outfits for close family, not friends.

You’re getting free accommodation, you should be happy with that.

Fine to wear a cheaper dress.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2025 21:59

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 09/10/2025 21:56

It really isn't. Standard practice is that the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. Its been like that since the 70s at least. Very rarely, do brides cover the dresses.

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I’ve been a bridesmaid 7 times and the bride has always paid for the dress.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 09/10/2025 21:56

friendsDisUnited · 09/10/2025 21:04

I had a very small wedding as finances were tight. I still paid for my bridesmaid’s dress. It’s basic manners. This is a dress you have picked and is unlikely to be worn again.

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It really isn't. Standard practice is that the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. Its been like that since the 70s at least. Very rarely, do brides cover the dresses.

Ohnobackagain · 09/10/2025 21:51

@confusedlady10 I think it would be fine to go back to your friend and just say “I cannot find anything as lovely as what you picked, in my budget - I really don’t want to ruin your photos and will feel embarrassed looking different from the other BMs, so would you rather I just come as a guest?” See what she says. She probably has made assumptions and not thought it through.

MrsJeanLuc · 09/10/2025 21:42

OneDenimBird · 08/10/2025 17:41

I do agree that a holiday is worth it, I said that earlier,

but to answer your question, no, I don't put holidays on credit cards. House (mortgage), car (loan) possibly, and at worst emergency building work are the only thing I would go into debt for.

I am more into "saving first, spending later".

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Well that's your choice of course, but financially speaking it's a sub-optimal choice.

IMO any large expenditure should go on credit card. A credit card provides a lot of consumer protection, eg if you lose the article or there is something wrong with it.

And using a credit card wisely is also one of the best ways to improve your credit score.

MrsJeanLuc · 09/10/2025 21:25

Bloobelly · 08/10/2025 14:52

But money is tightly and very little spare

You shouldn’t have put this on your cc

you should have saved the money for for your children and for you / their / your future

this seems totally financially daft

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Don't be so bloody pompous! It's not for you to dictate how the op spends her money.

friendsDisUnited · 09/10/2025 21:04

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 09/10/2025 20:13

Thats never been how it works. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or even read about them? Bridesmaids have always paid for their own dresses.

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I had a very small wedding as finances were tight. I still paid for my bridesmaid’s dress. It’s basic manners. This is a dress you have picked and is unlikely to be worn again.

NovaF · 09/10/2025 21:00

My mum is Pakistani. For a friends wedding I just borrowed one of her sari’s. Can you ask your friend if she has any nice sari’s you can borrow? Some might be in the same colourway as the bridesmaids outfits