To feel slightly miffed about paying for a dress now?

OP, my daughters and I had to attend an Indian wedding recently. We found stunning dresses on Vinted for under £30. Most people only wear them once and then sell them on. Have a look, you will be surprised!

People offering advice you do not want to hear is NOT ironic.

It’s fine that you’re allowed a guest.

It just seems off that you admit you made zero contribution as a bridesmaid and yet still feel miffed you’re not getting a free dress as well free accommodation for a week in Thailand!

It’s best you get this reality check here and not say anything to upset your friend!

Perhaps check the dictionary definitions of 'ironic' and 'advice' before lashing out at people who've bothered to comment. You indicated you are on a low income, can't afford the trip without getting into debt, and on top of that, felt very comfortable bashing your so-called friend on here.

Self-reflection is a very powerful tool.

Why should OP pay for a dress when she is the one doing her friend a favour by being the bridesmaid?

If someone asks you do do them a favour by wearing a certain outfit for an event they are planning, would YOU be happy to be out of pocket for THEIR decisions on your choice of clothing?

If money is tight then as a single parent you really shouldn’t have used a work bonus on this. Christmas is coming up and kids always need something, you also could have spent it on a trip away with them!

Her wedding is out of budget for you basically and I think you should have stuck to not attending as a result.

So you and your sister are getting free accommodation from the bride in Thailand and you want a free dress as well?

What duties do you even have for the wedding? I’m guessing none.

What did you organise for the bride for her hen? I’m guessing nothing.

You are being a total CF.

And do you pay them off within a month? If you do, it's a different situation to what OP has described. If you don't, then you're a fool with money.

I think OP is desperate to continue the pretence of being ok with the costs to her friend. Pride seems to be a big issue here.

We've seen multiple posts from OP defending getting into debt while still quibbling over the relatively very minor cost of a dress. It's as though she wants affirmation that it's reasonable to query the dress while not coming across as struggling for money. But if money wasn't a concern, why raise the issue of £250 in the first place? Why pretend to be better off than you are to so-called close friends as well as strangers on the internet?

Personally, if I was going to get into debt for a once-in-a-lifetime experience, it woudn't be for someone else's wedding!

decline the bridesmaid position. She's not family so it shouldn't be expected for you to pay for an Indian dress that you will never wear again! And that you've paid for airfair irrespective that she's paying accommodation you have 7 days of food to buy!

It’s mad that you can’t see how your spending is of concern. You save you have saved for this but actually you haven’t, you’ve spent your bonus. To fund the other half you’ve had to take out a credit card. Which means you’re a single parent on low income with NO SAVINGS. Not only that, but you took out a credit card with interest which means you don’t even have a great credit score.

the fact that you haven’t ever been on an adult only holiday, or haven’t treated yourself in ages is irrelevant. You are a parent and you are being financially irresponsible and actually selfish. Your priority should be building up security for your family, ie a savings pot using your bonus and whatever else you can spare each month.

Onky once you have a substantial amount of savings should you be considering doing things like a holiday abroad etc…

Sorry but you have a poor attitude to finances

Good idea. There are quite a few Indian sellers of clothes on eBay who sell decorative clothes for occasions..

Hi I don’t know when it became suddenly a thing to ask your friend to be your bridesmaid then expect her to pay for her dress etc.

This is extremely poor etiquette in my eyes.
Regardless of financial situation it’s just poor taste.
That said, if you are a working single mother then even more reason to opt out.
Do not put pressure on yourself it’s just not worth it.

love & light, Jane x

I'm not sure I'm clear on this - any money spent on your credit card IS debt... unless you have the money sitting in your bank account and could pay your credit card off right now, then you are in debt because of this.

I'm a lone parent and I think this is a crazy amount for her to ask you to spend, firstly on the flights but also in the dresses etc. I think if you're really as close as you say you are then the bride is really out of order asking you to pay for all this. I would also be very worried that this is a sign of things to come - you still haven't factored in hair/ makeup/bag/shoes/ hen party/ wedding gift. This is an insane cost to take on and tbh I'd have declined it altogether but I think the wisest thing you can do is be honest with her and say that you've had to put your flights etc on credit card and will be paying that off so you can't afford to contribute to anything else so it might be best that you step down as bridesmaid as you can't get into more debt for her wedding. If she's a remotely decent friend she will understand though tbh a decent friend probably would've have expected you to drop £250 on a dress after paying for a long haul trip for her wedding.

Firstly I'd look on Vinted or eBay see if you can get something from there, if not, then just say, I've been working my finances out and after paying for the flights I just really can't afford to buy a suitable dress so would it be ok to attend as a guest?

I’d bounce it back to her and say while you’re relieved she understands you cannot afford the admittedly gorgeous dress on top of everything else, you are concerned you will stick out and would like her expert input.

Just tell her your max budget and ask her can she help you identify something culturally appropriate and in-keeping with her BM frocks.

Perhaps she could source you a simpler ensemble, and/or find a wrap or whatever in a similar embellished fabric and shade that would elevate a more affordable outfit. Thereby making the whole thing look coherently part of the bridal
party. It’s a shame you can’t post the dress and people on here might be able to assist. What sort of shade/size/fabric are you talking - you could post on S&B? There’s renting as well. Or get a local dressmaker on it.

Personally, I agree she’s asking a lot, for someone to shell out for flights AND buy a pricey single-wear dress she’s chosen for them, but I suppose you want to go and you’ve already booked so that’s a by-gone. And maybe some of her other friends could wear it again or are so minted it doesn’t matter. If you can’t get the right frock the option is always there to thank her for the honour but suggest you just go as her pal.

Don’t be embarrassed about being honest about having a budget, that’s life. You may also need to give her the heads up that if you do go as her bridesmaid you’re not in a position to pay for professional hair, make-up etc. She’s your friend, you’ve said she’s lovely, so she’ll get it, I think. If I was her I’d see you right but maybe she feels if she does it for you she’d need to do it for everyone (and there’s a reason for that lol).

Don't feel embarrassed about explaining that you don't feel you can't be bridesmaid and it's because you don't know the full details of the cost.

She must know about your financial situation if she's such good friends with you. If not, it's a simple explanation.

Better do that then struggle and not enjoy the event, or even drop out of being bridesmaid without explaining.

It's not confrontation.

@janehopper The tradition of who buys the dress def. differs depending on the country.

In the UK, for example, the bride always buys the dresses; in the US, however, the bridesmaids buy their own. From what posters have said, in Indian culture the bride buys the dresses.

I suspect that the bride feels that as she’s paying for the accommodation, the bridesmaids should fork out- but it was her decision to have a destination wedding!