Page 10 | To feel slightly miffed about paying for a dress now?

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:56

bumbaloo · 08/10/2025 19:40

Why do you keep saying the flights are £1200 but you are only really paying £600 for?

you are paying £1200, £600 through debt. And there will be interest on that too.

do you see your bonus pay as not real money? This is probably why you are poor. You have zero financial intelligence.

if you are bumbling along with minimal amounts going into your savings so you have to purchase things like this trip on credit card and pay off over time incurring interest, you shouldn’t be buying those things.

the ONLY things you should go into debt for are unexpected essentials.

putting money into savings and earning XX in interest then taking out debt on your card for purchases and paying XXXXX in interest is just stupid and goes against very very basic financial advice.

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Do you know what is in my savings account? Calling me poor for simply saying I am on a low income that doesn't have £250 to spend on a single dress I'll only wear once is a reach. I put my money in a fixed savings account that I can't just break open, and didn't know I'd be going on this holiday. Do you realise not everyone gets a bonus? I am lucky in my company and it's not always guaranteed. I don't see it as real money as it isn't guaranteed, can change and shouldn't plan my finances and life around it. I have a regular pay check, get child benefit and CMS and have no other large debts.

I have saved my bonus for many years and have taken my son on many holidays and put money towards savings. I rarely go out or buy things for myself mainly as I am really not materialistic and don't have many friends to go out anyway. Choosing to go on a once in a life time holiday and paying £600 off for it for a few months isn't the end of the world.

I am a grown adult who can budget for myself and can make my own decisions. If that makes me financially irresponsible or poor then so be it and that is your opinion. I do want to avoid seeming like a parrot, but to repeat myself again, that was not my AIBU or the point of my post.

OP posts:

SagittariusDwarf · 08/10/2025 19:49

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:29

No-one pays for flights or things with a credit card or uses it for short term debts? Had no idea. If my savings weren't fixed, I'd take it out of part of my own little pot but couldn't so used a credit card. I sadly didn't qualify for an interest free one, but the interest isn't high and I can still afford it and won't take me long to pay off. On a low income I can't afford to splurge £250 on a dress I'll only wear once and likely not easily sell. That was my AIBU and my only point.

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I always pay for flights (and other big expenses) on credit cards, because I get points/Avios/whatever is available on the credit card I use, and for the protection associated with paying by credit card. I always pay off in full and never pay interest.

enjoy your holiday OP, it sounds great!

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 08/10/2025 19:45

I would never have agreed to spend so much money attending a wedding in the first place especially if I were a single parent and strapped for cash.

I would just not go. It’s so much money. Bonkers.

ChicOliveCritic · 08/10/2025 19:43

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 14:35

My close friend is getting married in Thailand and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid. At first I was going to decline as I couldn’t afford to travel that far out for the wedding for 7 days (single mum on low income) but got a small bonus from work and used it to pay part of the flights/trip and took out a credit card to pay the rest. because she’s paying for the accommodation for everyone it made it a bit easier for me financially to change my decision. Her background is Indian and she has gone back home to pick out her dresses and bridesmaid dresses, and sent me the one her and her family have chosen. The dresses cost £250 each and tbf they are stunning. She then said she would get mine and I could transfer her when she came back to the UK.

I was in shock due to the price and asked if I would be able to find something cheaper myself which she has accepted. I asked my other friend who is Indian (separate friendships) if she knew any nice shops to buy a cheap Indian style bridesmaid dress. She gave me a few but again out of my budget which is max £80. However she brought up that in Indian culture the bride always pays for the dresses and was in shock that I am having to pay out of pocket. I told her I don’t mind too much as long as the price is fair and don’t know anything much about this as their culture.

But her reaction made me think maybe it is a bit unreasonable to expect me to pay for the dress in the first place (my own objections are regardless of culture). The dress my friend has picked is very high quality and has lots of embellishments in a certain beautiful shade and I’m worried I wont be able to afford a dress that can match and look nearly as nice as the other bridesmaids and will stick out like a sore thumb. I will have to suck it up and just buy something cheap but do feel a bit miffed and I'm struggling to find anything so far.

YABU- You should should not feel miffed to pay for a dress no matter the quality.
YANBU - She should be paying for the dress.

Hello OP.
Sorry about your predicament. There are companies that also rent out Indian wedding outfits. Take a look at By Rotation and Bollywood Borrowed.

https://byrotation.com/designers/indian?srsltid=AfmBOopOwINJf0mAw3cwsd7IwyCVyWrCrF14Y1PIenWvkR-ihWNFq2l3

Rent Indian Lehenga Dresses | By Rotation UK

Nothing does it quite like an Indian dress. Rent a selection of traditional Indian clothing, from colourful lehengas to beautiful 3 piece Indian sets. India has

https://byrotation.com/designers/indian?srsltid=AfmBOopOwINJf0mAw3cwsd7IwyCVyWrCrF14Y1PIenWvkR-ihWNFq2l3

NoSoupForU · 08/10/2025 19:43

Honestly I think she's got an absolute cheek to expect people to travel to the other side of the globe for her wedding, and then to also pay to be in her wedding party.

bumbaloo · 08/10/2025 19:40

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 16:53

Not really. Being on a low income means I don't have £250 to splurge on a dress I'll only wear once. That was my point. Not as to whether I can afford the holiday which I had already planned financially and factored in with my bonus and a short term credit card that will be paid over a period with part of my pay. Not sure why people are dissecting my finances and choices over this when it wasn't the point of my post tbh. A £1.2k once in a life time (for me anyway) holiday to Thailand for 7 days that I am really only paying £600 for spread out over months isn't going to break me forever. Not trying to back track at all...

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Why do you keep saying the flights are £1200 but you are only really paying £600 for?

you are paying £1200, £600 through debt. And there will be interest on that too.

do you see your bonus pay as not real money? This is probably why you are poor. You have zero financial intelligence.

if you are bumbling along with minimal amounts going into your savings so you have to purchase things like this trip on credit card and pay off over time incurring interest, you shouldn’t be buying those things.

the ONLY things you should go into debt for are unexpected essentials.

putting money into savings and earning XX in interest then taking out debt on your card for purchases and paying XXXXX in interest is just stupid and goes against very very basic financial advice.

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:33

Thejackrussellsrule · 08/10/2025 19:26

Why is everyone having such a go at OP about going and not taking her son? If it was her ex going, no one would bat an eyelid! OK, there may be more sensible ways to spend the money, but what a fabulous experience it will be.

Enjoy OP, I hope you manage to suss out an outfit. Maybe try Vinted or some preloved FB pages.

Thank you! I am so excited as I haven't been this far before and this would be my first ever adult holiday. I have taken my son on many holidays (maybe not so far away) and he has never gone without in terms of clothes, toys and trips and is spoilt rotten by friends and family. I chose this holiday and budgeted for it. It's the dress I am finding steep and was expecting her to pay as the bride which was my AIBU. If I couldn't afford to go I wouldn't have. Will try those options!

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:29

Jellybunny56 · 08/10/2025 19:21

If you’ve had to put it on a credit card that is literally the definition of not being able to afford to go!

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No-one pays for flights or things with a credit card or uses it for short term debts? Had no idea. If my savings weren't fixed, I'd take it out of part of my own little pot but couldn't so used a credit card. I sadly didn't qualify for an interest free one, but the interest isn't high and I can still afford it and won't take me long to pay off. On a low income I can't afford to splurge £250 on a dress I'll only wear once and likely not easily sell. That was my AIBU and my only point.

OP posts:

Thejackrussellsrule · 08/10/2025 19:26

Why is everyone having such a go at OP about going and not taking her son? If it was her ex going, no one would bat an eyelid! OK, there may be more sensible ways to spend the money, but what a fabulous experience it will be.

Enjoy OP, I hope you manage to suss out an outfit. Maybe try Vinted or some preloved FB pages.

Jellybunny56 · 08/10/2025 19:21

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:17

Does it matter, if I can pay it off though? £600 over a couple of months isn't terrible and the interest rate isn't very high. I didn't realise that having a low income as a single mum or not qualifying for an interest free credit card means I am poor and shouldn't go on holiday and cannot afford to go. My low income comment was in context to whether IABU with the dress in which I have said many times.

I get fair CMS from my ex, a regular pay check and have a little savings for me and my son. I am ok. Not great but ok. I don't need financial planners telling me what I should or shouldn't have spent my money on and it really wasn't the point of the post. I should have made that more clear in my OP I suppose.

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If you’ve had to put it on a credit card that is literally the definition of not being able to afford to go!

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:20

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 19:13

The low income/single mother comment was the context as to whether IABU for the dress as a bridesmaid.

in the context of finances op

Yes because on a low income my money goes on other things like bills and savings. I have chosen to budget for this once in a life time holiday for my friend's wedding and am paying £600 as a remainder and was more than happy to do so. I just didn't expect to have to either pay for or find a dress worth £250. I will look for something much cheaper and discuss delicately with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:17

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 19:01

Not being able to get an interest free credit card…. That is not a good sign regarding your how low your “I’m on a low income” really is

Does it matter, if I can pay it off though? £600 over a couple of months isn't terrible and the interest rate isn't very high. I didn't realise that having a low income as a single mum or not qualifying for an interest free credit card means I am poor and shouldn't go on holiday and cannot afford to go. My low income comment was in context to whether IABU with the dress in which I have said many times.

I get fair CMS from my ex, a regular pay check and have a little savings for me and my son. I am ok. Not great but ok. I don't need financial planners telling me what I should or shouldn't have spent my money on and it really wasn't the point of the post. I should have made that more clear in my OP I suppose.

OP posts:

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 19:13

The low income/single mother comment was the context as to whether IABU for the dress as a bridesmaid.

in the context of finances op

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 19:11

So you’re going to go

Ok 😦

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 19:08

BlueMum16 · 08/10/2025 18:52

OP I have to agree with everyone else, it sounds silly to have booked this trip. You clearly can't afford it. No one is saying you don't deserve it.

You couldn't get an interest free card.
You are using it to improve a credit score
You have low income
There's evidence you struggle some months (from the party comment).
These are all red flags that your financial position is crap.

You've taken out a debt of around £600. If you pay off at £50 a month it's likely to take you over 12 months. I can't imagine you can afford £300 a month to to clear before Christmas, or even £200 a month, but forgive me if I'm wrong. If you could you wouldn't be worrying about the dress.

You will also be down £50 or whatever your payment is every month making each month harder. Christmas soon.

You will also need to save for holiday spends. Even at £100 a day that's £700 you'll need to save in the next 12 months on top of paying off a debt.

The dress isn't the issue. The bride should be paying this, as the majority of replies have said.

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I have at no point said I am struggling. I simply said I am a single mother on a low income who cannot afford to splurge £250 on a dress I'll only wear once and not likely easily sell.

I paid for 10 people to attend my sons birthday party and had no issues paying. My dad (who is well off and can easily afford it), insisted for my son's benefit and chose to pay for a class party instead and matched my amount to double the kids attending.

I have some small savings in a fixed account and one for my son and pay in regularly. I have a regular pay every month. I have no large debts, rarely go out and my son doesn't go without and has been on many holidays in the past before starting school.

My credit score is fine, but could always be improved unless I don't match up with people on here who clearly have a perfect 1000 credit score. Paying off £600 over a few months isn't the end all or be all for a whole holiday to Thailand for 7 days where the food, travel and accommodation throughout my time there will be paid for and I simply mentioned the credit score as an added bonus.

I am a grown adult who can budget for a holiday and if I felt I couldn't afford to go, wouldn't have. The low income/single mother comment was the context as to whether IABU for the dress as a bridesmaid. Not for people to dissect my finances and previous posts as if they know me personally or judge me for choosing to go on my first ever adult holiday I am paying for and budgeted.

If others on a low income choose not to ever spend their money, that is their choice. I am not poor or destitute and decided on this luxury for myself.

OP posts:

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 19:01

Not being able to get an interest free credit card…. That is not a good sign regarding your how low your “I’m on a low income” really is

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 19:00

BlueMum16 · 08/10/2025 18:52

OP I have to agree with everyone else, it sounds silly to have booked this trip. You clearly can't afford it. No one is saying you don't deserve it.

You couldn't get an interest free card.
You are using it to improve a credit score
You have low income
There's evidence you struggle some months (from the party comment).
These are all red flags that your financial position is crap.

You've taken out a debt of around £600. If you pay off at £50 a month it's likely to take you over 12 months. I can't imagine you can afford £300 a month to to clear before Christmas, or even £200 a month, but forgive me if I'm wrong. If you could you wouldn't be worrying about the dress.

You will also be down £50 or whatever your payment is every month making each month harder. Christmas soon.

You will also need to save for holiday spends. Even at £100 a day that's £700 you'll need to save in the next 12 months on top of paying off a debt.

The dress isn't the issue. The bride should be paying this, as the majority of replies have said.

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Take this on board OP

seriously

BlueMum16 · 08/10/2025 18:52

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 18:24

I can afford to attend, it's more the extra cost I didn't expect and thought she'd be paying for the dress. I completely get where you are coming from though 100%!

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OP I have to agree with everyone else, it sounds silly to have booked this trip. You clearly can't afford it. No one is saying you don't deserve it.

You couldn't get an interest free card.
You are using it to improve a credit score
You have low income
There's evidence you struggle some months (from the party comment).
These are all red flags that your financial position is crap.

You've taken out a debt of around £600. If you pay off at £50 a month it's likely to take you over 12 months. I can't imagine you can afford £300 a month to to clear before Christmas, or even £200 a month, but forgive me if I'm wrong. If you could you wouldn't be worrying about the dress.

You will also be down £50 or whatever your payment is every month making each month harder. Christmas soon.

You will also need to save for holiday spends. Even at £100 a day that's £700 you'll need to save in the next 12 months on top of paying off a debt.

The dress isn't the issue. The bride should be paying this, as the majority of replies have said.

Penguincushion · 08/10/2025 18:51

The OP being a single mum on a low income bunging this holiday on a credit card is like the opening scene of a depressing Mike Leigh gritty British drama.

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 18:51

PurpleThistle7 · 08/10/2025 18:29

I think this will be the tip of the iceberg. There will be other costs and I don’t see how you can afford it if you’re already using credit. Can you cancel? If not I’d just be honest.

I’ve never had anyone pay for a bridesmaid dress and I didn’t pay for my bridesmaids.

I had factored in the wedding with my pay, bonus and credit card and only have around £600 to pay now. It's the last minute dress price I didn't expect. Looking now I can't find any nice dresses as good quality as my friend's dress.

OP posts:

Lotsnlotsoflove · 08/10/2025 18:34

I have always felt it is the height of utter cheeky fuckery to expect your guests to pay hundreds or thousands of pounds to attend your wedding, unless you move in a circle of millionaires. A wedding local to where you live or were raised, with good transport options so everyone can more or less go home to sleep in their own bed!

Lotsnlotsoflove · 08/10/2025 18:32

I have always felt it is the height of utter cheeky fuckery to expect your guests to pay hundreds or thousands of pounds to attend your wedding, unless you move in a circle of millionaires. A wedding local to where you live or were raised, with good transport options so everyone can more or less go home to sleep in their own bed!

PurpleThistle7 · 08/10/2025 18:29

I think this will be the tip of the iceberg. There will be other costs and I don’t see how you can afford it if you’re already using credit. Can you cancel? If not I’d just be honest.

I’ve never had anyone pay for a bridesmaid dress and I didn’t pay for my bridesmaids.

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 18:24

CausalInference · 08/10/2025 18:10

She shouldn't be asking you to pay for anything wedding related that she has decided on. It's such poor etiquette and made even worse by the fact it is a destination wedding that you can't really afford to attend. I'd either pull out entirely or I'd tell her what she is asking you to pay on top of travel is too much. If she was a close friend who knew you well and valued your friendship she wouldn't put you in such an awkward position to start with. She should be embarrassed.

I can afford to attend, it's more the extra cost I didn't expect and thought she'd be paying for the dress. I completely get where you are coming from though 100%!

OP posts:

Strawberry53 · 08/10/2025 18:11

I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses (I had 3) as well as their bouquets, hair on the day and even bought them matching necklaces as a present too. They were fine with doing their own make up as they didn’t wear much anyway and my budget didn’t stretch to make up. She should absolutely be covering the cost of your dress regardless but even more so due to the fact you have to pay for travel to do this role. Confrontation is hard but it doesn’t need to be a confrontation per se, you just need to explain your budget limits and be comfortable with that because there is no point stressing out over money for a dress you will literally wear one time. Be strong and tell her the truth, it’s nothing to be ashamed about, I’d say most people would find it hard to stomach paying £250 for a bridesmaid dress you will wear once.