To feel slightly miffed about paying for a dress now?

confusedlady10 · 2025-10-08T13:35:21+00:00

My close friend is getting married in Thailand and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid. At first I was going to decline as I couldn’t afford to travel that far out for the wedding for 7 days (single mum on low income) but got a small bonus from work and used it to pay part of the flights/trip and took out a credit card to pay the rest. because she’s paying for the accommodation for everyone it made it a bit easier for me financially to change my decision. Her background is Indian and she has gone back home to pick out her dresses and bridesmaid dresses, and sent me the one her and her family have chosen. The dresses cost £250 each and tbf they are stunning. She then said she would get mine and I could transfer her when she came back to the UK. I was in shock due to the price and asked if I would be able to find something cheaper myself which she has accepted. I asked my other friend who is Indian (separate friendships) if she knew any nice shops to buy a cheap Indian style bridesmaid dress. She gave me a few but again out of my budget which is max £80. However she brought up that in Indian culture the bride always pays for the dresses and was in shock that I am having to pay out of pocket. I told her I don’t mind too much as long as the price is fair and don’t know anything much about this as their culture. But her reaction made me think maybe it is a bit unreasonable to expect me to pay for the dress in the first place (my own objections are regardless of culture). The dress my friend has picked is very high quality and has lots of embellishments in a certain beautiful shade and I’m worried I wont be able to afford a dress that can match and look nearly as nice as the other bridesmaids and will stick out like a sore thumb. I will have to suck it up and just buy something cheap but do feel a bit miffed and I'm struggling to find anything so far. YABU- You should should not feel miffed to pay for a dress no matter the quality. YANBU - She should be paying for the dress.

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 28/10/2025 18:26

Bobbysmumma · 23/10/2025 20:33

The fixation on the £600 on the credit card (that op can pay off in a short period!) on this thread was nuts!! Enjoy your holiday OP! I have put flights on a credit card when we were offered the chance to stay at a friends villa and I’m neither a single parent or on a low income!! Crazy why that become the focus of the thread 😵‍💫

Getting to the point of my post…. I can’t see the dress! The link doesn’t work for me! Can you post a screenshot by any chance op please??

I'll try it on tomorrow and take a pic!

OP posts:

SpunkyKoala · 23/10/2025 21:19

Bride picks bride pays theme the rules.

Bobbysmumma · 23/10/2025 20:40

Ignore my comment- I found the screenshot of the dress! It’s really beautiful 💕

Bobbysmumma · 23/10/2025 20:33

The fixation on the £600 on the credit card (that op can pay off in a short period!) on this thread was nuts!! Enjoy your holiday OP! I have put flights on a credit card when we were offered the chance to stay at a friends villa and I’m neither a single parent or on a low income!! Crazy why that become the focus of the thread 😵‍💫

Getting to the point of my post…. I can’t see the dress! The link doesn’t work for me! Can you post a screenshot by any chance op please??

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 23/10/2025 13:14

Itsasecretnow · 23/10/2025 11:58

Phew! Bet that’s such a relief! Even if you end up having to pay to have it altered a little that’s still waaay under £300! Would love to see a pic, but totally understand if you wouldn’t want to post one. Mainly for my own nosiness, but I can imagine it looks gorgeous. They are always such beautiful materials and colours. I love the shimmeriness of them and the beautiful way that they hang ☺️

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I am gonna try alter it in, and then take a pic!

OP posts:

Itsasecretnow · 23/10/2025 11:58

confusedlady10 · 20/10/2025 17:21

The dress quoted a S/size 8 and it's come a bit bigger like 10-12. Still beautiful, I'll just have to find someone to tailor it in or alter it myself as it's a bit big! Looks the same as the picture none the less! :)

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Phew! Bet that’s such a relief! Even if you end up having to pay to have it altered a little that’s still waaay under £300! Would love to see a pic, but totally understand if you wouldn’t want to post one. Mainly for my own nosiness, but I can imagine it looks gorgeous. They are always such beautiful materials and colours. I love the shimmeriness of them and the beautiful way that they hang ☺️

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 20/10/2025 17:21

Itsasecretnow · 17/10/2025 17:54

@confusedlady10 I'm still only invested in the dress that you have now bought, again, ignoring all the noise (I think you really don’t need to keep on explaining/justifying to the posters still harping on about it, you have already done so, clearly and explicitly), I’m really hoping it turns up and it fits and it’s gorgeous and perfect! When is it due to arrive? ☺️

The dress quoted a S/size 8 and it's come a bit bigger like 10-12. Still beautiful, I'll just have to find someone to tailor it in or alter it myself as it's a bit big! Looks the same as the picture none the less! :)

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 20/10/2025 17:19

Lilywc · 20/10/2025 10:29

I really don’t understand why some people are so nasty in here ?

Neither do I haha. Even though I agreed with some of the criticism, it was very harshly worded. Ah well, Mumsnet for you!

OP posts:

Lilywc · 20/10/2025 10:29

I really don’t understand why some people are so nasty in here ?

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 20/10/2025 09:47

Itsasecretnow · 17/10/2025 17:54

@confusedlady10 I'm still only invested in the dress that you have now bought, again, ignoring all the noise (I think you really don’t need to keep on explaining/justifying to the posters still harping on about it, you have already done so, clearly and explicitly), I’m really hoping it turns up and it fits and it’s gorgeous and perfect! When is it due to arrive? ☺️

As soon as it arrives I'll try it on and update you! Should be arriving this week!

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 20/10/2025 09:45

SpryScroller · 20/10/2025 06:22

& for her sister too!

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She invited my sister, and she chose to have a destination wedding, if she wasn't paying for the accommodation and everything else she knew many people wouldn't come due to the expense. My sister and I are happy to pay for a dress for the wedding and flights which we have done (and me the extra bridesmaid dress), but it's not like I chose to get a free holiday like a freeloader or something. I am grateful for the experience none the less!

OP posts:

SpryScroller · 20/10/2025 06:22

CoffeeCatsandBooks · 10/10/2025 14:45

She is paying for the accomodation and you are complaining about spending money for the dress?! Really?

& for her sister too!

Itsasecretnow · 17/10/2025 17:54

@confusedlady10 I'm still only invested in the dress that you have now bought, again, ignoring all the noise (I think you really don’t need to keep on explaining/justifying to the posters still harping on about it, you have already done so, clearly and explicitly), I’m really hoping it turns up and it fits and it’s gorgeous and perfect! When is it due to arrive? ☺️

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 16:26

BruFord · 16/10/2025 15:55

@Andprettygood I know, but it’s still a different mentality.

If you’ve literally never had to save up for anything nor struggled to pay a bill, you really do view money differently. Perhaps her friend thought that the OP could use a credit card…not realizing that she’d already done this for the flights and really couldn’t put another expense on it.

I know I sound like I’m excusing her friend, but I know ppl like this IRL. Wealth from birth does put you in a financial bubble!

She knows the op is a single parent
she presumably knows the property the op lives on and the job she has - indicating that she’s not rolling in money.

Then throw in fact that the OP EXPLICITLY told her she was struggling to pay for it

Well, she’s either not the sharpest tool in the box or not very nice not to jump in ease the situation by offering a contribution. Or even offering to cover

BruFord · 16/10/2025 15:55

@Andprettygood I know, but it’s still a different mentality.

If you’ve literally never had to save up for anything nor struggled to pay a bill, you really do view money differently. Perhaps her friend thought that the OP could use a credit card…not realizing that she’d already done this for the flights and really couldn’t put another expense on it.

I know I sound like I’m excusing her friend, but I know ppl like this IRL. Wealth from birth does put you in a financial bubble!

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 15:49

BruFord · 16/10/2025 15:40

@Andprettygood I’ve noticed that people who were brought up in high income households and have always had extra cash sometimes genuinely don’t realize that finding an extra £250 for a dress, for example, really can be tough.

One of my closest friends is like this, she’s from a wealthy family and has never struggled to pay a bill. She invited DH and I out to a really expensive restaurant with a group of friends and was taken aback when I said that that it was beyond our price range so we’ll decline this time.

It’s not deliberate, just totally outside their life experience, iyswim.

But the op was absolutely crystal clear that she was struggling to afford.

The message was clear

BruFord · 16/10/2025 15:40

@Andprettygood I’ve noticed that people who were brought up in high income households and have always had extra cash sometimes genuinely don’t realize that finding an extra £250 for a dress, for example, really can be tough.

One of my closest friends is like this, she’s from a wealthy family and has never struggled to pay a bill. She invited DH and I out to a really expensive restaurant with a group of friends and was taken aback when I said that that it was beyond our price range so we’ll decline this time.

It’s not deliberate, just totally outside their life experience, iyswim.

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 12:37

confusedlady10 · 16/10/2025 12:14

Tbh I didn't even mind paying for a dress as I didn't think it was a big deal, it was more the price and my other Indian friend bringing it up that made me double take. She was in shock that I was being asked, no matter the cost. The bride and I are good friends but not best friends to where I would feel comfortable bringing it up in an awkward way.

I am very shy anyway and didn't want to feel like I was complaining because tbh I do agree with a few other people's opinion (although wish they were less rude with it) in that I should be grateful as she is paying for the whole trip bar the flights. £68 for a dress is more than reasonable and she loved the one the person up the thread picked out and actually looks very similar to the dresses, just a cheaper quality. So I guess it's worked out in the end. I've never been a bridesmaid before so this was all new to me. Thank you!

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Oh you did nothing wrong!

I am just a bit surprised that the bride listens to you be honest that you’re struggling with the cost, and didn’t jump in to say she’ll contribute or pay for it

nomas · 16/10/2025 12:22

ZXZXZ6789 · 15/10/2025 10:35

Why should OP pay for a dress when she is the one doing her friend a favour by being the bridesmaid?

If someone asks you do do them a favour by wearing a certain outfit for an event they are planning, would YOU be happy to be out of pocket for THEIR decisions on your choice of clothing?

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OP isn't doing the bride a favour.

An Indian wedding is not the same as an English wedding. OP has already said she hasn't had to contribute any effort to the hen or wedding. She will be there just to have a good time, the family will cover the duties.

There is nothing about Indian weddings that means bridemaids deserve free accommodation or dresses, they are in the gift of the bride.

OP is invited, she has free accommodation for her and her sister for a week, that is very generous.

And she has now sorted herself a pretty dress, which is at it should be.

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 16/10/2025 12:14

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 12:06

I don’t think you or her are in the wrong or anything like that.

But I am a bit 🤔 that a good friend tells the bride that she’s struggling to afford the suggested dress, and the bride didn’t offer to pay halves or even pay for the dress full stop. Especially given she presumably knows that you’ve spent 4 figures on her wedding already and you’re a single parent on a tight budget. That I find a bit..,, thoughtless

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Tbh I didn't even mind paying for a dress as I didn't think it was a big deal, it was more the price and my other Indian friend bringing it up that made me double take. She was in shock that I was being asked, no matter the cost. The bride and I are good friends but not best friends to where I would feel comfortable bringing it up in an awkward way.

I am very shy anyway and didn't want to feel like I was complaining because tbh I do agree with a few other people's opinion (although wish they were less rude with it) in that I should be grateful as she is paying for the whole trip bar the flights. £68 for a dress is more than reasonable and she loved the one the person up the thread picked out and actually looks very similar to the dresses, just a cheaper quality. So I guess it's worked out in the end. I've never been a bridesmaid before so this was all new to me. Thank you!

OP posts:

Andprettygood · 16/10/2025 12:06

confusedlady10 · 16/10/2025 12:01

Because it's a destination wedding in Thailand that she invited me to. If she wasn't paying there's no way I would have gone and she knew that. And I wasn't complaining, I just didn't expect to pay for the dress no matter where the wedding was as I assumed the bride pays for these things, which is why I asked. On one hand many people have called my friend a CF and the b word, and on the other I have also been called a selfish ungrateful CF (including my sister). Sounds like you can't win on Mumsnet asking for advice!

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I don’t think you or her are in the wrong or anything like that.

But I am a bit 🤔 that a good friend tells the bride that she’s struggling to afford the suggested dress, and the bride didn’t offer to pay halves or even pay for the dress full stop. Especially given she presumably knows that you’ve spent 4 figures on her wedding already and you’re a single parent on a tight budget. That I find a bit..,, thoughtless

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 16/10/2025 12:01

CoffeeCatsandBooks · 10/10/2025 14:45

She is paying for the accomodation and you are complaining about spending money for the dress?! Really?

Because it's a destination wedding in Thailand that she invited me to. If she wasn't paying there's no way I would have gone and she knew that. And I wasn't complaining, I just didn't expect to pay for the dress no matter where the wedding was as I assumed the bride pays for these things, which is why I asked. On one hand many people have called my friend a CF and the b word, and on the other I have also been called a selfish ungrateful CF (including my sister). Sounds like you can't win on Mumsnet asking for advice!

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedlady10 · 16/10/2025 11:54

Orangelover · 16/10/2025 09:26

Glad you’ve found something OP in your budget. You’ve been a lovely friend to make it work and still make the bride happy.

this has been one of the funniest threads I’ve read in a while. I’ve been on 3 abroad wedding holidays, two of which me and DH had to stick on credit cards. All paid shortly after, 0% interest. The audience of this thread probably think I’m an absolute down and out Why turn down an amazing experience to enjoy a week in Thailand, accomodation/food paid for for the sake of £600 which you know you can pay off over a few months and whilst your son enjoys a holiday with his dad. No brainer have a fab time!

Thank you! Definitely learned my lesson to never be a single mum on a low income and go holiday on Mumsnet ever again hahaha.

OP posts:

Orangelover · 16/10/2025 09:26

Glad you’ve found something OP in your budget. You’ve been a lovely friend to make it work and still make the bride happy.

this has been one of the funniest threads I’ve read in a while. I’ve been on 3 abroad wedding holidays, two of which me and DH had to stick on credit cards. All paid shortly after, 0% interest. The audience of this thread probably think I’m an absolute down and out Why turn down an amazing experience to enjoy a week in Thailand, accomodation/food paid for for the sake of £600 which you know you can pay off over a few months and whilst your son enjoys a holiday with his dad. No brainer have a fab time!

deeahgwitch · 16/10/2025 08:52

I’m so glad you got something you love @confusedlady10but I still think the bride should pay for it.