Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

It's not you who should leave. You kick him and his horror of a teenage son out of YOUR house.

You say it is your council house and in your name so his name isn't even on the tenancy by the sound of things. Get the locks changed while they are both out, bag up their stuff and leave it outside.

If they come back and start harassing and threatening you then call the police.

Get some advice from Women's Aid too.

Also tell your DP that his son is now a risk to your two smaller children and that he can only be in the house when he is there - he cannot be alone with you and/or your DC at any time.

This is excellent advice, and I think that it would be worth contacting children's social services, outlining your concerns about DSS's anger issues and the potential risk to your children, emotionally if not physically, and asking their advice.

They will have dealt with situations like this before, and will be able to offer advice and strategies to deal with it. This may be the wake-up call that your DP needs.

I wouldn't take that from my other half tell him straight he either steps up and sorts his sons attitude out towards you .. changes his own attitude towards you or they can both leave .

I'm so sorry. You are in a terrible spot.

I don’t find the lol comment funny either. Two young children relying on you for a safe home and you put up with this instead?
As someone else said, you’re a lot less trapped then most who do leave with nothing.
You need to take action before someone reports your family to social services. If I was your neighbour and I heard all this going on, I wouldn’t hesitate. Someone needs to protect the small children who have no choice in this living arrangement.

Its strange how everybody is avoiding the word 'boy' and 'child' referring to her SS as a 'young male'.
I dont think a young teen throwing something (at noone) in frustration, constitutes 'violent' or 'abusive'. Its the usual mumsnet sexist hyperbole at play

How many of your tvs has he broken before?

You know what you have to do OP. You just need to dredge up the strength and courage. There will be so much support & help for you on this site if you do decide to kick him out. It might be hard at first but it’s the right thing to do.

Why the lol at him saying he's done?

If you want him out then posters will help. If you just want to moan then say that.

There is an answer but this is an awful environment for your kids and he is a terrible father.

You're SO MUCH less trapped than most women. The tenancy is in your name.

Kick him out and get your UC application in.

He needs you. You don't need him.

This is great advice!

I wouldn't be alone with a violent adult or teenager - why should you be in that position? Your partner should be at home before your step-son is allowed in the house. The pair of them can then do whatever they want re dinner / video games / speaking to each other "correctly" 🙄

OP, it's your house! Kick him out, now! Yes, it'll be hard on your own with 2 small kids, but I guarantee it won't be as hard as it is now. You get rid of the thug and the kid he's dragging up to become a thug. Imagine your kids growing up in this environment and thinking it's normal. You need to protect them, give them the calm, nurturing home they deserve.

You need to work towards getting your abuser out of your house. You could ask Chat Gpt for a simple escape plan. You can do it!

The council house is in your name so kick the loser out.

Chuck him out!

It was a nice post!

More questions:

Do you have any family, either local or not?
Do you currently have any professional support?

If you have family and/or professional support in place, reach out to them and ask for their help. If you don't have professional support then I would suggest trying to get some in place, even if it means a visit to the GP for signposting. Your children are growing up in a dysfunctional home with a violent older brother and parents who (by the sounds of it) regularly shout at one another. If I were you I would self refer to social services rather than take the risk of someone overhearing all of this shouting and doing it for you.

Is he getting you to look after his son so he doesn't have to pay as much child support to his ex? I don't think the teen is going to get better any time soon. Send him on his way and see what benefits are available for now. Think about what training you can do so you can get a job in a few years when the baby is older.

Op can I try and make you see some logic and sense . Do you depend on him financially? Do you both get UC ? Does he work etc ? Is the house you live rented ? If so whose name in on the tenancy ?

This man is abusive. It’s not a case of not having anywhere to go, if the council house is in your name then it’s him who has to find somewhere to go. Yes it will be hard, but your life will better without this man in it.

It's your home. You need to protect your young children by throwing him and his son out. Make them the priority in your life. Do this for them and give them a chance of a happy and peaceful life.

Your whole post talks about him. I bet all your mental energy is focused on him too. Imagine how clam and happy your life would be without him. Imagine how calm and happy you could make it for your children. The mental energy you could spend on them instead of him. The relief they'd feel not having a violent, unpredictable teen around them all the time. This is a no brainer OP.

you don't need to leave - you make him and his son leave. walking on eggshells and him dumping you constantly is no way to live. Sounds like you need a chat with Women's Aid too.

Op you're in a stronger position than many given the housing tenancy is in your name only. He goes, taking his nasty, violent son with him. UC and council office the same day to ensure you're getting all the help you can. CMS for what it's worth and go from there. You'll be amazed at what a lovely, peaceful family time you'll have without him. Do you have parents or siblings to help you at all?

You know you do have a choice don’t you? Get rid of both of them from your life - you will feel much happier I’m sure. Nobody needs that kind of drama in their lives.