Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

You’ve been “on and off” for all 6 years of your 6 year relationship yet have an almost 6 year old? And a second child?

do you work?

Double this.
This is on you op if your kids grow up screwed up because you have got this loser and his aggressive kid in their lives.
Think on that.

*I’ve told DP before he needs to actually parent him but he just shrugs and says I “don’t get lads”+

This is not a man you want parenting your kids.

Work out what you’ll be entitled to with him gone and work to get your outgoing within that. Then throw him out. And claim through CMS, treating anything you do get as a bonus, not something to rely on.

Until then, if at all possible, don’t let the 14 year old in the house unless his dad is there. And start looking at shoring up your work skills so that when the baby is old enough you can start building a career.

It’s going to be a tough decade or so making it on your own. But keeping that man around will just mean chaos and violence in yours and your children’s lives for much longer. Because even as his 14 year old gets older and stops coming round, your ‘D’P is going to be parenting you own children just as badly and they will have years of this example and exposure to aggression and disrespect of you.

OP:
Great news: the house is in your name, and you are not married, so he can’t claim ‘marital home’.

Stay where you are and kick him out.

Find out what you would be entitled to for support. You’d be able to reduce Council Tax to single person discount.

The taxpayer yet again subsidising the poor choices of women who can’t choose an appropriate mate and father for their children and bring children into these unstable relationships with no thought for the consequences.

OP you don't need anywhere to go, it is your house. He goes not you. AS for being behind with the electricity, it's obvious having him around isn't paying the bills. I would imagine you will be much better off on UC.
As for him saying you won't cope, what he means is he needs somewhere to take his 14 year old at the weekends and your house suits his needs. You can and will cope, do the tight thing for you and your children.

Lock them both out this is not acceptable

you need to put your children first, they are growing up in a violent household and with a dad who excuses his sons behaviour as ‘just what lads are like’ ermmm…no. You and your children deserve better than this and you don’t want them growing up thinking that’s acceptable behaviour.

kick him out and apply for universal credit, you are in a less worse position than you think, you will work it out, he needs you not the other way round.

in terms of a new tv, when you are able to spare some money have a look on Facebook marketplace :)

You know what you have to do. Sorry op.

You may find that he backtracks when he realises you, his free childcare for his horrible child, are done with them both.

He may grundgingly to pay for a new tv at that point.

Be ready to say no thanks Im done here dont let the door
hit you (ie him and son) on the arse on your way out….

If for any reason you make up. Sigh. Double down on contraception. Youve enough worries without an unplanned pregnancy to that prince amongst men.

sorry youre going through that.

Or maybe he doesn’t come round at all, until his behaviour improves?

Don't leave, chuck him out of YOUR house.

Okay @AutumnSquashSoup so I am likely to get flamed for this but here goes… firstly, in no way am I suggesting this is in any way your fault. You sound like you are going above and beyond providing for your kids.
Saying that, I’m wondering about your DP’s lad’s experience. How does he feel about you and DP being together and his DF having kids with you? Does he feel a bit pushed aside snd angry and he is taking this out (unfairly but predictably) on you? Ie. “You’re not my mum, how dare you tell me what to do?”. Is your partner feeling guilty about how his son feels and also therefore putting the blame (unfairly yet predictably) on you?
If I were you, I would talk to your Dp (if you want to figure this out)… what does he want you to do when it’s dinner time and his son refuses to get off his device? Tell him once then leave dinner to get cold? It could be heated up later? Leave it in his room? You need a plan for what to do. Also I’d suggest getting together as a 3 and figuring this out… recognise it might be hard for him having someone who is not his mum telling him what to do and at the same time there are expectations and boundaries in the house, especially little kids need to be kept safe. So, as a 3, how are you going to figure this out? Maybe he only comes round when your DP is present? You can come up with different ways to potentially figure out a solution (however silly?) and then decide together.
look up Ross Greene if you are interested in this approach and good luck

Another vote for dump the twat and hence follows the son. It won't get better you know.

As the house is in your name, you need to tell him to leave and mean it. You and your two children will be much better off without the turmoil caused by your 'partner'. He's abusive and he's undermining you.

The way he treats you and allows his son to treat you is appalling and not the way a true partner would behave.

You are not trapped, you just need to make the right decision. You are an adult and a mother, you are more than capable of managing without him. This man adds nothing to your life, get rid of him.

This is so helpful OP! It really is good news that the house is yours, not his. He actually has more to lose than you. Honestly you will look back in wonder at how you ever put up with him.

Short step from being violent to objects to being violent to you, particularly now his dad has confirmed he's ok with it and will blame you.

DP sounds very little use in all ways and is frequently 'done' - get rid OP.

I know everyone’s saying leave but it’s not that easy when you’ve got 2 kids and nowhere to go and he keeps saying I’d “never manage without him”
I just feel trapped tbh don’t even know where to start

Wow, OP, he's really done a number on you.

Of course you'd manage without him, probably a damn sight better than with him, by the sound of it. You'd get around £1k a month in UC, your rent and council tax would be covered, and you can go through CMS and get maintenance on top of that. As the tenancy is in your name, and you're not married, I can't see that he has any right to remain in the property, although it would be worth getting advice from Women's Aid.

And your life would be far more peaceful for the three of you, which is priceless.

You will manage without him

hes a bully

and your kids deserve better then that

good it’s a council property and in your name

so he can leave

yes I know it’s easier said then done but you aren’t happy and he doesn’t sound supportive or loving

She’s not really. She can kick him out so very easily. The house is in her name.

I don’t get why you want your younger kids around this waster and his son. Who sadly is becoming a waster like his dad.

You don’t need to “leave”

You need to contact the council to say you are splitting up due to his and his son’s abusive behaviour. Get his name off the house. Wait until he’s out and change the locks. Or better yet do it now.

Change the locks and pack up his stuff. Drop it to a neutral party. Tell him either you can agree contact and child maintenance etc amicably or by court order. https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order

This!

A teenage boy plus computer games. Work of the devil. I’d be furious OP, with both of them. Couldn’t be bothered with either in my life.

If your partner can't attempt to parent his son, kick him out.

This! Nothing trapped about it. You have a roof over your head and that’s half the battle won. Many women don’t have that and can’t afford to rent privately so they really are “trapped”

My ex left me with 2 kids, walked out the door and never came back, I had no heads up just left and buggered off to the Middle East he has zero contact with his son ever since, it’s been 15 years now, my youngest was 2 at the time.

Luckily I had my own flat, and I just had to get on with it, simply as, I didn’t even have the luxury to me biting my nails or shaking as to how I would cope. It was hard and fell into a depression but that was more because of the way he blindsided me rather than how I was going to cope, etc but the local services and sons school were all very supportive and within a few months I was in a better place.

He doesn’t sound like he’s much help or use around the house anyway other than for helping towards the bills but honestly I’d rather live in poverty than deal with that kind of idiotic man and his kid.