Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

I feel sorry for everyone in this situation apart from your partner. The snapshot you’ve shared suggests his son has been very badly parented, and tbh, with your partner’s attitude you’re not going to be able to be a good influence on him. Your children, unless you kick him out, will grow up to think that this is a normal relationship, ‘boys will be boys’, and how women should be treated. And you OP, will be miserable and spend your time walking on eggshells.

it’s no way to live, it’s really not. You are the one with the tenancy, look at what options you have to support yourself (whether it’s UC/benefits for now, work opportunities in the future) and show him the door. You feel trapped but you’re not. It might not be easy, but do it for yourself and your children.

I think living with an abusive partner is more than just a 'bit rocky'

Oh OP its your house, you can 100% kick him out and claim UC as a single parent which will hopefully help with the bills. Please contact some resources like womens aid who can hopefully sign post you into getting the help you need if he completely refuses to pay for anything. Apply for child maintenance immediately. You can do this, life will be so much easier without two abusive males in your life (although I have a little sympathy for the teenage lad who has been totally failed by his father). Xx

Life isn't worth walking on eggshells and your little ones don't deserve to be brought up in a house of arguments and smashed tv's. Make your babies feel safe and secure. Sending strength. Xx

You need to break the cycle. If you don't kick him and his lad out then your kids are going to grow up to be the same. And then their kids will be the same and over and over. Show your kids that you do not treat people this way. Be the role model you should be. Its your house, you'll manage, you'll find a way because you are stronger than you realise.

The world would be in even bigger trouble if we all ducked out and onto UC when things are rocky

Jeez it just gets worse, why the heck are you behind on the electric? Why isn't he helping financially? Do the council know he lives there?

If it were my house the xbox would be gone and no similar games allowed.

Violence is unacceptable and there needs to be a consequence.

You make it sound so straight forward.
2 kids together, combined home and finances etc
Teenager throws tantrum (not intending to break TV)
This needs to be worked through, not ended, for all concerned

it is YOUR house - you tell HIM to leave!!

get signed onto universal credit even temporarily and get rid of them both

Step son is either violent or has an addiction problem as a reaction like this to be told to switch off the device is completely uncalled for. So let your kids watch Bluey on your phone or tablet. TV is broke, so DP can't watch TV either. Throw the Nintendo out. Make sure stepson understands your house your rules. And start giving this spoiled child chores. At 14 he needs to work for his keep. And if he has a phone, switch the Wifi off until all the chores are done. Things will need to change. Esp with his fathers reaction to you, this lad will learn

You don't need to go anywhere OP, its your house. You might be on your own with 2 children, but so what? Plenty of women manage - he tells you that to keep you from walking away but the truth is, he is the one who won't manage without you. He's the one that will have to house, feed, and parent his son. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that I bet that your eldest child is already acting up/acting out/showing signs of aggression and temper? Don't wait until your son is smashing up the place, being abusive towards you, because he's learning from his dad and stepbrother, before you do something about this. Your children deserve better, even if you think that you don't?

And if he won't leave, get some support from a brother or father, and tell him you'll call the police if he doesn't go.

Wait... what? The council house is in your name! So, it's simple! You tell him to leave. He has no legal right to be there. Please stop making excuses! Tell him today to leave. He (and his son) is a risk to your children.

All I will say is - imagine if it hit your 17 month old's face instead of the TV.

You must protect your children and get rid of both.

Hes raising his boy to think being violent in a home with woman and kids is OK.

Its far from ok and your twat of a partner blaming you for it shows exactly where he leanrs it from.

You don't need to leave him..you need to make him leave you.

Get him out of your house before it escalates. Soon the boy will start punching you and arsehole will blame you for that too.

That’s not standard teen behaviour that is just downright violent, and I certainly wouldn’t be having someone like that in a house around my kids!

I really feel for you. But u say you cant manage without him but it doesnt sound like you're managing with him anyway. And if his son isnt around thats one less mouth to feed. Can you set some boundaries and if he leaves so be it? Any relatives around can help?

Will u be able to get a job when baby is older and maybe a childminder with the 15 hours free childcare?

Oh do one!

Lots of kids like to watch particular shows and sometimes it the only way to get 10 minutes to do something wild and selfish like having an unaccompanied wee.

Its not "using tv to parent" to let watch an epidsode of Bluey after dinner. Are you this sanctimonious in real life?!

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.. spring's to mind.
And if that's the case learnt behaviour from the boy perhaps?

The partner sounds worse than the son. His son does something wrong but no it cant be his fault.. this is a bad omen.

This will bells on.

Also this from pp
"I’d be telling him he needs to be present all the time his son is in “his” care and doing all the parenting of him, especially since you are so shit at it. He can cook those nights and do all his laundry (assuming he doesn’t already)."

If he has that little control and that bad a temper, I'd be worried for the welfare of my children. Your partner should be being a team with you. He's being both an awful parent and awful partner.

Your other kids will also be watching and copying the behaviour of his son, and watching your relationship dynamics for a model for their future relationships. Would you accept this for them?

Leave him and don’t use tv to parent your kids.

Hello @AutumnSquashSoup I'm sorry you're in this situation. I was in a very similar position and looking back I would advise you to call your health visitor or DV service for support now, they will help you decide what to do and help make a safe exit strategy (if that's what you decide) which is the most important thing.

Maybe take a few days and go stay with friends or family with your children and get some breathing space if you can do that safely.

I'm sure there's more that's happening that you can't necessarily see right now. I'm happy for you to message me directly if that might help.

(To those criticising why women find themselves in relationships like this or why they stay- it isn't that simple. Maybe count your blessings you haven't experienced this instead of being so unhelpful.)

Id tell DP I wasn't having DSS in the house without him when he has such a violent temper with no consequences in front of my babies.

DSS will have to arrive and leave with his dad until hes willing to apologise and improve his behaviour

If the house is in your name then DP needs to leave. I don’t pretend its easy and you may need support to do it but he is living in your house so if you are separating he will need to move.

Call it a trial separation so he can focus on his eldest for a while if that helps but get advice on how to remove both of them from the house. It is not good for your younger children to be in such a violent and volatile situation - prioritise them, it may help you work out the next steps. You deserve better than this as do your children.