Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

Life it too short to put up with this shit. The incident itself wouldn't be so bad if your DH actually parented his son instead of blaming you for him acting up. We don't know the backstory here for this teen. It is concerning if this has happened before but how are kids supposed to learn if their dad acts like your DP?!

People saying to kick him out should know that of course it isn't that easy. You may jointly own or rent the property, it may be his in which case you have no right to just pack his bags. People are asking these questions as it isn't easy to advise until those details are clear.

Even if the house is yours, I don't know how you get him to leave if he refuses. I had this with my ex, it was my house but because we were married, I wasn't able to just throw him out and change the locks because it was the marital home. He refused to go and moved into the spare room and we had years of separating and reconciling under the same roof. I wish now I had got legal advice and started divorce proceedings to bring things to a head but it can be hard when you work and are trying to co-parent.

I think the process is easier if you aren't married in that you are allowed to just change the locks. I would check with a lawyer first though.

Literally throwing someone out who doesn't want to go is a whole load of grief and more difficult I should think if they have nowhere to go and a child to house.

Did he/they come back last night? Does SS live with you full time or partly with his mum? Just wondering on the arrangements and if either you or they have anywhere else to go in the short term if you separate.

That X-box would be drop-kicked to the moon for starters.

As gently as possible if the OP can't afford to replace the TV there is no way even a cheap hotel is on the cards. Xx

However I agree that trying to make moves to get out or get him out is for the best. He's a bloody bully and his son is following his example. Please try to contact refuge or womens aid and take care OP. Xx

OP, I know it's really hard, but you HAVE to stick up for yourself. TELL them that this is unacceptable. Lay down the law. Sit them down and tell them, in a strong voice, that they WILL treat you with respect, or you will break up this family. Dad will be up to his ears working to pay child support and there will be no more home-cooked family dinners. Inform DSD that he is going to pay x amount each week for the TV. It doesn't have to be the value of the TV - I mean, he's only 14 - but he should be sacrificing something from his pocket money each week.

Tell them that their behaviour is appalling and you don't expect to ever be spoken to like that again.

Too many men think that a woman is trapped by babies into accepting all their crap. Babies may affect our income, but they need not affect our personal power to say, "Do NOT treat me like that, or else."

I am so angry for you.

Stop making excuses for this dreadful behaviour.

I am not condoning the ss or dp bit i feel like there must be a back story. For a start, he didnt mean to break the tv and it sounds az tbough he eas acting oit of extreme frustration. Are you giving him plenty of warning before he has to come off? If you are playing some collaborative xbox games and a player just walks off in the middle of a game, it is extemely ride and stuffs it up for everyone else, and he will probably get a lot of verbal abuse for it.
It must be difficult for him at home with 2 much littler children who he is not a full sibling of, he will feel like the odd one out.
Cant he have the xbox in his room so he has a private place to escape to? Yoir dh isnt necessarily a dick. He just feels sorry for his boy. He is from a broken home. Your kids aren't

While he’s out, take the Xbox and sell it. Use the money to buy a TV then get rid of both of them. Their behaviour is completely unacceptable, abusive, and verging on dangerous.

Does your DP pay towards bills and food.
Does the son spend time at his mum's.

I wouldn't bother replacing the tv (it goes so much deeper than a broken television) . The stepson was rewarded for breaking it by his father backing him up and putting a divide between you. He will likely do it again.

Sorry you are going through this. I think you have to say that his son is only allowed to be there if he is there to control him.
The son should be contributing (allowance) at lease in part to the TV. He needs a penalty

They both need to go. Doesn’t matter that you have children with him. I mean, look at what a great dad he is! You are doing a disservice to your children having them both around because they will eventually learn to behave exactly the same.

I have a young teen. There are some hormonal strops sometimes, yes. No one in my house has ever broken a tv. I understand teens perfectly well. This isn’t how they behave.

You need to set a boundary and say that you will not look after DSS any more and if he's at yours DH needs to be there with him.

Look up Nacho kids.

Sounds like the rubbish has taken itself out!

Poor kid. It's not the childs fault. It's his father's.

If I were you I'd leave. It's only going to get worse.

Walk. Go and stay at a cheap local hotel. Stay with a friend or relative. Even if it's just for a few nights it'll shake them to their cores if they think you might be capable of messing with their cosy little nest. Sounds like they've all just got used to treating you so badly it's become normalised :-(

Check your local Facebook page and see if anyone is giving away a TV. Really sorry that this awful behaviour is happening to you and your children. It's not your fault.

It literally doesn't matter how you talk to a teenager, their reaction to it should never be to throw something at something else. Ever. This lad needs to learn to control his emotions and not let them out directed at women.

You MUST leave this horror of a man and his awful son as soon as you possible can. This is so damaging to your poor children to live this and watch their mother being treated like shit. Stop texting him, that implies you think he’s some kind of prize. He’s not. He’s an absolutely useless partner and father.

you have probably had someone uptgread saying it’s your fault for not spotting the provable clear signs that he was useless. But the ability to spot those signs come from your upbringing. Save your own children from thinking his awful behaviour is normal ‘for men’ like you did.

They both sound abusive and rather misogynistic. You don’t want that influence (from either of them) around your young children. Please leave him.

@AutumnSquashSoup I have two (now adult) sons, so I think I "get lads". The eldest had some anger issues as he reached his teen years; he shouted and slammed doors, but never once did he cause damage to property. He knew better, because he knew the boundaries.

Your 'D'P is failing his son, he is failing you, and he will fail your 2 DC. I think you know the answer to what you should do, but I know it's never that easy. Let him sulk in the van, stop texting him and make the most of the peace and quiet.

Good luck 💐

I would say that boy isn’t welcome in my house anymore, totally unacceptable

The tv is a bit of a red herring, this is clearly an abusive relationship and goes deeper than a broken telly.

This looks really bad, I’m so sorry. My fear is that there is no way of you preventing this man, their father, from damaging the children you share in the same way he is damaging your stepson. He thinks male violence is normal and natural and it’s a woman’s role to forestall it and failing that, to put up with it.

Your update suggests pps were correct in thinking you are already in an abusive relationship.

Have you got family or friends you could move in with until you can arrange accommodation? Whose is the house and if rented, in whose name(s)?

I do think you will need to leave which I know sounds exhausting and it will be hideous, however within months you will look back and know you made the right decision for you and for your children.

Ditto.

"... I couldn’t of done another night of him slamming doors and swearing at me".

So this isn't the first time he's been abusive.

He has to go, OP, he's not going to change. Do you really want your kids to grow up thinking this kind of behaviour is acceptable?