Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

Ditch the Knobhead and the Knobhead in Training

Kick your partner out and your step son in one go !
The reason I by you SS is that way is because if his dad , he has no respect for you so obviously the kid won’t either . Do yourself a favor and tell him to leave

Time for you to protect your kids from growing up like their violent thug of a brother under the watch of their useless excuse for a Dad.
I couldn’t live like this. You’re being victim blamed.

This is what I would do for the time being. Take the tv to the dump. They will both want a tv before you do!
Box up the x box and games and give it to someone to look after.
Let your boyfriend initiate a conversation about what will happen moving forward before you decide what to do for the future.
Leave the house for the evening with your children and go to a friend’s for dinner. You need time away from this shit show.

Quite a lot to unpick in this.

feel like I’m losing my mind lately honestly don’t even know anymore

That is very probably because you are being abused. Abusers are very good at making their victims feel like they don't know which way is up.

Why are you texting him?? Anything he does in this situation is only going to put a band aid on a gaping wound. You may think you can't do anything about this situation because you have two kids with this man, but I think you know you have to. It will do less damage to you and your children long term if you get them away from him and his son.

What are you going to do about it ?

This. He needs to learn the consequences to his actions. If your DP isn't willing to back you up and is blaming you, he's not going to be a good influence on your children either.
It's not easy to leave him especially as he is the father to your children but his and your step sons attitudes and actions are disgusting. It'll will be worth the trouble of being a single parent to get away from them

You would feel a lot more sane and grounded without this abusive wanker in your life. Like father, like son, I'm afraid.

OK - so you say you don't know what to do. Short term. GO out this afternoon and sell the Xbox and buy a TV. Tell your not so DP that you tried to get hold of him to discuss but that he's ignored your messages so you had to take the decision for yourself. Then both of them know actions have consequences....

When he does get home tell your DP very clearly that his son's behaviour is not normal and that he needs to sort him out with anger management classes now before it becomes the norm and he ends up potentially in serious trouble because as an 18 year old who's a bit drunk he lashes out at a stranger. Also tell your DP that his son is now a risk to your two smaller children and that he can only be in the house when he is there - he cannot be alone with you and/or your DC at any time. If he doesn't accept this then I think you should get in touch with SS/childline/101 to report that DSS is a risk to your children. YOu don't want the older of your children relating this at nursery and SS asking why you didn't raise the risk yourself.

You need to break up with this horrible man. He's a shit partner and a shit husband. Plus you'll then never have to suffer his ghastly son again.

I have daughters so.no issue. However i do just take my 15 year old her tea upstairs. Pick ya battles.
I wouldnt want this teen in the house with this behaviour and tbh why are you parenting his child

Walking on eggshells

thats the phrase that stuck out

if dp won’t change or parent his 14yr then he doesn’t stay. Simple

is the house yours ? Rented ? Owned together

do you work ? On ml ? How is money shared

He’s 14 not 6. And even if my six year old did that, it would be the last time they ever played that game.

Just go TV less.

Most of the stuff on there will rot the brain anyway.

Again? How many ones has this happened?

This ^

how about he parents his own child so that he doesn’t think that kind of behaviour is acceptable. Assuming you will in fact stay with him, then I would refuse to have his son at your house when he’s not there so that you can’t be blamed. He shouldn’t be using you to look after his child, anyway.

Quite.

Xbox would be smashed for a start. Tell DP he winds you up so it’s his fault.

Then I’d go from there.

It is possible to interact with a reactive teen in a way that soothes or inflames the situation.

it sounds like your partner feels you are causing unnecessary stress with his son. from the description you have given (a 14 year old who can be reactive and could just eat later on his own) it sounds like you picked an unnecessary fight as you were trying to do the right thing. It sounds like your partner would have handled this differently. I used to be like you, and overtime accepted that I had to be more relaxed like your partner. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary and so I have some sympathy with him

A lot of teenagers do resort to aggressive behaviour Unfortunately, girls do it too and it doesn’t mean they are inherently bad. As a stepmother you are in a particularly difficult position and it’s particularly difficult for your DS as well. If you’re going to continue to be in this young man’s life, then you are going to need to approach him very differently. Recommend CAPA first response as an amazing organisation which helps families whose children use aggression.

Get rid of your DP. He is a useless parent and advocates violence.

Whose name is on the mortgage or rent book?

If your partner speaks to you like that in front of his son and excuses all of his behaviour then you’re never going to be able to get anywhere with him. More worryingly your partner might also do the same with your joint children when they’re older. I’d say don’t replace the tv and sit down and have a conversation with DP were you are very direct about the impact this is having and the need for change.

Standing up to an abusive man who seems to condone violence can be very dangerous for the woman. As I said before, op needs to contact Women's Aid . Trust me , I've been there, had the black eyes and broken ribs to prove it.