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Very religious colleague

568 replies

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 06:46

I have a new colleague who is young, and very very religious. He isn’t quiet about his beliefs and in some ways I think that’s great, because he feels comfortable enough to be that way.

But in others it’s becoming quite uncomfortable. He will regularly ask people in the office what their opinion is on things like evolution, abortion and gay marriage. If they express a “non-Christian” belief he will laugh, tell them they’re wrong and explain what the bible says about these things. He won’t drop the subject even if people are visibly uncomfortable.

We listen to music in the office and he will object to almost anything that isn’t worship music. Someone played Sam Fender the other day (the consensus amongst the office was that it was a good playlist and we all enjoyed it), he asked for it to be changed because he doesn’t align with “Christian values”. So they switched on a different playlist, the first song was an Olivia Dean song and he started ranting about how she promotes sexual activity outside of marriage and that it’s wrong, women should be waiting until marriage etc.

He also expresses pretty strong views about women dating and it not being for marriage, that it’s “great” he has so many young female colleagues but he thinks we should be looking for marriage and to be a homemaker, etc etc.

I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to my manager quietly because his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable?

OP posts:
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Panpots · 08/10/2025 09:59

12345onceIcaughta · 08/10/2025 09:42

You all sound a bit wet. 39 people daren’t say anything, really?

Yes this is where I lose a bit of sympathy. It seems a bit ridiculous as this could be so easily solved IMO.

Confusdworriedmum · 08/10/2025 09:59

Most places where I work he'd have been laughed at for saying all women should be looking for marriage then stay at home with the children .
He can believe anything he likes but he's not allowed to make others feel uncomfortable if they don't agree with him.
I would talk to your manager. Don't say your against his beliefs but do make it clear that it's making you and others uncomfortable. He's going to end up incredibly unpopular with no-one wanting to work with him if he carries on like this.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2025 09:56

Bumblebee72 · 08/10/2025 09:51

But then a loving god wouldn't booby-trap a garden they had made you.

yes, putting the apple there before they had knowledge of good and evil does seem like stacking the decks against them.

Panpots · 08/10/2025 09:55

Pemba · 08/10/2025 07:52

This must be unbearable. Why haven't you all shut him down before now?

If nobody in the office has the gumption to tell him , then his line manager/HR dept need to be informed and they must deal firmly with him.

Personally, I don't recognise this particular American-influenced flavour of Christianity (a la Charlie Kirk), AS Christianity. It is completely unlike how Jesus behaved. Unfortunately it seems to be getting popular, but nothing like it is in the US of course. It's a twisted version imo.

It’s very sad.

I have Christian friends in the US who had to leave their churches recently due to feeling very uncomfortable about what the pastor was saying about people like Charlie Kirk (praising him, glossing over his hateful comments, positioning him as a martyr)

I looked up my childhood (UK) church on social media recently and was gutted to see they were now aligned with some “Christian” hate preachers from the U.S and the pastor of my childhood church is in support of Trump according to his Twitter.

US and UK churches often have informal partnerships and invite each other to speak at their churches and conferences etc. The UK is unfortunately much more influenced by the US than the other way around - and that is a general statement not just in regards to churches. Sometimes that’s a good thing of course as the U.S. isn’t all bad but in this case it’s not good.

Juniperberry55 · 08/10/2025 09:53

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 08/10/2025 09:18

Yes, live and let live.

I've re-read the OP. If you replace every mention of 'Christian' in the OP with 'Muslim', would that not be considered Islamophobic?

No it wouldn't be islamophobic. I've worked with Muslims who I would happily discuss their beliefs/traditions etc out of curiosity and they were happy to answer questions when I asked. There is a way to be polite about things, I've asked them about their Eid plans, they've asked me about Christmas etc

But if they started to push their beliefs down my throat and say I should be at home tending to a husband not working in the office I would be telling them to fuck off and keep their beliefs to themselves. I'm an atheist, I don't care if someone is Christian, Jewish or Muslim. But if they use their beliefs as a stick to hit me with every time I do something they think their faith disagrees with, then I would push back. It is a workplace not somewhere for them to preach.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 08/10/2025 09:51

She sounds lovely.

Bumblebee72 · 08/10/2025 09:51

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2025 09:34

Prediction - he’ll blame it on ‘The Fall’. All Eve’s fault for eating the apple.

But then a loving god wouldn't booby-trap a garden they had made you.

ruethewhirl · 08/10/2025 09:50

justinhawkinsnavalfluff · 08/10/2025 06:59

I agree it sounds very Jehovahs Witness to me. Either way his behaviour is completely inappropriate in the workplace.

I thought Jehovah's too. Really obnoxious to proselytise at work though. Someone needs to have a word.

QuickPeachPoet · 08/10/2025 09:49

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 08/10/2025 08:58

I like that you got some expert opinion! 😉

She is so down to Earth. Never shoves scripture down your throat and can 'read the room' as to if a 'God opinion' is needed or wanted.
This man sounds like somebody who has done an online course in Christianity and is now an 'expert'.

LoyalMember · 08/10/2025 09:48

My mum was a very keen member of The Church of Scotland, and my stepdad was a Church Elder there. They would've liked me to follow them, but they didn't push it. I wish more people were like that.

turkeyboots · 08/10/2025 09:47

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 07:24

Because we don’t really have a choice. He will sit and talk over it about how awful it is until we change it

So be brave and turn the radio off. Which is what I'd do if I was a manager in this situation.
Or just complain officially and get someone else to deal with it.

BirdShedRevisited · 08/10/2025 09:46

OodlesTheTalkingPoodle · 08/10/2025 07:08

He is literally harassing people.

This. It's a form of harassment. The fact that he thinks he is untouchable makes it 100 times worse!

Go through the proper channels. It's totally unacceptable.

NovaF · 08/10/2025 09:46

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 07:24

Because we don’t really have a choice. He will sit and talk over it about how awful it is until we change it

In most offices I have worked in there has been a vote on what people listen to and the majority rules. In one we had people pick 10 songs each.

what you are all doing is enabling him. Let him sit and talk over it, and let his manager deal with the lack of work he is doing. If he pipes up then tell him that is his opinion and you dont agree with it. He gives incel vibes. Go the HR, let them deal with him

AdoraBell · 08/10/2025 09:44

YANBU.

SleepySquirrel52 · 08/10/2025 09:44

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 07:34

I did actually speak up on something I feel quite passionate about and he looked at me like I’d grown three heads. As if he was the only one who could express an opinion!

Its likely because you're a women and the idea of you expressing any kind of opposing view/daring to contradict him is completely wrong. In his world women are there to serve his needs/do what he wants because he's a man so in charge and what he says goes i.e. the music, snacks, the activities you undertake in your private time. He has a career but you gals are just earning some pocket money waiting to be chosen by a man. That sounds like what's going on in his world, good luck influencing that!

Bet hed be straight to the manager if there were another outspoken member of another religion who was helpfully informing him that he was a sinner for going to church/not going to x other faith building/not doing religion right. But it's ok just saying what I believe....

Krakinou · 08/10/2025 09:43

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 06:54

I feel bad in some ways because obviously I worry it comes off like I’m against his religion (which I am personally, but would never express that to him). It’s just got to the point where it’s very uncomfortable and he seems to believe he’s above everyone w

Why not express it to him?

Him: Women should prioritize marriage over work.
You: You are not superior to me because of your genitalia. You are being offensive to all the women in this office. I think your religious beliefs are wrong and damaging to society. Please keep them to yourself.

MathiasBroucek · 08/10/2025 09:43

I'm a Christian and might well agree with him on this stuff but he's going about this in an unhelpful way. Jesus didn't behave in this aggressive way with ordinary people.

12345onceIcaughta · 08/10/2025 09:42

You all sound a bit wet. 39 people daren’t say anything, really?

Thenamechangecometh · 08/10/2025 09:42

This is a picture of part of my kindle homepage. If this kind of patriarchal, prosperity gospel, Billy Franklin fostered, women-squashing expression of religion is coming this way and attracting young men (because it appears to offer a backlash to feminism of the last 75 years and put them back on top) then we should be concerned and engaged:

Very religious colleague
CatchingtheCat · 08/10/2025 09:42

religious schools produce people exactly like this. Their beliefs become so normalised at home and at school that they have absolutely not idea how weird they come across in society. To them, the entire world is their enemy and the only goal is to convert non believers into thinking the same way they do, not realising they were effectively brainwashed from birth by their family and the school they chose to send them to.

You assume everyone outside religious schools lives in some sort of vacuum where there are no beliefs, norms or cultural expectations. We all have beliefs shaped by the society we grow up in. Things you condemn as weird are normal in other societies or periods of history. Not following a religion does not mean you have no beliefs, it means you have different beliefs and in twenty years time some of those beliefs might well be considered weird.

Toofficeornot · 08/10/2025 09:40

He sounds insufferable. I couldnt work with him and would be making a complaint.
I don't care what people beleive but only if they don't try and force others to listen or adhere to their rhetoric.
Complaint and get him out.

chipsticksmammy · 08/10/2025 09:39

My neice's catholic school seems to be putting her and her friends off religion for life!

AncoraAmarena · 08/10/2025 09:38

BubblePizza · 08/10/2025 08:02

It's funny how there was a thread last week about someone asking AIBU to send a child to religious school when they themselves are not religious. FWIW, religious schools produce people exactly like this. Their beliefs become so normalised at home and at school that they have absolutely not idea how weird they come across in society. To them, the entire world is their enemy and the only goal is to convert non believers into thinking the same way they do, not realising they were effectively brainwashed from birth by their family and the school they chose to send them to.

Tell me that you didn't go to a religious school without saying you didn't go to a religious school 🙄

godmum56 · 08/10/2025 09:38

ByQuirkyCat · 08/10/2025 09:27

This comment is coming from ignorance. I went to Catholic schools and they effectively put a lot of my schoolmates off Catholicism. I've noticed the same with baby boomers I know. It's rude to make out like we are all brainwashed.

This. I went to a High Church C of E school. I don't think that people were violently "put off" but I am sure we didn't all come out indoctrinated.....not sure that any of the folk I was at school with did.
OP take this through your nanager or HR. While this bloke is hanging his behaviour on religion its not actually about that, its about his behaviour at work. Whatever he is ranting about its not acceptable.

Mosaic123 · 08/10/2025 09:38

Just so you know, Jews don't encourage others to convert to Judaism. It's not part of our remit.

It is possible, but difficult, to convert to Judaism.