Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Very religious colleague

568 replies

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 06:46

I have a new colleague who is young, and very very religious. He isn’t quiet about his beliefs and in some ways I think that’s great, because he feels comfortable enough to be that way.

But in others it’s becoming quite uncomfortable. He will regularly ask people in the office what their opinion is on things like evolution, abortion and gay marriage. If they express a “non-Christian” belief he will laugh, tell them they’re wrong and explain what the bible says about these things. He won’t drop the subject even if people are visibly uncomfortable.

We listen to music in the office and he will object to almost anything that isn’t worship music. Someone played Sam Fender the other day (the consensus amongst the office was that it was a good playlist and we all enjoyed it), he asked for it to be changed because he doesn’t align with “Christian values”. So they switched on a different playlist, the first song was an Olivia Dean song and he started ranting about how she promotes sexual activity outside of marriage and that it’s wrong, women should be waiting until marriage etc.

He also expresses pretty strong views about women dating and it not being for marriage, that it’s “great” he has so many young female colleagues but he thinks we should be looking for marriage and to be a homemaker, etc etc.

I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to my manager quietly because his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
applespeck · 08/10/2025 11:12

AP3003 · 08/10/2025 10:45

Thanks for the very patronising message, but I simplified it for brevity. Given that this very much does not involve gender reassignment and is not focusing on the sex/gender debate, I’m not sure what your point is, or why that is the point you have chosen to hone in on.

Edited

Its because you have demonstrated a lack of understanding of the Equality Act, despite claiming to be an EDI manager. Unfortunately this is depressingly common amongst EDI managers who chose to listen to lobby groups on LGBTI issues rather than understand the law. This massive failure of professionalism and grasp of area of expertise does undermine such people.

And saying ' freedom of speech does not mean freedom of consequence' is one of the most stupid slogans ever invented. Clearly freedom of speech DOES mean freedom of consequence. Presumably you think Russian dissidents have freedom of speech in Russia, its just that that are not free of the consequence of being murdered by Putin's operatives.

Sunshineandoranges · 08/10/2025 11:11

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 06:54

I feel bad in some ways because obviously I worry it comes off like I’m against his religion (which I am personally, but would never express that to him). It’s just got to the point where it’s very uncomfortable and he seems to believe he’s above everyone w

The extremes of all religions are intolerant and often cruel. Tell your manager.

DoNotIron · 08/10/2025 11:10

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:43

And all the same people who are complaining about him here will likely be saying he should be compelled to wear a pro LGBTQ badge in work, if its company policy. The double standards are sickening.
If he has to be tolerant of ungodly world views then you ought to be tolerant of him. It works both ways.

This is a completely ridiculous assumption. Why would you think this? I am an atheist. My son is gay. I wouldn't wear such a badge and I certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to unless it was their choice. I somehow manage to keep my atheism to myself everywhere I go. The only time I have ever told anyone I am an atheist is when I have been asked outright - always by someone religious. Why can't this particular Christian keep his opinions to himself? I am friends with plenty of Christians and we muddle along nicely without resorting to baiting each other into philosophical and religious debates. Sometimes I have to keep my trap shut to keep the peace. I am sure they do too. That's how tolerance works.

theDudesmummy · 08/10/2025 11:09

And no, I would not wear a "LBTQ+" badge at work, and would not work in a place where this was required.

theDudesmummy · 08/10/2025 11:08

@Calmomiletea you are protected by law in the UK for holding that opinion about the bible, and not being discriminated against for it, whatever I may think of it. I have no problem with that. You can also tell freely others that you believe something different from what they believe, which you have just done here. This man however does not have the right, in the workplace, to express misogynistic and homophobic opinions to his workmates, whatever those opinions are based on (in this case, religious beliefs). Totally different thing.

Uricon2 · 08/10/2025 11:05

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:43

And all the same people who are complaining about him here will likely be saying he should be compelled to wear a pro LGBTQ badge in work, if its company policy. The double standards are sickening.
If he has to be tolerant of ungodly world views then you ought to be tolerant of him. It works both ways.

Something tells me that if he were a member of any religion other than the one you believe in, you would be rather less vocal in advocating tolerance of him.

OP, it's a workplace, his behaviour is not OK. Hopefully your manager will do something but otherwise would suggest you and yur colleagues refuse to engage in any conversation with him about these subjects.

Charminggoldfinch · 08/10/2025 11:04

Respect goes both ways. You and the rest of the office is entitled to be respected at work and express themselves as much as he is. His religious beliefs does not give him free rein to make unsolicited comments on others beliefs, interests or the way you live your lives. Report him to HR straightaway and be specific about incidents and what he said/ did.

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 11:03

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:43

And all the same people who are complaining about him here will likely be saying he should be compelled to wear a pro LGBTQ badge in work, if its company policy. The double standards are sickening.
If he has to be tolerant of ungodly world views then you ought to be tolerant of him. It works both ways.

Nope. I don’t think that’s right either. I think workplaces should be as free of politics as possible.

OP posts:
Puzzledtoday · 08/10/2025 11:01

He sounds a complete pain to be with. I suspect he’s been subjected to an element of brainwashing by a religious group to be so unreasonable. Not sure what you can do except perhaps suggest he wears earplugs if the playlist doesn’t suit him, and take it in turns to choose the music. Or consult HR but it’s tricky because he mustn’t be bullied for his beliefs.

chaosmaker · 08/10/2025 10:58

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:48

It wasn't written by men. It was written by God. How else do you explain the knowledge contained in it that authors at that time would have had no clue about (like the earth being a sphere, for example), also the hundreds of historical facts stated in Scripture that predates archaeological finds (go do a tour of the British museum and read the book 'the Bible and the British museum as you go'.

How about you do some research yourself before commenting when you have been brainwashed to believe a lie.

You are free to believe what you want. I'm not going to believe a book was written by something I don't believe in - obviously.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2025 10:54

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:43

And all the same people who are complaining about him here will likely be saying he should be compelled to wear a pro LGBTQ badge in work, if its company policy. The double standards are sickening.
If he has to be tolerant of ungodly world views then you ought to be tolerant of him. It works both ways.

There’s zero evidence of that sort of double standards in anything the OP had written.

Some posters have pointed out workplaces should avoid political positions including the ‘pro LGBQT’ type of thing.

I, and I suspect many other posters on this thread, would be against any sort of compulsion to wear badges of any group which infringes the rights of other protected characteristics.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 08/10/2025 10:54

Under the Equality Act he has the right to his religious belief. But under the Act the rest of you also have the right to hold different religious beliefs (or none) and not be constantly harangued for doing so.

This needs an HR complaint. The words to use are 'harrasment' and 'objectionable manifestation of belief'.

AP3003 · 08/10/2025 10:54

CatchingtheCat · 08/10/2025 10:50

Don’t be disingenuous. You completely misrepresented the Equality Act as I suspect you do in your job every day.

Are you an expert on the equality act, as I haven’t seen a comment from you about it, other than to pick an argument about sex and gender? Perhaps you could advise her rather than picking a pointless argument. I am very confident in my understanding and application of the EA. The OP can choose whether to take my advice or not. Have a good day!!

ApplebyArrows · 08/10/2025 10:53

By conservative evangelical standards, this is extreme.

CatchingtheCat · 08/10/2025 10:50

AP3003 · 08/10/2025 10:45

Thanks for the very patronising message, but I simplified it for brevity. Given that this very much does not involve gender reassignment and is not focusing on the sex/gender debate, I’m not sure what your point is, or why that is the point you have chosen to hone in on.

Edited

Don’t be disingenuous. You completely misrepresented the Equality Act as I suspect you do in your job every day.

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:48

chaosmaker · 08/10/2025 10:43

@ThatLadyLady can't you just change the subject every time he pipes up or say that the bible was written by men? He needs challenging as that is the only way he'll ever learn new beliefs.

It wasn't written by men. It was written by God. How else do you explain the knowledge contained in it that authors at that time would have had no clue about (like the earth being a sphere, for example), also the hundreds of historical facts stated in Scripture that predates archaeological finds (go do a tour of the British museum and read the book 'the Bible and the British museum as you go'.

How about you do some research yourself before commenting when you have been brainwashed to believe a lie.

TakeMeToKernow · 08/10/2025 10:48

Fucking hell. This misogynistic bullshit has no place in society, let alone the workplace. I’m a manger and wouldn’t hesitate to face into this. I have let a team member go for less than this. My workplace has a set of values and the behaviour described is a million miles from our values. This chap at the very least needs significant diversity and inclusivity training.

TheTecknician · 08/10/2025 10:46

This self-righteous prat sounds insufferable. He needs to be instructed just once to wind his neck in and keep his archaic opinions to himself. His conduct isn't acceptable.

AP3003 · 08/10/2025 10:45

Thanks for the very patronising message, but I simplified it for brevity. Given that this very much does not involve gender reassignment and is not focusing on the sex/gender debate, I’m not sure what your point is, or why that is the point you have chosen to hone in on.

Calmomiletea · 08/10/2025 10:43

And all the same people who are complaining about him here will likely be saying he should be compelled to wear a pro LGBTQ badge in work, if its company policy. The double standards are sickening.
If he has to be tolerant of ungodly world views then you ought to be tolerant of him. It works both ways.

chaosmaker · 08/10/2025 10:43

@ThatLadyLady can't you just change the subject every time he pipes up or say that the bible was written by men? He needs challenging as that is the only way he'll ever learn new beliefs.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 08/10/2025 10:43

Noshowlomo · 08/10/2025 10:25

No one has had a word or attempted to shut him down yet because he’s a man. Fuck this shit! Write an email to your manager with everything you’ve listed, say he’s making the women very uncomfortable and he’s asking for opinions just for a disagreement or he can air his views. No one ever attempts this with him and you all appreciate you’ve got different views and opinions except this man.
Hes young and needs to learn now this isn’t going to be acceptable

Surely some of the other people in the office are also men? I don’t accept that being a man is enough on its own to subdue an entire office, even if the other 39 are women.

An office of 40 people is quite large. Too large , I’d have thought, for one person to preach to everyone else, unless they actually stand on a soapbox. Too large for everyone to be listening to one radio?

And the OP imagines he’s the sort of person to cry prejudice if anyone objects to his comments - but no one can say for sure how other people will react. Does everyone think the same, and how would the OP know? Does everyone talk to everyone else all the time? Does anyone ever get any work done?

As I say, there’s something very off about this post.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 08/10/2025 10:41

ThatLadyLady · 08/10/2025 09:20

I don’t think so? I’ve not got an issue with him having those beliefs. It’s always talking about them.

You don’t sound unreasonable at all.

What I would do: keep a bit of a diary these next two weeks. Note down whenever he makes these comments that make you uncomfortable (comment, date and time).

when you feel that you have enough (I’d say about 3 incidents) write a short email to your manager telling her that you have something you would like to discuss.

CatchingtheCat · 08/10/2025 10:39

AP3003 · 08/10/2025 10:34

I am an EDI manager, so wanted to throw my 2p in.

He is absolutely entitled to hold his views and not experience discrimination for them (under the Equality Act). However, so are other groups. The comments you have mentioned infringe on the rights of women and LGBTQ people (also protected under the Equality Act). He has a right to freedom of speech, but not freedom from consequence, and this does not top trump professional behaviours. He has a right to bring his whole self to work, for example, by stating that he is a Christian, or when asked about his weekend, to say that he went to church. That doesn’t include evangelising.

in my view, his behaviour can be considered as bullying and harassment (the harassment being against women and LGBTQ people). I would also look into any policies on political activity at work, as abortion and gay marriage are very much political.

i hope that helps you to frame a conversation with HR, which you absokutely should do. I imagine they may feel a bit uncomfortable due to the religious discrimination aspect, so pointing these points out may demonstrate that they need, and have a responsibility to intervene.

As an EDI manager you should be absolutely aware that “LGBTQ” is not a protected characteristic. Sexuality (including heterosexuality) and gender reassignment are protected characteristics and ones that can at times conflict.

The fact you seem unaware of this undermines the credibility of the rest of your post.

AuDHDacious · 08/10/2025 10:37

I would choose a phrase to say eg ‘please stop talking to me; you’re distracting me from my work’, or ‘that’s not an okay topic in the workplace’.

EVERY TIME!

After numerous times, if he continues, perhaps add ‘if you don’t stop, I will have no choice but to make a complaint to management.

Also, noise cancelling ear buds or ear plugs to help ‘mute’ him, or listen to music.

Swipe left for the next trending thread