Not to put " flee money" towards house

56 replies

YourMerryNavyDreamer · 08/10/2025 00:05

In two minds on this

Been married 15yrs with children and not once has husband been violent. However he has been incredibly belittling and bullying on occasions with shouting. Only about 4 times over 15yrs. Because of this I've spent the years putting about £50 per month into a separate account. I now have enough for 6 months rent.

My intention is only to use it if I ever need to flee. However we are house hunting and if I put the savings into the house fund we would need a lower mortgage/ could potentially aim for a cheeky offer on one's we can't afford otherwise

I don't know what to do. On the one hand it benefits all of us but I can't shake the feeling I should have something as a safety net " just in case"

OP posts:

TrousersOfTime · 08/10/2025 00:13

Risk of domestic abuse or escalation of abuse increases during stressful life events (like moving home). The overall risk might still be fairly small, but if you've felt the need of a flee fund all this time, now is probably not the best time to ditch it.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2025 00:12

Does your husband know you’ve got this account?

LondonGirrrrl · 08/10/2025 00:11

Keep the cash if you suspect you might need it to get away.

Vaxtable · 08/10/2025 00:11

I would keep the savings, there is nothing to say he won’t turn again

Crushed23 · 08/10/2025 00:09

I’d hold the savings back. It’s not unknown for abuse to escalate over a longer period of time. I’d also be worried that I had need for a flee fund. Do you feel safe around him or like you’re walking on eggshells? Might be best to try and work through his anger issues in the here and now (though I’m not convinced a leopard can change their spots and consider anger a major red flag, personally) than wait until he hits you.

AltitudeCheck · 08/10/2025 00:07

It's never a bad idea to have enough put aside to support yourself in case you ever need it.

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