AIBU to think the charity shop could have given my neurodivergent child a chance

I know. I responded to the comment about Tesco adding detail if it would be helpful to anyone.

i then made a new paragraph which was clearly specific to the OP situation.

Does it matter though?

And also horribly ageist.

It;'s not a sweeping generalisation, it's a load of bollocks.

I’m not the original poster. I was giving an example of an inclusive employer.

Typical MN smug comment. Well done 👏👏👏

@Fairydusthello , I am sorry that your child has been treated like this. I retired 3 years ago, but I was the owner of a restaurant (now sold) in Canada. I worked at the restaurant for a year before buying it (I knew the owners were about to retire, so I wanted to feel it out so to speak before making a decision if I was going to offer on it. Long story short, I bought it, but there was one man in the dish pit.. he cleaned out the fireplace every morning, cleaned all the toilets, did all the morning prep dishes, portioned foods. He was vile. I could not stand him. He was also autistic as is his wife. When I bought the restaurant, I was not going to take him on. My morning prep chef, told me it would be a big mistake. I took him on. I gave him a key as he had been there for over 20 years and had to wait outside every morning for someone else to arrive. I gave him a key to the large bins outside, as he was constantly moaning about the night guys taking hte keys home by accident. Told him he could come in early if he wanted to get a head start. He turned into my fav person in that restaurant. He just wanted respect!!! I gave it to him. Hired his very ND wife for 2 mornings a week to roll silverware and merge ketchup and portion food. when i sold.. they promised they would keep him. they lied. BUT even though I live in a different country now, as soon as I found out, I called another restaurant owner who i considered a friend.. "matty" now works for him as chief dishwasher/ all around helper for the last 2 years. I hope your child finds her "fit"

Don't let her get disheartened. She should keep on applying to different volunteering positions. Tell her to think of any unsuccessful interview or application as good practice. And reassure her that hardly anyone gets the first job/volunteer position they apply for.

Could you practice interview technique with her?

It's really really tough out there for youngsters, NT as well as ND. I know plenty of people desperately looking for any work, doing background research, making sure they look well turned out for the interview etc etc, and they just never hear anything again.

@Fairydusthellowhere are you based? Feel free to inbox me - could perhaps help

I guess all this will depend on whether you live in in area with a high number of retirees with great cvs and an interest in helping the community. Ny ND dd has had some success applying to a couple of charity shops in the area that specifically wanted backroom people to sort, steam and tag. This kind of work probably doesn't attract the retirees who tend to prefer customer facing roles. I hope your dd finds something OP as I know what a dispiriting grind jobseeking can be for a keen ND dc.

They should have contacted her to say that she was not successful - and perhaps to offer feedback if she wanted it. But I don't think they've done anything else wrong. Charity shops have a lot of applicants with additional needs of one sort or another. I know that my son's mental health support team viewed charity shops as a 'go to' place when helping him to seek a role that might have helped him. They probably get pretty inundated.

I'm guessing that even a big charity has limited capacity to respond to all of the people with additional needs who may seek to volunteer with them.

No - I think both points here could be true. The manager could still be following internal safeguarding and still asking if your DD felt okay being left. Both are correct to do. Put it another way, if a manager only followed the book, and didn't ask if they felt okay being left, but it then turned out they were uncomfortable, something happened - would the manager have been sufficiently thorough. Nope.

I think on the one hand - don't take this too personally, there could be staffing reasons, someone could be off long term sick, etc. Job hunting is always a numbers game, even for volunteer positions.

It may be somewhat easier looking at charities with obvious fit - Scope for disabilities for example. Or just trying more and finding a good fit.

On the other hand - I think contacting the Head Office of the charity is also a good idea - you've not had any feedback and that doesn't reflect well. You also aren't clear what they do to support neurodivergent young people to volunteer - that's important fedback given the state of youth employment. I'm disappointed to hear PPs experience of Barnardo's - that's not like them and hopefully a one off but still poor. Do give them feedback - I used to work at national charities and genuinely feedback (although not always responded to straight away) is collected and reflected on and does inform policies and changes.

I think the distinction between suitable for everyone and available to everyone is too pedantic for every day use. Just say you have volunteer positions, state the criteria and make clear not everyone who applies will be eligible - as it's tough out there etc etc

Yes so don't say in the advert that you have a 'role for everyone' . On the flip side I work ( paid work) for a charity/club that provides services to severely disabled children. I am always asked if there are volunteer roles available, however due to the nature of the work it's not often appropriate to use volunteer work and 99.999 % of staff are paid staff. However we do not advertise that we are looking for volunteers and all job adverts state what is needed/expected. We absolutely do not say we can offer a 'role to everyone' because we can't . I had not really realised that getting a volunteer post now is as tough as getting a job !

No-one wants to hear negative feedback, although it is part of working life. Could she be persuaded to try a slightly different approach? When DS (also ND) didn't hear back after an interview, I helped him draft an email basically saying "I came for an interview last week but haven't heard back yet. I was wondering if and when you would like me to start?" They emailed back with a start date!

Having a role for everyone, doesn't mean that they can take everyone who applies though!

They might well have a role that's suitable for everyone, but that doesn't mean that they can take everyone.

I'm a trustee for a charity that is extremely keen to have volunteers, employees and trustees from the demographic that we exist to support. Our policy is always to offer an interview to anyone from that group who applies.
However, that does not mean that they will necessarily get that role, unless they are the best candidate, or it's neck and neck and being from that demographic then swings it. So they are given a leg up at the point of application, but they still need to be the best fit.

We learned the hard way that trying to help someone by giving them a job that they're not actually the best person for, can be disastrous. For them as well as us. We basically caused someone already vulnerable, to fail. Which is the last thing they needed.

Your take on this is very simplistic. 'She didn't get the job, so that means they don't support disabled people'. I suspect that really isn't the case

They are and when they call you pre interview to check the right to work they ask if you need any adjustments do interview. For me this means I ask for the questions in advance and ask that my autism is considered during interview process. This means I have time to prepare examples and not get flustered but also a good interviewer will make an allowance for ‘differences’ in communication. It’s a high masking situation to be fair and bloody exhaustion.

i would say though, perhaps the reason she didn’t get the job is simply that someone else did. The fact they advertise being inclusive doesn’t mean you get the job, it just means they don’t discount you from the off. They will still choose the best candidate. I think this is just a life lesson in ‘oh well, maybe next time’ - you seem to be throwing a lot of blame at the charity for not giving her the job based on inclusion and that’s not good for her to hear tbh, she needs to know that someone else just fit better this time around. It’s not the big thing you have made it sound like. It’s just life when going for jobs. Tough world but better she hears you calming things with a better luck next time attitude than anger at the employer as this will serve her not good to blame others for a simple ‘someone else was better on the day’ situation

As a charity Trustee I have obligations that all recruitment, paid and unpaid, is fair and above board. Which sadly means not be able able to offer positions in cases like this, if there is a better applicant. Ask for work experience for a limited period instead?

That sounds hard. In future though it might be worth doing a few applications at once to up her chances- that goes for anyone looking for jobs as putting all your eggs in one basket is stressful. If a shop is struggling for volunteers it might be that they don't have enough of a team in place to support your daughter at the moment.

My ds is not neurodiverse just shy but he had a bad experience when attempting to volunteer for Oxfam. Their adverts for how much they ‘want’ volunteers do not match the reality. If the process is so competitive and picky they should stop their current mode of advertising. I was quite taken aback as charity shops were not like that when I was young. The adverts are still out there claiming they can find a role for anyone ! And he has volunteered and worked already so not a complete beginner - as if that should matter ! I also think references should only be taken up when a role is offered or close to being offered. They are time wasters.

There is no excuse for them not getting back to your daughter but just to put the other side of the picture “employing” a volunteer can bring lots of challenges.
I’m going to have to keep this ridiculously vague as the actual situation is very niche.
I work with a team, council run activities, that due to it’s nature would be popular with many volunteers including those with a neuro diversity, Downs Syndrome or a wheelchair user and on the face of it there should be no barrier to these people being able to volunteer but they have to say no to many potential volunteers as it’s actually easier to run without them. They do in fact get approached by a lot of support organisations trying to find placements for their clients.
Sounds crazy right but the reality is that ideally there should be 2 paid staff running each activity but due to cost saving staff cuts there is only 1 paid staff running each activity. One person can deliver the activity and focus on the needs of the clients but they have no spare capacity to basic train or manage a volunteer who needs some support themselves, also the volunteer must be available at certain times for the activities otherwise there is no point in having them. So the team do have some volunteers who undergo full training and who are able to carry the same responsibility as a 2nd paid member of staff would. The team leader is a lovely person who would love to offer more volunteering opportunities but it’s just not achievable with the current staffing levels. They are also expected to provide student placements, council commitment, and making that work takes every minute of any spare paid staff time there is.

Honestly OP, I think your overthinking this. Young people apply for jobs/volunteer roles every day, and aren't successful. You seem to have assumed that there was one role with your daughter the only applicant, and that they've not taken her on purely because of her disability.

When my DD dropped out of uni, she sat at the computer and applied for dozens of random jobs while she considered her next move. She didn't hear back at all from most of them, and didn't get as far as an interview. No-one can just walk into a job at that age.