Housework while on maternity leave

I think you are lazy and should be doing more. It is not an achievement to do a load of washing or empty the fridge for a food delivery, these are basic things. You need to put baby down more often otherwise you will end up with her glued to you for the few years and you need to stop blaming her for you laziness.

She's not lazy at all, I can't believe some of these replies

Can't get over the arsehole cat 😂

There's a reason it's not called "maid" leave. Your job is to recover from childbirth and care for your baby. Everything else needs to be managed as best as possible between the two of you but realistically the house is unlikely to be sparkling when you have a baby.

It’s super hard to do anything with a clingy baby! I remember having all these grand plans before I had one about how I would have the house spotless, do ironing etc when in reality baby wants to be held constantly and you are usually super sleep deprived too!
Sometimes baby might be happy in a bouncer for a little bit and you manage to get something done but usually only ten mins or so!

I think it’s really sad he resents you having a nice time on maternity leave. My husband was always super pleased when I was happy having a coffee with friends or at a nice group because it can be really tough, really lonely and a big adjustment to your life. He knew
if I was able to do something I would do it. He was more telling me to sit down and chill when I had the chance!
I’m not sure how you change the attitude though. I would have been really hurt.

@Procrastinatrixx could you articulate what spare time he has? Between work, commute and the chores he does pick up?

We have not blocked anything out - people are pointing out that having a baby is life changing for both parents and this tit for tat attitude will damage the marriage.

What do you think will happen if they have another baby?

Are you the poster who wanted DP to rehome his cats because your Rottweiler doesn’t like cats?

@Olderbutneverwiser

Have you ever asked your husband / partner how work is going? What his days are like? Is he under pressure etc?

I had three babies under 3 and I still managed the housework during Mat leave. You sound very specific about the token jobs you do, sounds like you could be doing a lot more. It’s wonderful you are so very attentive to your child but you’re not doing your baby any favours by not putting her down at all.

You have my sympathy.

It's really hard to do anything with a baby that doesn't like being put down. Add sleep deprivation on top of that and of course you won't be getting anything done other than the bare essentials. Going out is different as babies can be a bit easier with more distractions.

Unfortunately your partner is probably pretty tired as well with work and chores. They probably need a day or two alone with the baby to understand when they are not trying to prove anything.

So an argument is normal, but you both need to agree how you will approach arguing next time so it doesn't get nasty. As that's the damaging bit.

She is looking after her baby - she doesn’t have any spare time, especially if baby won’t tolerate a sling or go down for naps.

Honestly some of the posters on this thread are either clueless about the first year or they’ve blocked it out.

Solidarity OP from this currently nap trapped Mum.

Some practical ideas....
Put baby in a sling and try and get a bit more done each day.
Meal plan for the week ahead and write it on a fridge board.
Leave baby with other half for the day and see what gets done.
Discuss back to work plans. If FT get a cleaner if you can.

I didnt get much done in early part of mat leave, husband never complained, he understood I was knackered/struggling and just got on with it. It's a short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

It got better as time went on and I got baby napping in cot for a couple of hours pm.

I mean this nicely, but you are in the wrong here. I've had two kids. My first had colic, didn't sleep, screamed constantly and didn't like lying down. It almost broke me. The second was an easy textbook baby. Both times I managed to clean my house, do the washing etc. The babies are not glued to you all and even when they are, you find a way to get it done. Your husband is working so I don't see why he should do it. Take it in turns to cook, yes, but you should be managing to keep the house in order.

He doesn't have time to walk the dog! He's working until 7pm. Doing 60% of housework and cooking tea part of the week.

When does he have time for a dog walk?

You have around 10 hours a day spare from 9ish until 7ish while he's working. You may visit friends and family for a few hours each day but surely that still leaves 5, 6 or 7 hours a day??

This is why shared parental leave is great if you can make it work. Both partners get to experience both sides. It worked so well for us and personally I think it’s made us better parents for it. As in we personally feel like we are better parents than we would have been if one of us was the primary care giver in our situation, not that people who don’t do this are shit parents!!

Get a wrap or a sling and wear your baby so you have 2 hands free to get on with everything else is the answer

"my dog", "his cats", "my baby"...

... are either of you actually happy in this relationship?

How on earth do you get away with only using dishwasher every few days? 3 of us in the house and I wanted to get 2 installed as they are always on. Even basic toast for breakfast cereal for baby spoons cups glasses it’s not at least once a day

It is usual to grate on each other a bit with a new baby.

Could you both try to save up all your complaints/requests for each other until the weekend, when you're both not working, and then see which ones still seem important.

A large part of the issue is, I suspect, that you are both carping at each other and you especially feel undermined and defensive about it. Tbh it undermines the benefit of having him around.

I did absolutely everything for our first baby as DH was never around (workaholic doing 20 hour days). If I didn't do it, it didn't get done. And tbh it was probably a lot more relaxing than having someone around on my case stressing me out the whole time.

Don’t bet on that! The mother is always the default parent to be rung when child is ill and needs picking up early, or is too sick for childcare/school and needs someone to stay at home or go to appointments.