Housework while on maternity leave

I’m convinced that we’re reading a different thread to everyone else @AbbeyGrange- Sure, the comment about his age wasn't nice, but it seems like he constantly picks at her and gaslights her, and she must have just reached her breaking point. No matter what she does, she can't win. I'd feel the same way if my partner treated me like that!

Well feeding yourself and your family is pretty non negotiable I suppose, everyone has to eat.
My house was never show house ready but it was clean and tidy and laundry was done and I had 3 under 5.
I don’t het why you don’t cook when you are there all day, how hard is it to throw something in the slow cooker or even the airfryer? He comes home from work, you go and walk the dog for an hour and then when you get back you both have a discussion on who will cook dinner. That’s just ridiculous.

Omg I can manage housework there's sometimes a day or two when I dont! All other days i do!! He made dinner last night, first time in a week and claimed i do nothing and when I do its a rarity

I honestly did next to nothing housework wise on maternity. I was off for 6 months and breastfed. I went out for days out pretty much every day with the baby, then when I was home the baby only napped on me, and I also breastfed so in the early days evenings were full of cluster feeding. I also did all the night wakings as I breastfed.
As I was out of the house and the baby was young the house didn't get into a state so it was just usual cleaning which my partner took the lead on. I don't cook so he did the shopping and cooking too.
The next 5 months my partner was off looking after the baby. The baby could nap in a cot and wasn't waking up in the night so he had more time so he probably took the lead in cleaning then too!
Not saying this is the way to do it, but if you ever think you're not doing enough housework be reassured that I definitely did less.

I do the cooking on those days. He doesn't view that as household. Im shocked at all the lazy replies. My day is pretty constant with baby, even when out, she just doesn't nap.

I’ve read through all your responses, and honestly, I don’t think your partner sounds very nice. One minute he encourages you to attend numerous baby groups, and the next he criticises you for being out all day. The same goes for the discussions about money and pets. He needs to make up his mind. I agree with another poster that it sounds like power play. Might even be a form of emotional manipulation. I felt quite sad when you mentioned that you felt unable to sit down for a coffee without having to justify yourself. I don’t have specific advice to offer, but I don’t think you’re lazy, OP. Please remember to take care of yourself and your baby x

I do the cooking on those days. He doesn't view that as household. Im shocked at all the lazy replies. My day is pretty constant with baby, even when out, she just doesn't nap.

What a horrible comment and way to speak to this person! If you don’t have anything nice or at least constructive to say then you don’t have to say anything you know.

OP so many of the comments here are incredibly harsh. I’m on Mat leave myself and I completely see where you are coming from! It’s so hard to get anything done when you are looking after your baby 24/7. My baby will only nap in the crib for short time and I might get a small job done then but often I take the chance to rest myself as I’m up throughout the night with him. Going for a coffee with some mum friends is absolutely needed to keep you sane and taking the baby to the various classes is work and good for their development. My husband has picked up a large chunk of the household tasks while I’ve been off, he also enjoys cooking and makes the dinners most of the time. He doesn’t complain he just accepts that is something he can do and he enjoys doing the cooking, which is fortunate. At some point your baby will be at nursery or in childcare and no doubt the balance will even out somewhat at home but for now you are taking more of the weight of childcare and he is taking more weight of the household and I think that’s perfectly reasonable. Does he ever have large chunks of time with the baby on his own? Not sure if you’re breastfeeding or how feasible this would be but perhaps he should have the baby for a full day sometime and he will see what the day is like from your side. That said communication is key and you need to be a team so perhaps you can sit down, listen to his side and have a calmer chat and talk through some solutions that allow you both to get a chance to relax. The only thing I have to disagree on is your attitude to the cats 😆 I am a cat person!

Hello

I am struggling with the housework split whilst on maternity leave. Don't get me wrong my partner is great and does his fair share. He has always asked one thing of me, do one thing each day and he will do the bigger stuff. Some days I dont do anything but other days I'll do lots: ie fill dishwasher, empty dishwasher, put washing on, hang up/out clothes, put baby clothes away, tidy nursery, make dinners etc.). He even comments that "mummy has done lots today" and when I say to him "I feel bad i haven't done much today" he will say "yes you have, you're looking after our daughter". Although he is now saying he has only said this once (he says it most weeks).

I also go to 3 baby groups during the week, I meet with other mums and socialise (usually once/twice per week) and I visit my parents (1 hr away) - all with baby.

For dinners, we take turns who makes it. I sometimes make dinner in advance in slow cooker - curry, bolognaise, etc. Sometimes once per week. After he finishes work, I tend to work my dog for an hr, get home and then we decide who will cook dinner.

Badically what I'm getting at is, dinner is never planned out. Although partner works from home, he can be finished his work anywhere between 530-7.

Saturday after baby swim lesson, partner took himself away for 1.5 hours, didn't say anything and cleaned the whole kitchen while I looked after our baby. Yesterday when he finished work I heard him cooking dinner. He gave me dinner and whilst we were eating i noticied a spider on my little girl and i jumped (i have a fear). He got up annoyed and flicked it off telling me I could have done that. I said I would have I didn't ask him to do anything. He then starts saying I do nothing all day, I do no housework and when I do it's a rarity. He also kept saying "if I didn't make dinner who knows when we would have eaten" ive told him we need to agree a time for dinner and it isn't my.job which he agreed. I was confused as dinner is never planned out, he was acting like he always makes dinner which he doesn't. He then said all I do is swon around on maternity leave meeting friends for cake and coffee and hes the one working and "carrying us all".

It did piss me off. When I pointed out that I do make more dinners than him and then he said that dinners arent housework and so its invalid when I'm trying to make my point. I said to him entertaining a baby who doesn't like lying down, who is trying to grab everything and who is teething is hard work. I also said im tired after he finishes work as i then walk my dog fir an hr and he could do it sometmes. He said it was my choice to own a dog and he doesnt trust other dogs and so he doesnt want to walk her as he will find it stressful. He also said its my choice to own a dog (he has two cats i have a dog, these are pets from before we met). I may have called his cat an arsehole after that as he is on medication and I do my fair share, on my partners instruction of making sure he eats his medication and not letting the other cat eat it. This arsehole cat doesn't want to eat sometimes and so we follow him around for ages to eat and then we need to supervise both cats so the other doesn't eat it. Do I want to do that? No. I dont like cats but I dont bloody refuse.

Out of spite I've now contacted nurseries for a full time place as I dont want to accused of doing nothing if i were to reduce my hours as we had thought about reducing my hoursto keep nursery costs down but why should I to he moaned at. I have felt sad today as I feel I'm spiting my little girl by doing that when all I want to do is spend time with her. Im so angry. I called him a washed up 50 year old (there's an age gap!) And feel awful but he turned so nasty. Apparently I do nothing and the spider was the straw that broke the camels back. He's apologised but only for reacting.

Im glad I typed that all out. Feeling sad and a bit teary. Happy to be told if I'm being unreasonable as I can get emotional and very defensive when I'm criticised and this can cloud my judgement.

Who's in the wrong
Also, what did housework/pets look like for you on maternity leave?

I dont take back the cat arsehole comment, the cat is an asshole.

I think you are being lazy and taking the p. You need to get rid of your dog and the cats as you can barely cope with your baby and light household stuff. You need to get a grip and do more house work to have a balanced relationship.

Sounds like you are the one name calling, that was pretty unpleasant to take the piss out of his age. You’re the one who just pumped out a baby with him.

Why do people who can't stand living with other people enter into relationships with other people?

I feel silly saying that now but the cat does annoy me at times lol

She is looking after her baby - she doesn’t have any spare time, especially if baby won’t tolerate a sling or go down for naps.

Honestly some of the posters on this thread are either clueless about the first year or they’ve blocked it out.

Solidarity OP from this currently nap trapped Mum.