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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

259 replies

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:40

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

OP posts:
HeyWhaychaDoin · 07/10/2025 14:45

pottylolly · 07/10/2025 14:35

If you only want yes or no answers then no. But I should point out here that my sister’s husband took their eldest alone on an extended family holiday from our side because he loves her and his kids. Your husband being unwilling to do that for you makes me question what else he’s not doing for you.

He's not said he's unwilling?
To address a few:
it’s my family’s event (my side of the family) and it would be more appropriate for me to go.
no, I can’t take the newborn at all

It's op who says it wouldn't be appropriate for him to take the ds to the party, or for the baby to go to the party at all (with all the other family children).

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/10/2025 14:43

TotallyUnapologeticOmnivore · 07/10/2025 14:28

Maybe the event includes one of those high-maintenance relatives who 'can't be around newborns because it's triggering, blah blah blah'.

Show quote history

Appears to be the case! Very strange.

Tdcp · 07/10/2025 14:43

It's not unreasonable for you to plan to go but I would be fully prepared to drop out in case you don't want to leave the baby, have a difficult birth or any such reason. If you can go and want to go you're not being unreasonable just keep your options open.

Lidlisthebusiness · 07/10/2025 14:41

For me personally, it would be an absolute no. Baby will be so, so little and will be needing you nearby. I agree with a PP that they need Mama only at that point. Feeding wont be fully established, you may not be able to pump, you'll still be bleeding....it just sounds awful.

AgentPidge · 07/10/2025 14:39

CJones11 · 07/10/2025 14:09

Personally, I would go as a family. Baby wear so the baby is close to you/your husband. And leave if it is too much 🤷‍♀️

Yeah me too. You won't be worried about leaving him/her. You'll have lots of help, someone will hold the baby for you while you eat, rest, etc and your family can meet the baby. Then you can relax knowing that you can leave when you like.

Digdongdoo · 07/10/2025 14:39

I wouldn't, but you could I suppose. But don't promise DS anything as you don't know how you will be feeling by then.

I can't fathom though why an activity would be suitable for a postpartum mother but certainly not a baby, and DS can't possibly go with anyone else. Very odd.

Slothey · 07/10/2025 14:36

I had an immensely visceral need to be with my babies when they were tiny. I can’t imagine overriding that. But if you don’t, fair play.

LooseCanyon · 07/10/2025 14:36

Why do you have to commit now? See how it is on the day. Your baby might not take to the bottle, or you might be feeling awful, or there might be medical issues, or whatever.

pottylolly · 07/10/2025 14:35

If you only want yes or no answers then no. But I should point out here that my sister’s husband took their eldest alone on an extended family holiday from our side because he loves her and his kids. Your husband being unwilling to do that for you makes me question what else he’s not doing for you.

Toofficeornot · 07/10/2025 14:35

I think you will just have to see after the baby is here. I wasn't oyt of hospital for three weeks after both my children. But i know people who popped their kids out and were walking about doing normal stuff the next day.

ACR7 · 07/10/2025 14:34

You can plan to go but if it turns out you’re not up to it or don’t feel like it near the time people would understand. No issue baby having day with dad. I went out for the day to see a matinee with my mam about 6 weeks after my daughter was born. I really enjoyed myself and she had was fine with her dad.

Jellybunny56 · 07/10/2025 14:31

Yeah I think it’s unreasonable & unrealistic to leave a newborn all day.

Original poster
honeymelina · 07/10/2025 14:30

@NerrSnerr I’m sticking to the topic of the question, whether I can go given the arrangements suggested (just me and DS). The questions about why the arrangements are what they are, are just from curiosity and distract. I need answers on the main topic and not to fuel irrelevant discussion. But I did find the conspiracy theory funny so commented.

OP posts:
TotallyUnapologeticOmnivore · 07/10/2025 14:28

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/10/2025 14:10

why isnt the baby welcome? Its a bit odd having a family event yet not all the family is welcome?

Maybe the event includes one of those high-maintenance relatives who 'can't be around newborns because it's triggering, blah blah blah'.

NerrSnerr · 07/10/2025 14:27

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 14:25

@Squishydishylove the conspiracy theories! Not sure which would give it away faster: my giant postpartum boobies or my DS showing off, if the baby was a secret.

Why can’t you say why the baby can’t go? It would be easier to answer with context.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/10/2025 14:26

Honestly, no I wouldn't leave a young newborn if I didn't have to. I'd be worried about the impact on them and on establishing feeding.

It seems odd to me that the family won't want to see the baby, or that a family event wouldn't include your dp?

Likely you will be exhausted, still bleeding from the birth and trying to establish feeding. So I wouldn't commit to going at all yet.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 07/10/2025 14:26

Hotdoughnut · 07/10/2025 14:23

I wouldn't have thought twice about this and would go as a family. My first baby had been to 3 weddings by the time they were 2 weeks old! As long as you are prepared to change plans if either of you aren't well/healed.

Edited

This is about leaving the baby not taking the baby to a do.

VainAbigail · 07/10/2025 14:26

Squishydishy · 07/10/2025 14:20

I wonder if the family aren’t aware the baby exists?!

Show quote history

It sounds like the OPs going to a wedding - possibly sister (?) as that would explain why her mum cant have her child.

Original poster
honeymelina · 07/10/2025 14:25

@Squishydishylove the conspiracy theories! Not sure which would give it away faster: my giant postpartum boobies or my DS showing off, if the baby was a secret.

OP posts:
NC2654 · 07/10/2025 14:25

I would have done it and would have been fine even after a c section both times. You sound like you want to go and I agree it will be great for your toddler to have 1:1 mum time! Newborn will be absolutely fine with father.

Hotdoughnut · 07/10/2025 14:23

I wouldn't have thought twice about this and would go as a family. My first baby had been to 3 weddings by the time they were 2 weeks old! As long as you are prepared to change plans if either of you aren't well/healed.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 07/10/2025 14:21

I wouldn’t do this, a newborn should be with their mum unless there’s an emergency.

Taking your ds to a party is not a good enough reason imo.

Plus you don’t know that physically you’ll be fine 🤷‍♀️

Squishydishy · 07/10/2025 14:20

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/10/2025 14:10

why isnt the baby welcome? Its a bit odd having a family event yet not all the family is welcome?

I wonder if the family aren’t aware the baby exists?!

Endofyear · 07/10/2025 14:18

I wouldn't have left mine for that long at 1 or 2 weeks old. You're still establishing feeding and they may not even take a bottle. Even if DH is perfectly competent (and mine was) I wouldn't have wanted to be away from my newborn.

Squishydishy · 07/10/2025 14:17

Absolutely cannot fathom not taking my newborn. Have 3 dcs and would not be apart from them for first 6 months. Appreciate others are different but you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to be away from my 2 week baby

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