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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

259 replies

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:40

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

OP posts:
PloddingAlong21 · 08/10/2025 10:55

I would go.

It will be nice for your son who may also be a tad jealous, so good reassurance for him too.

Baby is with dad. I wouldn’t leave it with anyone else personally, but dad absoloutely yes.

Baby won’t even know, so go and enjoy your other son. Probably sleep most of the time. It’s only 6 hours.

SalamiSammich · 08/10/2025 10:05

The baby will be fine but I don't think it's in the their best interest so I wouldn't do it.

I think the new baby should be your priority in the first 2 weeks of its life, same as your firstborn was.

Dopeydoraz · 08/10/2025 09:36

Tell your husband to take your son. Easiest all round for everyone

Worriedalltheday · 08/10/2025 09:34

Gruffporcupine · 07/10/2025 13:50

Each to their own but think this is wild. A newborn needs Mum more than you or DS need to go to a party. Can't someone else take DS? This is not to mention still potentially being battered from the birth and not able to manage

This. The need to show that you are superwoman and can up and jump a week after birth is just ridiculous. If your mum is there, can’t she just watch him.
also you’re assuming that the baby will just take a bottle.

LivingOnCoffee567 · 08/10/2025 09:25

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 09:00

All the people who say their babies would never take bottles. Seeing as a very tiny % of babies are exclusively breastfeed by 6 months ( under 2%i believe) shoes the majority of babies DO take bottles. Not necessarily from mum if they smell milk

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No, people are saying exclusively breastfed babies don't take a bottle. Women eventually give up breastfeeding by 6 months which is how you get to that figure. But doing both bottle and boob at the same time is challenging.

And at 2 weeks you actually risk baby developing a bottle preference which if you want to breastfeed would be devastating.

LivingOnCoffee567 · 08/10/2025 09:22

If you formula feed from day one, totally possible.

Breastfeeding and pumping (I've done both) at 2 weeks post partum? Absolutely no way.

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 09:00

Peonies12 · 08/10/2025 08:57

My baby would never take a bottle, so just consider that. It's also advised not to introduce a bottle too early if you want to breastfeed, as it can be confusing. I'd personally not go, or take the baby with you, and all go. At that age, they can just be in a sling on you for the day. They'll be feeding very frequently at that age, so you'd need to be pumping all the time whilst you're away, so surely won't be more hassle just having the baby with you. I couldn't sit down a week after my birth due to an infection in my episiotomy, so be prepared for that!

Edited

All the people who say their babies would never take bottles. Seeing as a very tiny % of babies are exclusively breastfeed by 6 months ( under 2%i believe) shoes the majority of babies DO take bottles. Not necessarily from mum if they smell milk

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/10/2025 08:59

You can’t drive that soon after a c section though

Puzzledtoday · 08/10/2025 08:59

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 08:57

There's no reason she can't this time Parent hood isn't meant to be a bloody prison.

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Caring for your newborn baby is only a prison if you decide to make it one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/10/2025 08:58

It’s hard to imagine why all of the options you’ve discounted won’t work!

But if that’s the case I guess you’ll have to wait and see.

Peonies12 · 08/10/2025 08:57

My baby would never take a bottle, so just consider that. It's also advised not to introduce a bottle too early if you want to breastfeed, as it can be confusing. I'd personally not go, or take the baby with you, and all go. At that age, they can just be in a sling on you for the day. They'll be feeding very frequently at that age, so you'd need to be pumping all the time whilst you're away, so surely won't be more hassle just having the baby with you. I couldn't sit down a week after my birth due to an infection in my episiotomy, so be prepared for that!

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 08:57

Puzzledtoday · 08/10/2025 08:56

She can another time but not when her 2 week old baby needs her. This family gathering cant be a one-off.

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There's no reason she can't this time Parent hood isn't meant to be a bloody prison.

Puzzledtoday · 08/10/2025 08:56

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 08:05

Why shouldn't the OP enjoy herself at the family party also though?

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She can another time but not when her 2 week old baby needs her. This family gathering cant be a one-off.

DangerousAlchemy · 08/10/2025 08:55

I'd say its unlikely youll be able to express milk so easily within 1-2 weeks of birth plus many newborns who are being BF will refuse the bottle. I can't imagine many mums wanting to leave a newborn baby behind for a family day out. Yes I'd say your DH is right and you are BU.

Phoenixfire1988 · 08/10/2025 08:46

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:48

To address a few:
it’s my family’s event (my side of the family) and it would be more appropriate for me to go.
no, I can’t take the newborn at all

Surely your dh is part of the family ?! As someone who is breastfeeding thinking you can leave a 1/ 2 week old baby for that length of time is optimistic at best

dontcomeatme · 08/10/2025 08:19

HRFT but I don't think you've thought this through properly.
Baby might not take a bottle if you're BF, they're all different.
You might have a bad birth or c section which means longer and harder recovery. I was admitted for 7 days after my DS was born. I was in no fit state to go for a family day out.
Baby might have colic/be a velcro baby. My first was no bother would settle for anyone, my second however, screams if he's not in my arms. Your DH would have a horrible time trying to settle a crying baby all day. Your baby would have an awful day too.
If you manage to establish bf and pump within less than 2 weeks you will have to take all of your equipment with you to pump while you're gone.
Also don't underestimate the sibling bond. My 2yo refused to leave the babys side for the first few months, he was extremely protective x

UpWhereTheyWalk · 08/10/2025 08:12

I wouldn't have been able to, due to a difficult recovery from birth/stitches etc..., and I breastfed but didn't get on well with the pump, certainly wouldn't have had enough pumped to leave baby for a day after 2 weeks. I was still building up the milk supply at that point and baby was cluster feeding.

However there's nothing wrong with leaving baby with their dad if you can. But don't feel pressure if you can't.x

Eenameenadeeka · 08/10/2025 08:11

Ar such an early stage of establishing breastfeeding, I wouldn't even consider leaving a baby all day, but it's individual what people feel comfortable with.

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 08:05

Puzzledtoday · 07/10/2025 16:31

I agree. DS needs to go to the family party but someone else can take him. DH could drop him off if he’s not comfortable attending without you.

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Why shouldn't the OP enjoy herself at the family party also though?

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 08:01

Nanny0gg · 07/10/2025 17:38

A two-week old breastfed baby?

What could possibly go wrong?

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In reality what could possibly go wrong? If you saying about feeding do as one of my DDs did. Get dad to give the baby a bottle of expressed milk from a few days old. Then they are used to such scrnerios and expect a bottle from Dad. DDs child is now nearly a year and she's still breastfeeding but baby happily takes bottles from others if DD at work etc. Won't take one if she's in the room though lol.

LuckyShark · 08/10/2025 07:53

Sorry just saw you are planning to BF/pump

That's the only issue I can see is either you not having the milk supply you are expecting OR baby not taking to a bottle.

But these are the things you cant plan for.

Don't be judged by being OK to leave your joint child with their parent....thats completely fine and normal to do. This needs to be made more of the done thing IMO. Especially to spend time with an older child.

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 07:53

margegunderson · 07/10/2025 13:53

You’ve had a baby before - what do you think? For me I’d move heaven and earth to take your baby as well. You say it’s impossible but get over that and I suspect the whole thing would be much easier.

Maybe she doesn't want to take the baby.

Velvian · 08/10/2025 07:52

You would need to take the baby with you imo. You won't have established feeding by that point and will definitely still need to do all feeds as BF if you are planning on BF.

LuckyShark · 08/10/2025 07:50

I had to leave newborn DS for 9 hours to do a practical uni assessment
(Well he was 4 weeks but just out of NICU)
I felt fine to leave him. Emotionally and recovery wise I would have felt fine to leave him alone with his dad from day 1.

My issue was BF. He was exclusively BF and my pumping skills were abysmal. Over an hour for 15ml (I only kept at it as DS needed medicine mixed in with 15ml of milk....looking back why didnt I just use formula- derailing anyway.....)

So DH had to bring him and hang about near by, coffee shops, car, a friends house and pop round every now and again so I could feed him.

Your plan sounds grand to me.....but you wont know how feeding goes until they are here. They might not even take bittle feeds. Though if you are formula feeding then you do so no issues at all.

Just enjoy yourself and dont do too much

ResusciAnnie · 08/10/2025 07:49

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:50

The options here are: I go with my son or he can’t go. Without going into details, derailing or making it outing, there isn’t a way to leave my son with my mum for the event or send my husband or take the baby. I simply mean, is the plan as it is, to go with just DS and myself, without DH and baby, ok or unreasonable?

Unreasonable - your newborn can definitely attend, and if someone’s saying they can’t then they’re wrong. At 2 weeks post partum it’s not like you’re gonna be attending a zip lining event. Your baby can go with you.