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Original poster

How can I ever trust my wife again?

121 replies

FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:17

My wife planned for a year to leave me in secret, she told me our marriage is over and moved out months later. How can I ever forgive her? She said she left due to name calling and me treating her badly. I admit I treated her badly but how can I ever trust her again?

She’s ruined everything, she’s destroyed all our lives! She also mentioned other stuff that I apparently said to her - very bad things - she’s lying! She’s a dangerous person! She wants to ruin me!

I’ll never forget that terrible email from universal credit saying that my wife had told them she was now single. How could she do that to me? How can I ever trust her again?

*This is a reverse post from my husband’s POV.

OP posts:
amibeingaknob · 07/10/2025 12:30

Ive been you OP. In some ways I still am - 8 years on!!!! My ex was unbelievably cruel - still is. For some reason it still hurts me and drives me nuts that his perspective is IM the monster. I mean Im a lot lot better than I was, mostly don't give a shit, but it still stings abit. At your stage is stung loads and I used to endlessly try and reason with him.

My advice (which I need to follow myself) is IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE THINKS OR SAYS. It really really doesn't. He is never going to see things from your side because he is a narcissist. Same as mine. You can't reason with crazy.

I think people being harsh are being extremely unkind to a abused woman. I hope it never happens to you. It messes with your head for a long time - maybe forever.

WrylyAmused · 07/10/2025 12:30

You left because he treated you badly - so he couldn't see, throughout your marriage, what things were like from your perspective, or how you felt.

But now that you've ended the relationship you suddenly expect him to see it from your POV?

Sure, he should probably be a better person. But he isn't, wasn't, doesn't sound like he ever was, so you're unrealistic to expect that he'll change just because you left!

ChikinLikin · 07/10/2025 12:30

If he was actually hearing-impaired, you wouldn't expect him to hear you.
The fact is, he is emotionally-impaired and probably totally selfish, so you shouldn't expect him to hear you.
As the other poster says, for whatever reason, he is a venomous snake. Forget him.

Blarn · 07/10/2025 12:28

What's with all the from the other persons point of view posts?

I imagine you just ignore your husband and concentrate on building a better life without him.

Original poster
FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:28

TheLadyofBower · 07/10/2025 12:23

Are you considering this? Why?

Show quote history

To keep our family together.

OP posts:
Original poster
FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:27

ChikinLikin · 07/10/2025 12:24

Have you left? If you have, it doesn't matter what he thinks about you. You did what you had to do to leave. Well done.

I’ve left, it’s the endless messages about how I’ve destroyed our lives - no apology or asking for forgiveness.

OP posts:
Eatyourmanicotti · 07/10/2025 12:27

Lol. Men are daft.

Original poster
FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:25

Plugsocketrocket · 07/10/2025 12:23

This is the classic internet meme of the snake biting you and leaving you with their venom and you wondering why the snake bit you instead of trying to extract the venom.

Your husband behaves the way he does because over his lifetime his brain has literally wired through personality and experience to behave that way, just like how a snake evolves, you need to extract your husband’s venom and accept his nature nothing more.

Edited

It’s just hard to accept him blaming me completely for leaving even though I’ve told him the reasons (him treating me badly) it’s like he’s completely deaf to any of my reasons and only sees how hurt he is.

OP posts:
ChikinLikin · 07/10/2025 12:24

Have you left? If you have, it doesn't matter what he thinks about you. You did what you had to do to leave. Well done.

ButterPiesAreGreat · 07/10/2025 12:23

Stop writing posts from a supposedly different point of view to validate your feelings.

CountryQueen · 07/10/2025 12:23

What?

Plugsocketrocket · 07/10/2025 12:23

This is the classic internet meme of the snake biting you and leaving you with their venom and you wondering why the snake bit you instead of trying to extract the venom.

Your husband behaves the way he does because over his lifetime his brain has literally wired through personality and experience to behave that way, just like how a snake evolves, you need to extract your husband’s venom and accept his nature nothing more.

TheLadyofBower · 07/10/2025 12:23

FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:22

If we were to get back together.

Show quote history

Are you considering this? Why?

Original poster
FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:22

WhamBamThankU · 07/10/2025 12:18

Why would he need to trust you again if you’ve left?

If we were to get back together.

OP posts:
Original poster
FogCatcher · 07/10/2025 12:21

PermanentTemporary · 07/10/2025 12:20

When he says you’re lying, are you? Probably stop doing that.

Definitely not lying.

OP posts:
Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 07/10/2025 12:21

BIWI · 07/10/2025 12:21

What is the point of this?

Exactly what I was thinking

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 07/10/2025 12:21

Okay then

BIWI · 07/10/2025 12:21

What is the point of this?

PermanentTemporary · 07/10/2025 12:20

When he says you’re lying, are you? Probably stop doing that.

TheLadyofBower · 07/10/2025 12:19

You dont need to give your ex husband ANY headspace. You dont need validation or approval you did what you needed to do. Who gives a shit what he thinks...

WhamBamThankU · 07/10/2025 12:18

Why would he need to trust you again if you’ve left?

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