AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

I thought this was normal? DS didn't want much of his tea last night (fish fingers, baked beans and sweet potato mash) even though he's had them all before and eaten them, and trying to get him to eat anywhere that isn't at home is a bloody nightmare. He's too busy looking at everything!

Yabu. They can’t offer different options for every child who refuses to eat what’s on the menu.

Does he even need to be at the nursery? For two half days a week I assume it’s not because both parents are working?

Ps it’s fazed, not phased.

Parents like your boil my blood. No problem we will individually cater for 140 kids we have at every meal. It's your job as a parent to introduce lots of food. Plus there is always 2 choices for lunch

He’s offered the menu, he’s also offered beans on toast, that’s it and that’s fine. The nursery don’t buy in extras and various meal options.

Yes and it is also a bit unpleasant to suggest your child should be entitled a particular service because you're paying out of pocket

Funded vs non funded hours are irrelevant as they don’t cover food. On the days that funded hours covers we pay a top up charge for all of the meals. I thought this was important to mention in case you think you’re paying for something that others aren’t and therefore deserve special consideration. You’re not.

I’m going to go controversial and say they should be offering an alternative. My 2 DDs went to different private nurseries and they were both offered something else if they didn’t want the meal. They understood that children need to eat! So even if it was toast, or cereal, or fruit… whatever they had, they’d offer. My DDs have not come away picky eaters, and I think sometimes we get stuck in the mindset of “it must be this way or else (insert awful consequence) will happen”...
And you’re not asking for special treatment. If all the kids refused to eat it the food, it clearly becomes an issue with the food provided. As adults, wouldn’t treat each other like this (you must eat this, you can only have that).
I’d sit down with the nursery manager and talk it through. See if you can work towards a solution together.

It doesn't matter to the nursery how they are paid, funded for not. They can't cater to every child's whims, it would be too time consuming and expensive as the food waste would increase. You say you know they'd eat cereal but then say only eaten breakfast 2 or 3 times in September so that isn't a solution. You could consider a nanny if that's the kind of meal service you're looking for.

The lamb bolognaise isn’t likely to be them trying to be ‘fancy’. Many nurseries do not serve beef or pork due to religious reasons of attendees so they’ve modified it from a nutritional point of view to still include a red meat.

It's not good that you're so resentful of paying nursery fees. They're caring for your son when you're not able/willing to, you shouldn't have the attitude of trying to get your money's worth.

Have you been giving him something to eat as soon as he comes out each day? He might just be holding out to eat with you since he's only doing half days. Not saying you shouldn't feed him after pick up, but that might just feel more comfortable for him right now. Give him a bit more time to settle in, sounds like he'd usually be happy to eat the food they're offering so I don't see why they should offer alternatives.

I think if serving beans in a bowl and toast on the side or having fruit at snack time is unrealistic then we need to re-evaluate the quality of childcare that we deem as acceptable.

I think expecting a very basic alternative (by this I mean toast with butter and a few beans on the side) is reasonable. But expecting a completely different option is not otherwise all the children will start holding out for alternatives.

Does he eat breakfast at home and have lunch at home when he comes back? If no allergies at play then most likely he's not hungry enough? You don't say if he's devouring all food and desperate to eat on arrival home. 8-1 isn't really a full day.

Send in a packed lunch box.

It depends, breakfast is an easy one where they should offer options. Our nursery and childminder have options for toast with jam/honey, cereals and sometimes porridge for the under 2. I think it's ridiculous to serve beans on toast to a child that doesn't eat it, when they would eat the toast with jam.

For lunch, it's more complicated. Most nurseries have a single menu with a veggie alternative (which is just a modified version of the main menu so won't really help here). I don't think they can cater for every child that won't eat it the daily meal. Ideally they would separate the food so there is always the rice or pasta or something they might like.

Ultimately, if you pick up your child at 1pm I don't really see the problem, you can bring a snack with you at pickup or feed them at home.

At least they are honest - I remember always being told by the nursery 'he didn't eat his veg' when at home all he would eat was veg, it felt like a standard message and like no-one was actually watching.

Every setting I've worked in would have ability to make a sandwich instead or toast or a banana or something. I suspect they aren't concerned about doing that because they think you can feed him breakfast before he comes in and lunch after he goes home so he's not starved. If he stayed all day I'd be very surprised they hadn't tried alternatives.

Wrong thread, sorry!

It’s still early days of him settling into nursery, some kids take 12 weeks to properly settle. Have you told the nursery his likes and dislikes? While they can’t offer endless alternatives for all kids, it is fair for them to be able to offer something for kids who have never liked something on offer e.g. plain toast, fruit etc if the kid has never liked beans or shepherd’s pie or whatever. But equally they can’t be making whole new meals for every child

Just give them lunch as soon as they've left nursery? If you really think you should be getting a refund on the cost of the beans and bread your child rejected, or that they should have multiple different foods they should try until he's eaten what you think sufficient then you're not being reasonable.

The most important part of nursery is the socialisation and the free play. He doesn’t need a restaurant experience. In fact, I think 2 meals in 4 hours is quite a lot of time eating when he could be playing instead. Just feed him toast before you go and offer a big snack in the afternoon when he gets home. He will eventually learn to get on with the communal meals and eat with the others. Until then, he won’t starve.

Don't you think it's a positive thing for him to get used to the fact that he needs to sometimes eat things that are not his favourite / presented exactly how he wants, if he doesn't want to feel hungry later? I think this is such a great lesson for our kids, who are growing up so very privileged in every way compared to so many around the world, and it sets them up better for school also, which is partly what nursery is about. My kids used to be like this when they started nursery but I'd never have asked the nursery to cater especially for them! They both learned their lesson and they now know that at school, even if they lunch isn't their favourite, they have to eat a bit or there will be nothing else and they will go hungry. Also, he won't actually go hungry - it's two mornings a week. Beans on toast is a nutritious breakfast and cereal is not, I'm guessing that's why they don't offer cereal... and kids whose families don't qualify for funded hours aren't entitled to a premium service either. YABVU I'm afraid

Mine absolutely loved rice at nursery wouldn’t touch it at home.
I’d expect him to be offered a meal not further options if don’t eat. They usually have fruit or yoghurt too. He will get used to it.
Have you checked set up with self feeding, cutlery etc. You mentioned texture it may be you are chopping more at home or helping him feed more than at nursery so it’s serving style not the actual food that’s throwing him.

But then all the kids would ask for bread and butter or think it’s ok not to bother eating what’s offered, as they can just refuse and someone will give them something else. Children generally eat better in a social setting because they learn from their peers.