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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
ThreePears · 08/10/2025 17:06

Aside from all else, nobody seems to have mentioned the other thing going on here, which is that there is a woman who is never allowed outside her home unless accompanied by her domineering, aggressive brother.

Thulpelly · 08/10/2025 17:03

Yep, 100% a welfare check.

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 17:02

Anyahyacinth · 08/10/2025 16:38

THIS! The post is a very uncomfortable read for anyone who works with vulnerable people (who are subject to harms and discrimination for their differences) the staring into the distance, silence could be absence seizures too..the names given tell on OP …the original post was judgemental and unkind ..the sort of thing that led Harper Lee to write To Kill a Mockingbird I think

They are not 'vulnerable', especially not the remaining brother. Nobody was 'staring in the distance', don't know where you got that from. His silence wasn't seizures.

But please, do carry on making shit up.

I'd also like you to tell me where I was unkind?

Was it pointing out that he splashed bleach on a car? Argued with the woman next door? Made me feel super uncomfortable while talking about dominating people? Shouting at my young son? His brother having to 'hold him back' whhile I was talking to him?

Or was it the bit where I talked of how I was worried about his brother?

Which particular bit was unkind?

Please, do tell me...also, I've addressed the 'judgemental' thing....EVERYONE judges people. If you claim not to do so, you're a liar. I judged, pretty early on, this was not a man I felt comfortable with.

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 08/10/2025 16:38

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 11:38

Wow that’s a v different portrait you’re now painting @notanoccultexpert.

You let a whole thread interpret this family as having specific vulnerabilities that they’ve used to agree with you to justify their agreement that a welfare check is warranted.

And now you realise how reductive & harmful your implications of the protagonists in your little story are . Where the bad learning disabled brother is called Hulk & the good learning disabled brother Gentle. Where the bad learning disabled killed poor innocent good learning disabled Gentle. And buried him under a shed.

No you didn’t say he was “evil” but your title of your thread & assumption that he murdered him doesn’t exactly imply otherwise does it?

You didn’t call it “I haven’t seen my neighbour in some time & I’m worried about them”.

And had zero awareness of how behaviours like staring, social communication differences & what you might see as unusual behaviour, can only too often describe a person with additional needs or disabilities.

Hope if nothing else, your ignorance & stigmatising assumptions have been challenged by this thread & hopefully re-evaluated.

THIS! The post is a very uncomfortable read for anyone who works with vulnerable people (who are subject to harms and discrimination for their differences) the staring into the distance, silence could be absence seizures too..the names given tell on OP …the original post was judgemental and unkind ..the sort of thing that led Harper Lee to write To Kill a Mockingbird I think

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 08/10/2025 16:30

PuppyKeep · 08/10/2025 16:22

Why not? That’s fascinating

@PuppyKeep You can't search for a death that hasn't been declared. I doubt his brother buried him under the shed then filled in the paperwork for the registrar

Bongani · 08/10/2025 16:28

That is an incredibly intense and concerning situation you've described. Understandably, you and your children are worried about Gentle's disappearance, especially given Hulk's strange behaviour and the timeline of events. It sounds like you've been a very patient and observant neighbour through some truly odd incidents over the years.

PuppyKeep · 08/10/2025 16:22

notatinydancer · 08/10/2025 11:56

Not if he’s been murdered, which is what she’s asking.

Why not? That’s fascinating

Yesiamtiredactually · 08/10/2025 16:02

PandorasJam · 08/10/2025 08:26

15 pages in and nobody has said "You won't like Hulk when he's angry"?

FINALLY

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 15:50

@SorcererGaherisI think it’s encouraging that she was able to reconsider the impact of her thread & her replies absolutely. I still disagree that this situation warrants a call to the police or a welfare check though. But we are all different & have different view points. That’s as good as it will get from me 🤷‍♀️ And departing this thread - much to everyone’s relief (on all sides!)

Conniebygaslight · 08/10/2025 15:42

Smidge001 · 08/10/2025 11:55

I wonder if some people have incorrectly thought the ND in your title meant neuro diverse instead of Next-door .

I'm with you OP - you never once said or suggested anyone in the family had any learning difficulties.

I thought that too initially....
Incidentally OP I don't think that you are being nosey or overly judgemental at all. AND I certainly don't blame you or not knocking on Hulk's door. Hope everything works out for them ok.

SorcererGaheris · 08/10/2025 15:39

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 15:30

Who’s the troll now? 🤔 Good luck with that

@GustavMunchkin

Don't you think you were possibly a little hard on the OP earlier on, though? It's not as though she deliberately led people to believe that this family had some form of disability or neurodiversity.

Perhaps she should have clarified sooner that she doesn't personally believe them to be disabled or neurodiverse. But that's a lapse of judgement and doesn't deserve harsh criticism. It's not her fault that people have come to false conclusions/assumptions.

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 15:30

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 08/10/2025 15:15

It's okay Gustav, we have one of you in the neighbourhood. We all know who and what he is. We don't invite him to neighbourhood gatherings and we don't call the police when we see someone dodgy around his house. Biscuit

Who’s the troll now? 🤔 Good luck with that

Marmaladeisntheonlypreserve · 08/10/2025 15:22

Someone I knew was bothed shocked and delighted to be offered a lovely 3 bedroom council house after being on the housing list for just a couple of months.
It meant she and her two young children had a bedroom each after being in temporary accommodation.
She of course accepted the offer and was surprised by what a nice neighbourhood it was too .
Only later did she find out that the previous tenant had been killed in her home by her son. The neighbours hadn't told about this as they assumed she already knew as it had been big new in the city but she had lived elsewhere prior to moving there.
The son who killed his Mom wasn't found guilty of murder but was detained under the mental health act.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 08/10/2025 15:15

GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 14:15

The feeling’s mutual. I can’t believe how pple posting on a forum are so intolerant of views being expressed that don’t align with their own. Echo chamber ot forum?

It's okay Gustav, we have one of you in the neighbourhood. We all know who and what he is. We don't invite him to neighbourhood gatherings and we don't call the police when we see someone dodgy around his house. Biscuit

LittleGreenDragons · 08/10/2025 15:02

Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 08/10/2025 10:53

I don’t understand the hard time you are getting on here @notanoccultexpert . I think you have a valid concern and I hope the police get to the bottom of it.

I have to agree with all of this. Lots of weird posters on this thread.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/10/2025 14:55

He prob moved out

unlikely dead and buried under the shed

Have you searched on birth marriage deaths

Bluddyellfire · 08/10/2025 14:49

thecatneuterer · 07/10/2025 14:25

But surely you wouldn't be gardening in a British backyard? In the UK a yard is small, concrete, walled, and normally houses bins.

I remember when an American came to my house and mentioned my back yard (I was really into gardening at the time, and it was a lovely flower filled garden) and I felt so offended!

I garden in my back yard (roughly 4m x 10m) but then, as a northerner, I make the best I can with what I've got. It's got a long flowerbed about 2' wide the length of one side wall and deep, long troughs all along the other wall, plus some pots and hanging baskets. There's even the room for an 8x6 shed, no bodies beneath as far as I'm aware!

mummymetalhead · 08/10/2025 14:38

I really hope Gentle is ok. Hulks sounds absolutely terrifying

PeggySue1988 · 08/10/2025 14:31

Ontheedgeofit · 08/10/2025 14:30

I think there are two types of MN responders…

  1. people who genuinely want to give advice, ask more questions, sympathize or to say YABU or YANBU
  2. people who scan the posts for anything that may be used to provoke an argument. Specifically about ideology or political correctness. They are not really interested in the OPs actual question or problem, they are only interested in ripping apart her choice of words or any implied bias or prejudice.

No 2 with bells on.

Ontheedgeofit · 08/10/2025 14:30

I think there are two types of MN responders…

  1. people who genuinely want to give advice, ask more questions, sympathize or to say YABU or YANBU
  2. people who scan the posts for anything that may be used to provoke an argument. Specifically about ideology or political correctness. They are not really interested in the OPs actual question or problem, they are only interested in ripping apart her choice of words or any implied bias or prejudice.
GustavMunchkin · 08/10/2025 14:15

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 08/10/2025 13:07

Gosh @notanoccultexpert I can't believe some of these responses from people.

I actually fled AIBU yesterday and went over to Relationships to get away from the obviously contrary posters on this board.

I agree that you did the right thing. And anyone who says you should get a life, should hope for a neighbour like you if they're ever in an emergency.

We live in a sort of gated community (not UK) and my 13 year old son had a preteen tantrum and stormed out. I gave him some time to calm down, but then worried that he might leave the gated area, so I contacted the one neighbour that we all know is the nosey lady. She sits on the CCTV cameras all day and will tell you if your wheelie bin falls over in the wind, that sort of thing.

I asked if she'd seen him on the cameras and sure enough she had. Told me where he'd got to and I went and fetched him.

My point is, we NEED nosey neighbours (not that I'm saying you're nosey 😛)!! But I'm grateful that Nosey Kelly is constantly on the cameras. You never know when you will need her 😃.

I'd rather have you as my neighbour, Notanocult, than that twit Gustav.

The feeling’s mutual. I can’t believe how pple posting on a forum are so intolerant of views being expressed that don’t align with their own. Echo chamber ot forum?

GentleJadeOP · 08/10/2025 14:04

DinaofCloud9 · 08/10/2025 13:34

People who disagree with the way the op worded her post are not haters or trolls.

But she’s explained her wording and so many people are pulling her to bits over it. Anyway, police are aware now so hopefully a good explanation is forthcoming

Sez1990 · 08/10/2025 13:36

Maybe I've missed this in another post, but as you're on vague speaking could you not just say "Oh I haven't seen your brother for a while, is he OK?". He's hardly likely to say he buried him under the shed but there may be an innocent explanation. If the parents died reasonably young and one of the sisters died, they might have a genetic condition (happened to one of my neighbours and his partner and adult children had to stop work and all eventually passed away). Not sure all neighbours would divulge that info but mine did. Anyway, I guess it's in the hands of the police now

DinaofCloud9 · 08/10/2025 13:34

GentleJadeOP · 08/10/2025 12:27

Op- please ignore the haters and trolls. They are looking for attention. You have done a sensible thing in reporting your valid concerns to the Police. We need more people like you in the world. Hopefully all is ok

People who disagree with the way the op worded her post are not haters or trolls.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 08/10/2025 13:07

Gosh @notanoccultexpert I can't believe some of these responses from people.

I actually fled AIBU yesterday and went over to Relationships to get away from the obviously contrary posters on this board.

I agree that you did the right thing. And anyone who says you should get a life, should hope for a neighbour like you if they're ever in an emergency.

We live in a sort of gated community (not UK) and my 13 year old son had a preteen tantrum and stormed out. I gave him some time to calm down, but then worried that he might leave the gated area, so I contacted the one neighbour that we all know is the nosey lady. She sits on the CCTV cameras all day and will tell you if your wheelie bin falls over in the wind, that sort of thing.

I asked if she'd seen him on the cameras and sure enough she had. Told me where he'd got to and I went and fetched him.

My point is, we NEED nosey neighbours (not that I'm saying you're nosey 😛)!! But I'm grateful that Nosey Kelly is constantly on the cameras. You never know when you will need her 😃.

I'd rather have you as my neighbour, Notanocult, than that twit Gustav.