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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
sofaRunner · 07/10/2025 12:21

OP - don't ignore your concerns. A welfare check will help alleviate fears - hopefully it will be nothing then you will be able to relax, until then it will be on your mind (& mine now actually!).

You'll never forgive yourself it there were a problem

Cantbleedingcope · 07/10/2025 12:20

We used to have neighbours on our street when we kids who were like the family in ‘The Burbs’ - think larger detached Victorian style homes, set back from the road with enclosed leafy driveways. Theirs was really overgrown. House was weird inside - like the families in The Burbs! They were always our first stop to knock on at Halloween!! Now I wouldn’t have been the slightest bit shocked if they had found bodies in their house. From what I recall my parents telling me, he was a the local coroner. We once rolled a golf ball onto their driveway (I can’t remember why) but they coloured it in black and rolled it onto ours…. Scary.

Edited to add - they used to walk everywhere and when a car was driving up the road past them they would turn to face the trees/bushes along the road. Just very very odd.

Do you know ‘gentle‘s name OP? Could then have a look online to see if they are on socials or LinkedIn maybe?

CountryQueen · 07/10/2025 12:20

Do people really say things like “Get him the hell outta my yard”? 😆

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 12:20

EternallyNapTrapped · 07/10/2025 12:05

I would put money on this family being from the same ethnic background as me. Which doesn't make them any more or less likely than anyone else to have murderers in the family, but makes them slightly more likely to have hereditary kidney disease. I would guess that Gentle is indoors with a prolonged end-stage kidney disease.

They are Indian - so that is a possibility

OP posts:
CurtsyFriends · 07/10/2025 12:20

Fingers crossed he has just moved out to live on his own and he is fine. It would still be odd that he hasn’t visited his siblings though. Although he may have been round when you were out. Have you spoken to the neighbours on the other side to see if they have seen him?

sofaRunner · 07/10/2025 12:19

EternallyNapTrapped · 07/10/2025 12:05

I would put money on this family being from the same ethnic background as me. Which doesn't make them any more or less likely than anyone else to have murderers in the family, but makes them slightly more likely to have hereditary kidney disease. I would guess that Gentle is indoors with a prolonged end-stage kidney disease.

just when I thought this thread couldn't get any more random........ on what are you basing this families ethnicity & them making a kidney failure diagnosis & subsequent death???????? at least do a blood test first

AutumnMorning · 07/10/2025 12:18

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/10/2025 12:15

@AutumnMorning Mind your own business OP

Well, no. The police have access to find out more than OP can find out.

People minding their own business is how vulnerable (or not vulnerable) people have crimes committed against them.

But its been assumed a crime has been committed! The guy has likely more than anything moved out.
God forbid my ND kids ever move out I'll be expecting whispers from neighbours and a knock from the police 🙄

Change2banon · 07/10/2025 12:17

You didn’t do a very good job of keeping that short OP 😵‍💫

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/10/2025 12:15

@AutumnMorning Mind your own business OP

Well, no. The police have access to find out more than OP can find out.

People minding their own business is how vulnerable (or not vulnerable) people have crimes committed against them.

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 12:14

Are you saying they are a family of vulnerable adults with possible learning difficulties? And all adult children bar the sister that died never moved out of the house? Why can’t Gentle have just fallen out with them & moved out on his own or with another person? Or into supported anccomodation? Are you saying he would not be capable? I don’t understand why he’s a murderer! Him no longer living at that address is not that out of the realms of possibility surely?

weirdoboelady · 07/10/2025 12:13

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 11:51

Very helpful and informative, thanks. I am a bit worried that he will know it's me...but I can deal with that

Could you not get the police to say that a local shopkeeper had reported Gentle's absence/change of routine? Lay a few false breadcrumbs....

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/10/2025 12:12

EternallyNapTrapped · 07/10/2025 12:05

I would put money on this family being from the same ethnic background as me. Which doesn't make them any more or less likely than anyone else to have murderers in the family, but makes them slightly more likely to have hereditary kidney disease. I would guess that Gentle is indoors with a prolonged end-stage kidney disease.

Surely there would have been visits though, GP, carers, district nurses?

MaverickSnoopy · 07/10/2025 12:12

I would ask for a welfare check, but I'd probably also install a ring doorbell.

AutumnMorning · 07/10/2025 12:12

I cant even begin to find the words after reading this but its completely nuts, to jump to you think the person is murdered is highly unlikely and quite the leap!
Mind your own business OP

feelinhopeful · 07/10/2025 12:10

Gosh, sounds like they need some support. Potentially gentle died of natural causes and they didn’t know how to handle it. You have definitely done the right thing OP, if nothing else comes of it at least the family will be flagged up as needing some support.

JFDIYOLO · 07/10/2025 12:09

I agree - ask for welfare check.

Express your concerns and tell the police what you've noticed.

Don't engage with the neighbours, don't ask where G is. Keep away.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/10/2025 12:08

I don’t know whether to think of a witty comment to @Whatsthatsheila about borrowing one of her chairs, or to say I also remember the Mansfield case that @Clarinet1 said, and the other case where the parents were wrapped in ?mattresses? during Covid.

Speak to the police though.

Onegingerhead · 07/10/2025 12:07

SeriaMau · 07/10/2025 11:37

This will be a thread with endless hypotheses, and OP will then go silent so we never find out. Expectations managed already.

Or, we’ll see a documentary 6 months from now

SilkiePenguin · 07/10/2025 12:05

Agree with you @sunshine244 It's very hard for someone to be ND on its own without all the horrible rumours and judgement over different behaviour. Most murderers are not ND (and can be very charming) though ND non-verbal or learning difficulties are incredibly vulnerable to false accusations.

EternallyNapTrapped · 07/10/2025 12:05

I would put money on this family being from the same ethnic background as me. Which doesn't make them any more or less likely than anyone else to have murderers in the family, but makes them slightly more likely to have hereditary kidney disease. I would guess that Gentle is indoors with a prolonged end-stage kidney disease.

Bottleplant · 07/10/2025 12:04

NearlyChocLogTime · 07/10/2025 11:59

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt for the moment rather than thinking this is a poor attempt at a murder novel.

I doubt the police can do anything, unless any of your neighbours were on the SS register as being vulnerable. They are not going to believe you if you just rock up and say 'Billy next door hasn't been seen for a while and I think his brother has killed him.'

No one would put it like that. They would make some checks if OP tells them, there's a family of adults with vulnerabilities next door and I haven't seen one of them for a long time.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/10/2025 12:02

I'd phone for a welfare check. I hope you are wrong. 😔

Absentosaur · 07/10/2025 12:01

Why on earth assume he's been murdered and buried under the shed??

Because that’s what happened in Brookside (shed / patio 🤷‍♀️)!

SilkiePenguin · 07/10/2025 12:00

I think they all sound reclusive and vulnerable and it sounds like the parents took care of them and they all struggled when they died. I wonder if the sister who died didn't get proper medical care and that may be what's happened to gentle.

NearlyChocLogTime · 07/10/2025 11:59

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt for the moment rather than thinking this is a poor attempt at a murder novel.

I doubt the police can do anything, unless any of your neighbours were on the SS register as being vulnerable. They are not going to believe you if you just rock up and say 'Billy next door hasn't been seen for a while and I think his brother has killed him.'

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