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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 07/10/2025 12:45

I’m not going to say you’re wrong or not because we dismissed my mother and turns out our neighbours did murder a relative, but if you have strong concerns you should be directing them to the police, really.

MarieRoma · 07/10/2025 12:45

LindorDoubleChoc · 07/10/2025 12:39

Are you in the UK or US? I imagine the police response would be different depending on which country you are in.

I noticed you use American words like laundromat and back yard, but spell neighbours the English way. If you are in the UK you could report anonymously to Crime Stoppers.

Back yard is commonly used in the North of England.

Frostynoman · 07/10/2025 12:40

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 11:51

Very helpful and informative, thanks. I am a bit worried that he will know it's me...but I can deal with that

He might well think it’s the other side after the parking thing

Columbidae · 07/10/2025 12:40

If you say all the adult children were mid-late thirties 16 years ago, it may be that he became eligible for older people's or other sheltered housing and has moved out.

He might have have some social intervention that you were never aware of and they facilitated a move. I hope so anyway.

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 12:39

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 12:34

I think this a wind up. Gentle knocked to ask “about council”?? …..”back yard”….& “laundromat”.
Reads very bizarrely. Almost as bizarre as these so called neighbours.

a neighbour knocked at my door to ask for help in contacting the council. Back yard is a thing we called our garden back up North when I was a kid and 'laundromat', already explained elsewhere, couldn't recall the name British people use. Nothing really 'bizarre' there tbh.

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 07/10/2025 12:39

Are you in the UK or US? I imagine the police response would be different depending on which country you are in.

I noticed you use American words like laundromat and back yard, but spell neighbours the English way. If you are in the UK you could report anonymously to Crime Stoppers.

coxesorangepippin · 07/10/2025 12:38

Very entertaining 😂

Catpiece · 07/10/2025 12:36

Sorry, I dropped off 🥱

Mythreeknights · 07/10/2025 12:36

If there's literally no space in the yard except for sheds, what on earth have Hulk and his sister been gardening? That's my first point. Second point, yes, you are definitely living next to murderer/s. I also think @AutumnMorning might be the sister haha

Change2banon · 07/10/2025 12:35

My view is you have too much time on your hands, an active imagination, watch too many tv shows and this has blurred your reality 😁😁
Having said that, put your mind at rest and contact the police. Do let us know what they say.

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 12:34

I think this a wind up. Gentle knocked to ask “about council”?? …..”back yard”….& “laundromat”.
Reads very bizarrely. Almost as bizarre as these so called neighbours.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/10/2025 12:34

AutumnMorning · 07/10/2025 12:18

But its been assumed a crime has been committed! The guy has likely more than anything moved out.
God forbid my ND kids ever move out I'll be expecting whispers from neighbours and a knock from the police 🙄

No one is assuming a crime has been committed though, OP is relating a series of worries, all together they do start to sound very odd and worth reporting.

Investigating a potential crime, isn’t that literally a huge part of the Police’s job?

If your ND kids move out and someone calls the police to say they’ve not seen them for some time the police will quickly find they’re living somewhere else and are fine. But if they’re not fine, wouldn’t you appreciate someone thinking ‘hey, what’s going on, are the neighbours kids okay’?

Remember also the woman killed by carers in Scotland?

We should all be looking out for each other and feel able to report something to the police knowing it will be properly investigated. If everything is fine then that’s great. If not, ‘mind your own business’ doesn’t really sit well with me.

DeQuin · 07/10/2025 12:33

MistressoftheDarkSide · 07/10/2025 11:55

If the family is reclusive with vulnerabilities in some way, it may not be as sinister as murder, although some of the details are interesting - sheds etc.

It could be an overwhelming- for them - scenario such as a deteriorating illness that they haven't sought support for, or even a "natural" death but they can't cope with the fallout, so the authorities are not yet aware, which would be hideous in its own way of course.

At any rate, a welfare check does seem in order - it might get them support they seem to desperately need.

These days nothing would surprise me, and truth is often stranger than fiction I've found.

This. Welfare check is the way forwards. Would not have leapt to murder myself, but vulnerable family who might benefit from some intervention of some kind they would never instigate themselves ... yes.

Justacigarette · 07/10/2025 12:32

I would contact the police. They will at least do a welfare check on gentle.

im remembering poor Bennylyne Burke and her daughters. Buried under concrete

Cara707 · 07/10/2025 12:31

I think it's reasonable to ask for check in with the family.

Others suggestions like familial kidney disease (and possibly a hereditary condition involving autism) seem likely. The nicer guy having left or ended his life also seems possible. Murder is hopefully less likely.

ilovesushi · 07/10/2025 12:31

I'm invested. Hulk and Gentle. Love the nicknames. I need to know more. It is very murky.

Weezypopsy · 07/10/2025 12:29

I don’t think you’re wrong to be concerned, definitely worth a call!

wheresmymojo · 07/10/2025 12:27

This kind of reminds me of that 80s/90s film The Burbs!

ukathleticscoach · 07/10/2025 12:27

Rear window

IRL have just too much time on your hands

Onegingerhead · 07/10/2025 12:25

What do they actually live off? Could you contact social services or whoever deals with vulnerable people with mental health issues?
It’s not necessarily the case that Gentle was murdered, i.e he could have died of natural causes, and Hulk simply hid the body, for instance.
As for the mobile phone, it couldn’t have been traced to under the shed specifically, it would only show as being within roughly half a mile of the nearest mobile tower

Change2banon · 07/10/2025 12:25

weirdoboelady · 07/10/2025 12:13

Could you not get the police to say that a local shopkeeper had reported Gentle's absence/change of routine? Lay a few false breadcrumbs....

Really?? Are you that naive?? The police won’t fabricate a story to appease OP. They will literally just say they’re doing a welfare check, they don’t need to justify or disclose why they’re doing this! 🤦🏻‍♀️

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 12:24

Cantbleedingcope · 07/10/2025 12:20

We used to have neighbours on our street when we kids who were like the family in ‘The Burbs’ - think larger detached Victorian style homes, set back from the road with enclosed leafy driveways. Theirs was really overgrown. House was weird inside - like the families in The Burbs! They were always our first stop to knock on at Halloween!! Now I wouldn’t have been the slightest bit shocked if they had found bodies in their house. From what I recall my parents telling me, he was a the local coroner. We once rolled a golf ball onto their driveway (I can’t remember why) but they coloured it in black and rolled it onto ours…. Scary.

Edited to add - they used to walk everywhere and when a car was driving up the road past them they would turn to face the trees/bushes along the road. Just very very odd.

Do you know ‘gentle‘s name OP? Could then have a look online to see if they are on socials or LinkedIn maybe?

Edited

They didnt have internet a couple of years back.. I know this because Gentle knocked at my door and asked about contacting council. When I said he could do it online, he said they don't have the internet.

OP posts:
SorcererGaheris · 07/10/2025 12:24

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:49

I feel like I should have said why I'm calling him Gentle here - he was the type of guy who just seemed eternally sad, but was very soft spoken and, well - gentle

@notanoccultexpert

While 'Gentle' may well still be alive, have you considered the possibility (though perhaps unlikely) of a suicide? A death in those circumstances might also explain why his brother may not wish to mention it/discuss it.

CountryQueen · 07/10/2025 12:22

weirdoboelady · 07/10/2025 12:13

Could you not get the police to say that a local shopkeeper had reported Gentle's absence/change of routine? Lay a few false breadcrumbs....

As if the lad in the little Tesco doesn’t have enough shit to deal with

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 12:22

AutumnMorning · 07/10/2025 12:18

But its been assumed a crime has been committed! The guy has likely more than anything moved out.
God forbid my ND kids ever move out I'll be expecting whispers from neighbours and a knock from the police 🙄

Not assuming anything...i actually feel kind of bad for writing this so flippantly. Although its certainly strange, and trust me, this family is strange....I never wanted it to sound like I think because someone might be ND, that they are also a criminal.

OP posts:
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