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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
ChicTealCat · 07/10/2025 14:39

Just read your update. In the time you wrote that you could have phoned the police. I’m not wasting anymore time on this

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 14:38

WeeGeeBored · 07/10/2025 14:37

Ask the sister? Or has she been murdered too?

Oh, and how do you know he hasn’t set his sights on you?

I never see the sister without Hulk.

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 07/10/2025 14:38

You sound the worst of this world judgemental and unkind…obsessed with others, instead of living your own life.

Invinoveritaz · 07/10/2025 14:37

I’m getting some AI vibes from this.
Are you in the US? I don’t know anyone from uk who says ‘laundromat’ and only northerners refer to back yards

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 14:37

tiredangry · 07/10/2025 14:34

How old would gentle be?

probably about mid-50s i would guess

OP posts:
WeeGeeBored · 07/10/2025 14:37

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 14:35

ok, I'm going to try and address a few points:

  1. How do I know he hasn't just moved out? I don't with 100% certainty, but knowing what I've seen over the past 16 years on how they are, it would be very unlikely.
  2. Shouldn't I be doing something better with my time than be a nosy neighbour? - I literally didn't even register that I hadn't seen him until the weird 'don't let them dominate you' conversation. All the things in the OP were previous stuff that happened that I thought relevant.
  3. Is this just terrible story writing? - haha, no. I was reading that other thread about the missing neighbours, and next door popped into my mind...and i thought, lets see what other people think; if I give all info I can, and people tell me it's nothing, then fine.
  4. Is this a cultural thing - I don't think so. I live in an area that is mostly Indian/Pakistani people and I know lots of families here.
  5. Why don't you just ask Hulk? - I feel super uncomfortable around him

I will update if I hear anything else, but for now, I'd like to thank all of you who have agreed that something might be going on here...i do regret the flippant nature of the OP and the title....I never spoke that much with Gentle, but I liked him, he was/is a good guy.

Edited

Ask the sister? Or has she been murdered too?

Oh, and how do you know he hasn’t set his sights on you?

lechatnoir · 07/10/2025 14:37

I've read all of this and can see you've called the police and asked for a welfare check, but bit perplexed why you didn't first knock on and say something along the lines of "realised I've not seen Gentle for a while. I hope you don't mind me knocking and asking out of the blue but he's such a lovely man and I just wondered if he's OK?"

RavenFinch · 07/10/2025 14:35

lolarocco · 07/10/2025 13:43

why don't you order a copy of Gentle's death certificate online and see what his cause and date of death are?

To do that you have to know the date of death - and full name and middle names.

If there has been foul play - or even a family covering up a suicide inside the house - there won't be any death certificate, no official record, nor would there have been a funeral.

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 14:35

ok, I'm going to try and address a few points:

  1. How do I know he hasn't just moved out? I don't with 100% certainty, but knowing what I've seen over the past 16 years on how they are, it would be very unlikely.
  2. Shouldn't I be doing something better with my time than be a nosy neighbour? - I literally didn't even register that I hadn't seen him until the weird 'don't let them dominate you' conversation. All the things in the OP were previous stuff that happened that I thought relevant.
  3. Is this just terrible story writing? - haha, no. I was reading that other thread about the missing neighbours, and next door popped into my mind...and i thought, lets see what other people think; if I give all info I can, and people tell me it's nothing, then fine.
  4. Is this a cultural thing - I don't think so. I live in an area that is mostly Indian/Pakistani people and I know lots of families here.
  5. Why don't you just ask Hulk? - I feel super uncomfortable around him

I will update if I hear anything else, but for now, I'd like to thank all of you who have agreed that something might be going on here...i do regret the flippant nature of the OP and the title....I never spoke that much with Gentle, but I liked him, he was/is a good guy.

OP posts:
tiredangry · 07/10/2025 14:34

How old would gentle be?

Maddy70 · 07/10/2025 14:30

I would think that he has some learning difficulties. , his brother has had enough and left. I would call the police and just tell them. It may be as you suspect but also there may be a welfare issue they need to investigate

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 14:25

I mean Dennis nilsen lived in a flat and he killed like 16 ppl

thecatneuterer · 07/10/2025 14:25

Cushionseams · 07/10/2025 12:55

That anyone thinks the term "back yard" is an American term is the most bizarre thing about this thread

But surely you wouldn't be gardening in a British backyard? In the UK a yard is small, concrete, walled, and normally houses bins.

I remember when an American came to my house and mentioned my back yard (I was really into gardening at the time, and it was a lovely flower filled garden) and I felt so offended!

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 14:23

I'd say something

Sugargliderwombat · 07/10/2025 14:22

I feel like I've read the synopsis of a book I now REALLY want to read, if nothing happens can you just make up an exciting ending please?

Gagamama2 · 07/10/2025 14:18

I need to know how this pans out!! Although I agree with others saying the whole family sounds ND and that might be why they come across as socially odd

freakingscared · 07/10/2025 14:18

Can I ask if it might be cultural ? Are they from another culture ? Or were they disabled ? 4 adjust living at home with the parents seem weird . How old were the parents ? All dying so suddenly seems weird .
personally I would report it. Or are they a different ethnicity and you are worried about that ?

WeeGeeBored · 07/10/2025 14:15

randomchap · 07/10/2025 10:49

Essentially, a neighbour has not been seen for a while but his brother still lives in the house?

A welfare check might be in order

When did you last see gentle?

Welfare check is a good idea.

Clarabell77 · 07/10/2025 14:10

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 10:56

So you think Hulk and his sister murdered their brother and buried his body in concrete under a shed? Or have imprisoned him in the shed?

Stranger things have happened!

Daygloboo · 07/10/2025 14:06

It could also be that gentle is ill.ans that they are trying to manage it themselves in which case SS should.probably ge involved anyway.

AutumnMorning · 07/10/2025 14:06

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 14:04

Why am I the only one saying Gentle could simply have moved out?? Unless the OP is permanently watching their every move how would she/he even know??

You're not alone i totally agree with you!

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 14:04

Why am I the only one saying Gentle could simply have moved out?? Unless the OP is permanently watching their every move how would she/he even know??

Daygloboo · 07/10/2025 14:02

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

Definitely a weird family. I'd be careful. You dont want to tip him off that you are suspicious. If you tell the police snd they go round but do nothing then it could be worse because he will know. There must be some way of finding out if a person has been registered as dead. It's probably just that gentle has moved away. Try and find out uf gentle has been registered dead and then maybe speak to social services confidentially and ask for advice.

MoodyMargaret11 · 07/10/2025 13:54

I dont understand though, when you say they "only ever went out to the shop or launderette", how could you possibly know for sure?
You might have seen them out with laundry and shopping bags, but no way you'd know where else they might have gone, unless you've been surveilling them 24/7.
I agree though, they do sound very odd and 'Hulk' also very creepy.
I hope you've managed to ring the police, please update what they've said. Also might be worth having a chat with the other neighbors if you're friendly with them.

DramaLlamacchiato · 07/10/2025 13:51

Hmm it does seem unlikely but stranger things have happened I suppose.

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