Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 07/10/2025 18:02

ThisOldThang · 07/10/2025 17:58

I thought the sister died from kidney failure?

There were 2 sisters

DreamTheMoors · 07/10/2025 17:58

SilkiePenguin · 07/10/2025 12:05

Agree with you @sunshine244 It's very hard for someone to be ND on its own without all the horrible rumours and judgement over different behaviour. Most murderers are not ND (and can be very charming) though ND non-verbal or learning difficulties are incredibly vulnerable to false accusations.

Like Ted Bundy.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?
ThisOldThang · 07/10/2025 17:58

I thought the sister died from kidney failure?

Daygloboo · 07/10/2025 17:57

theDudesmummy · 07/10/2025 16:59

@GustavMunchkin she doesn't "know" anything, that's the very point. I wouldn't characterise calling the police about a concern regarding a potentially vulnerable neighbour as any kind of "frenzy". I am not given to frenzies and it's exactly what I would have done.

Exactly
Better safe than sorry

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 07/10/2025 17:57

@notanoccultexpert perhaps you could try a gentle approach first, did you ever discuss interests or hobbies with Gentle? If so you might pop round with a book / magazine and say you thought it might interest him. This can then open up the topic in a non obvious way

WhywouldIbelieveit · 07/10/2025 17:55

I think you have definitely done the right thing OP. Please don't start second guessing yourself because of a few negative comments on here. You have gone with your gut instinct, if you are wrong then no harm done, but if you are right you could very well be preventing any further possible abuse or safety issues around your very strange sounding neighbour.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 07/10/2025 17:54

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 16:49

Its wild to me that some of you think I made this up, because of how I structured the info, or the language I used. I've read enough threads on here to know 'drip feeds' are not good...so I wanted to get everything I could think of, going back to when they first moved in. My thinking was - tell them everything and see if they think you're being paranoid. Majority thought I wasn't, and sadly, came up with scenarios I hadn't even thought of, and so I made the call. What happens now is out of my hands. Obviously I hope I am wrong and that he is fine.

Just checking, have you googled him? You wouldn't necessarily have known if he'd have passed away (or gone to prison or any other thing) but a thorough googling of his name might bring up news, death notices, court records or the like.

Alwaysalert · 07/10/2025 17:49

Hi, I do not blame you for not knocking and reporting your fears to Police, as you do not know how the other brother would react. I do not believe you are overthinking, overreacting or any other negative reason. I think you are reporting a metter that could be of some concern whether that be welfare needs for one family member or what is now left of the family. It's a pity that not everyone notices what goes on around them. Hoping the remaining family receive support/help if that is what they want and need, and if there had been a criminal act well that would need investigating so you still did the correct thing. "Minding your own business" is not always the correct thing to do.

Skybluepinky · 07/10/2025 17:46

Sounds like a family with additional needs, if you were really worried you would have contacted the police, not written a long post on mn.

SlashBeef · 07/10/2025 17:43

I don't think yabu at all!
There's been a few incidents where someone has died/gone missing and it's eventually reported along with raging people saying "What's happened to the world?! How did nobody notice?!"
Hopefully (and most likely) it's nothing sinister and he's just moved out. No harm done. The worst case scenario doesn't bare thinking about but at least you've cared enough to question it!

persephonia · 07/10/2025 17:42

The odds are he isn't a murderer by the way. But apart from anything else, this sort of awkward misunderstanding could land you right into sitcom territory. So Anononimity is the best route.

AutumnMorning · 07/10/2025 17:41

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 17:22

@theDudesmummy ok well we disagree on that. If you were that concerned you’d ask the neighbours themselves, their neighbours or the local shop or “laundromat” as that was the “only” place they ever used to go wasn’t it? B’cos OP knew all their movements. And sorry it is a frenzy more about the🍿than concern for the brother.

Couldn't agree with you more. I get the feeling the OP wants some kind of drama.
I normally like mumsnet and have been here many years but the level of paranoia and judgement on this thread is so off putting.

persephonia · 07/10/2025 17:39

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 14:53

True, and I hope I don't find out, because let's face it, if it's something horrible, then I would probably see signs of that (lots of police, etc)

Ask the police to do a welfare check with the details you gave. But emphasise that you want to be anonymous (if the police have half a brain cell they will do this anyway but it doesn't hurt to say). And also, don't ask your neighbour directly where his brother is (I know you said you wouldn't. I think you are right not to). Even if they were completely normal neighbours, someone contacting the police because they suspected you murdered your family member would make things really awkward from then on. Him being an odd person anyway you don't want that. So if he was contacted by the police straight after you were asking questions he might think it connected.
So make sure you stay anonymous. And I would continue to avoid stirring weird neighbour. He is probably just ND, but not worth the hassle.

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 07/10/2025 17:38

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 12:34

I think this a wind up. Gentle knocked to ask “about council”?? …..”back yard”….& “laundromat”.
Reads very bizarrely. Almost as bizarre as these so called neighbours.

You've never heard the back yard/garden called a back yard? That's very weird.

MyKindHiker · 07/10/2025 17:36

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 17:22

@theDudesmummy ok well we disagree on that. If you were that concerned you’d ask the neighbours themselves, their neighbours or the local shop or “laundromat” as that was the “only” place they ever used to go wasn’t it? B’cos OP knew all their movements. And sorry it is a frenzy more about the🍿than concern for the brother.

If I had a neighbour I found absolutely terrifying and physically threatening I would definitely not knock on their door.

theDudesmummy · 07/10/2025 17:30

I work from home and my office window overlooks my neighbour's front door and driveway. I know all his movements and patterns of movements without wanting or trying to. Nothing odd about that!

OP described not wanting to knock on the door because she feels wary of the man. I dont get why some people think alerting the police is auch a nuclear option, it really isn't. Just part of normal local police stuff.

Okiedokie123 · 07/10/2025 17:29

FaitesVosJeux · 07/10/2025 17:25

Please - PLEASE - do not do this. Please.

Agreed. That would be cruel

Hoping Gentle is ok. I think you were right to show concern op.

SorcererGaheris · 07/10/2025 17:27

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 07/10/2025 17:10

But in a situation with ‘lovely neighbours keeping an eye out for each other’, if one person in a family appeared to be missing, the normal thing to do would be to ask the family who are still there eg ‘not seen John around for ages, is he OK?’.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

That would normally be the case, but the OP has specified that she does not feel comfortable speaking to the brother directly, and the only occasions that she sees the sister out and about, she is accompanied by the brother.

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 07/10/2025 17:25

In these circumstances, and precisely because they ARE bizarre, you’ve done the right thing OP.
i wouldn’t choose to engage directly with a neighbour who made me feel uncomfortable in the way you’ve described, and asking for a welfare check does not infer any sort of accusation given how private and reclusive this family sound

FaitesVosJeux · 07/10/2025 17:25

Pantheon · 07/10/2025 13:41

I don't know OP but please make this into a novel

Please - PLEASE - do not do this. Please.

deeahgwitch · 07/10/2025 17:25

You sound very kind @notanoccultexpert
Well done for asking for a welfare check 💐
Hopefully all is ok with Gentle.

GustavMunchkin · 07/10/2025 17:22

@theDudesmummy ok well we disagree on that. If you were that concerned you’d ask the neighbours themselves, their neighbours or the local shop or “laundromat” as that was the “only” place they ever used to go wasn’t it? B’cos OP knew all their movements. And sorry it is a frenzy more about the🍿than concern for the brother.

Alwaysalert · 07/10/2025 17:14

I understood what they meant - 'yard or backyard' is English and possible American as they also use the term 'front yard', even though they are gardens. In England they are known as 'yards' or 'backyards' and are situated at the rear of a house. If anyone does not know what a yard is then you have been blessed with a garden or brought up in a flat/apartment.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 07/10/2025 17:10

SecretNameAsImShy · 07/10/2025 12:59

Glad you are not my neighbour. I am lucky enough to have lovely neighbours and we all keep an eye out for each other. I would hope that if someone went missing from one of the houses, one of the neighbours would spot it and ask for a welfare check.

There is nothing wrong with a welfare check, it's the right thing to do and no, OP, I would not mind your own business!

But in a situation with ‘lovely neighbours keeping an eye out for each other’, if one person in a family appeared to be missing, the normal thing to do would be to ask the family who are still there eg ‘not seen John around for ages, is he OK?’.

TimeForATerf · 07/10/2025 17:09

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:49

I feel like I should have said why I'm calling him Gentle here - he was the type of guy who just seemed eternally sad, but was very soft spoken and, well - gentle

I don’t think you needed to explain tbh, the MN crowd are fairly astute.