Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
WeeGeeBored · 22/10/2025 22:16

Orpheya · 20/10/2025 20:17

Opdate Up?

She’s probably been detained for digging up the neighbour’s garden.

Weightlo55 · 21/10/2025 08:01

Orpheya · 20/10/2025 20:17

Opdate Up?

OPdate could be a new word 😁

Orpheya · 20/10/2025 20:17

Opdate Up?

lottiestars76 · 17/10/2025 13:57

Cantbleedingcope · 07/10/2025 12:20

We used to have neighbours on our street when we kids who were like the family in ‘The Burbs’ - think larger detached Victorian style homes, set back from the road with enclosed leafy driveways. Theirs was really overgrown. House was weird inside - like the families in The Burbs! They were always our first stop to knock on at Halloween!! Now I wouldn’t have been the slightest bit shocked if they had found bodies in their house. From what I recall my parents telling me, he was a the local coroner. We once rolled a golf ball onto their driveway (I can’t remember why) but they coloured it in black and rolled it onto ours…. Scary.

Edited to add - they used to walk everywhere and when a car was driving up the road past them they would turn to face the trees/bushes along the road. Just very very odd.

Do you know ‘gentle‘s name OP? Could then have a look online to see if they are on socials or LinkedIn maybe?

Edited

OMG when I was reading the first post I immediately thought of our odd neighbours when we were growing up who we referred to as the Klopeks from the burbs! To the point the dad looked identical to the young man in the burbs including the red hair and beard and braces!! They used to have blacked out windows with black paint and at night like 2-3am we would be woken up to keyboard/organ music playing, like they had a big keyboard and were just playing really weird songs over and over. And they never left the house much, but a lot of them lived there. They used to fill up carrier bags with rubbish and hang them on the trees in the gardens and everything was so overgrown and messy. Some of the nights the weird keyboard / organ music would be accompanied by singing, like karaoke but not in English. And I was only around 12-13 so didn’t really know what language but my parents both always say they could never work it out. But only through the night, never ever in the day. Eventually they just disappeared one day, never returned and the house was empty for awhile. I remember they had to get the council to clean out the house and they had painted on the walls handprints and weird symbols etc and had left animals behind some that had unfortunately deceased, cats mainly but we had no clue they had any animals. There were a few buried in the garden aswell. Was just so so weird, and creepy and we always talk about it. I often think now though it was clearly a case of mentally unwell adults who couldn’t manage a large young family, and were just clearly not in the right state of mind. There were times one of their young children were found outside walking to school with no shoes and pyjamas and I remember my mum phoning the police / social services and having to give a detailed account but from what I remember nothing was done. Sad really. But I also love how there’s some other people out their with their own Klopeks!

Apologies for derailing op, that’s all from me!

weirdoboelady · 17/10/2025 11:26

There was a case in the papers yesterday where parents had kept their DD indoors, in one room, for .... ummm about 17 years IIRC. No one had reported it. It's important to have people like the OP (and we all have a responsibility) who mention to somebody if a neighbour suddenly disappears.

IPutASpellOnYou · 16/10/2025 21:07

Did you report in the end op, I hope Gentle is ok too.

LemonJellyLegs · 15/10/2025 23:14

MoodyMargaret11 · 08/10/2025 22:53

It's not "next door neighbour", NDN stands for Not Dear Neighbour 🤣 easily confused though.
Any ND on mumsnet usually means 'not dear-' someone.

Show quote history

It is next door neighbour 🙄🙄🙄

daddysgirlnot · 15/10/2025 22:59

curiouslycautious · 11/10/2025 16:40

Sadly so many well-meaning threads on MN, end up with an OP pile on. Sometimes MN is a showcase of the angriest people on the internet.

I agree with you. She’s done the right thing. I’m really hoping Gentle is ok

Moonlightdust · 15/10/2025 19:53

notanoccultexpert · 08/10/2025 17:02

They are not 'vulnerable', especially not the remaining brother. Nobody was 'staring in the distance', don't know where you got that from. His silence wasn't seizures.

But please, do carry on making shit up.

I'd also like you to tell me where I was unkind?

Was it pointing out that he splashed bleach on a car? Argued with the woman next door? Made me feel super uncomfortable while talking about dominating people? Shouting at my young son? His brother having to 'hold him back' whhile I was talking to him?

Or was it the bit where I talked of how I was worried about his brother?

Which particular bit was unkind?

Please, do tell me...also, I've addressed the 'judgemental' thing....EVERYONE judges people. If you claim not to do so, you're a liar. I judged, pretty early on, this was not a man I felt comfortable with.

Show quote history

OP ignore the goaders. They have nothing better to do than pick apart Posters’ threads and find anything to jump on.
I hope you find out what happened to ‘Gentle’.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/10/2025 18:10

@JFDIYOLO

OP reported it last Tuesday and hasn’t posted here since last Wednesday.

JFDIYOLO · 12/10/2025 13:54

Op - please stop letting yourself be wrangled and riled up by people who haven't read your posts properly, are getting het up over things you never actually wrote and distracted by choice of vocab.

The point is - you're worried about your potentially vulnerable neighbours' welfare.

Make your report to the police, step away - and let them do whatever they'll do.

If something really has happened - they'll deal with it.

If all's well - that's good.

Just tell them. It's part of their job.

https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/concern-for-welfare/concern-welfare/

PandorasJam · 11/10/2025 22:19

I still want to know why neurodiverse people often get fixated on sheds.

Summertoautumnovernight · 11/10/2025 18:49

This thread is absolutely crazy . OP you did the right thing

ApplesCrumbleButtons · 11/10/2025 17:38

I'm curious as to whether you think he's murdered the brother, or also other family members. You can request copies of death certificates publicly, if you were so inclined. When I write that out though it starts to sound batshit and think it's one to leave with police. It sounds to me like the most plausible explanation is the brother is very ill - but are they getting medical support?

BlackStrayCat · 11/10/2025 17:25

As usual, a couple of posters bang on and on and derail the thread. Talking shit and making shit up.

GustavMunchkin · 11/10/2025 17:08

PocketSand · 11/10/2025 16:51

The OP does not have knowledge of the family or any diagnoses they may have. She is also not qualified to diagnose learning difficulties or conditions like autism. She clearly has no knowledge of how these conditions may present.

Therefore she made judgements made on her own ill informed observations based on physical characteristics and ‘normal’ social interaction.

The fact that she never claimed the family is vulnerable or that any members have LD or ND is meaningless.

Her description of the man she calls Hulk could be a description of a man with autism and poor social skills and impulse control given his history of never having worked and living with parents as an adult. But her juxtapositioning with his brother - who may also be autistic given his history of never having worked and living with parents as an adult but with a different profile which means he has better impulse control and social skills - labels the former as a potential murderer.

There is no evidence to suggest the bulky man in his late 50s with poor social skills and impulse control and lived with his parents until they died and has never worked is aggressive or controlling or a murderer rather than vulnerable.

With no knowledge or evidence it is sad that neighbours and PP are so willing to brand him and start nasty rumours whilst professing care as to the well being of his brother.

Absolutely this. Well said.

PocketSand · 11/10/2025 16:51

The OP does not have knowledge of the family or any diagnoses they may have. She is also not qualified to diagnose learning difficulties or conditions like autism. She clearly has no knowledge of how these conditions may present.

Therefore she made judgements made on her own ill informed observations based on physical characteristics and ‘normal’ social interaction.

The fact that she never claimed the family is vulnerable or that any members have LD or ND is meaningless.

Her description of the man she calls Hulk could be a description of a man with autism and poor social skills and impulse control given his history of never having worked and living with parents as an adult. But her juxtapositioning with his brother - who may also be autistic given his history of never having worked and living with parents as an adult but with a different profile which means he has better impulse control and social skills - labels the former as a potential murderer.

There is no evidence to suggest the bulky man in his late 50s with poor social skills and impulse control and lived with his parents until they died and has never worked is aggressive or controlling or a murderer rather than vulnerable.

With no knowledge or evidence it is sad that neighbours and PP are so willing to brand him and start nasty rumours whilst professing care as to the well being of his brother.

curiouslycautious · 11/10/2025 16:40

Sadly so many well-meaning threads on MN, end up with an OP pile on. Sometimes MN is a showcase of the angriest people on the internet.

PlanetMa · 11/10/2025 15:03

Moonlightdust · 11/10/2025 12:54

Very well written. I backed up the OP too and mentioned the man being vulnerable (not for reasons others have fabricated!) but due to signs of coercive control from the brother.
I hope the OP will return if she gets un update from the Police, although I am unsure if they would inform the neighbour of the outcome of the welfare check?

Show quote history

I agree. OP sounded like a nice person who is genuinely concerned about this man. I don’t think the police would inform her about the outcome, but knowing the police intend to check on him may put her mind at rest a little. We need more people to actually care enough to report such things especially when it involves someone who seems vulnerable, or children.

PlanetMa · 11/10/2025 14:59

GustavMunchkin · 11/10/2025 09:44

@PlanetMayou clearly cannot see the link between what the OP said & described about her neighbours’ behaviour & the fact & it is a fact, that some (not all) other posters agreed a welfare check would be advisable b’cos they could be vulnerable & have a learning disability or possible ND.

Inferences they made based on her descriptions of their behaviour & how that reads.

It wasn’t as you seem to want to think, people thought her title contained letters NDN & misunderstood them to mean NeuroDiversity or a Neuro Developmental condition.

I’m not going to read the thread for you but literally by page 2 these inferences start coming.

So no, the OP never stated it & I’ve already acknowledged that. More than once. But she highly implied it.

And ultimately apologised for it. Ok? Got it now?

Posters misunderstanding commonly used acronyms and assuming they mean something else rather than asking for clarification, or posters interpreting the OP’s comments to mean something she didn’t actually say, is not the OP’s fault.

GustavMunchkin · 11/10/2025 13:03

Like I said opinions will differ on a forum. Peace out ✌️

Moonlightdust · 11/10/2025 12:54

PlanetMa · 11/10/2025 00:20

Posters agreed a welfare check was advisable because of bizarre and creepy and quite intimidating behaviour from one man, and a man who lived with him suddenly disappearing when he was frequently seen in his garden or in public previously, and the fact that the second man hasn’t now been seen in months. At the same time the first man with the very bizarre and intimidating behaviour has concreted over part of his garden and erected a shed (when he already had two others) which apparently he is never seen using for any purpose at all.

At no point in her description to the OP mention learning disabilities or imply that these people have learning disabilities. Please quote the posts where you think she did so if you still wish to claim that she did.

You have fabricated these things and pretended they were implied by her description due to your own prejudices and stereotypes. All she described was a really weird man behaving in an unhinged manner, and another man who lived with him - who seemed quite private but kind and gentle - having suddenly vanished and that she is concerned about him. If you decided this meant they had learning difficulties then that is entirely your own prejudices manifesting themselves. There may be myriad reasons for this which have nothing to do with learning disabilities so it’s a very odd assumption to make without any evidence of this. I’d argue such an assumption is actually ableist on your part.

“Nuance” doesn’t mean “inventing things that other people haven’t said, then having a go at them pretending that they’ve said the things you invented in your own head”.

Edited
Show quote history

Very well written. I backed up the OP too and mentioned the man being vulnerable (not for reasons others have fabricated!) but due to signs of coercive control from the brother.
I hope the OP will return if she gets un update from the Police, although I am unsure if they would inform the neighbour of the outcome of the welfare check?

curiouslycautious · 11/10/2025 12:34

Requesting a welfare check was definitely the right thing to do OP. When you live next door to someone so long, of course you notice their habits and who they hang out with. That doesn’t make you nosy or judgemental.

I’m on ‘distantly friendly’ terms with my neighbours but I know (without snooping on them) that they leave for work roughly the same time we do, that their daughter visits every Friday night and arrives around 6pm, that most weekends they order a pizza etc. I’m not sitting there with binoculars and a notepad - you just notice the routines of the people you live in close proximity to.

However, I’ll add that it’s also easy to build up a hypothesis in your head and then everything you see seems to confirm that. During lockdown, one my neighbours started getting a series of men turning up to the door most days. In our minds (probably because we were bored during lockdown) we decided she was supplementing her furlough income with sex work. I doubt very much it was true (very over active imagination!) but everything we saw seemed to ‘confirm’ it. 😂

Still, if you’ve not seen this neighbour for about a year, you’ve definitely done the right thing.

SorcererGaheris · 11/10/2025 12:11

GustavMunchkin · 11/10/2025 12:07

@SorcererGaheris ok well vive la différence.
As I said done did, some didn’t. It was still a factor in her overall vote.

@GustavMunchkin

Of course it was a factor, I just don't think it's fair to blame the OP so much for that.

Fair enough if you think she made a lapse in judgement in not clarifying her own position (that she sees no evidence of disability) earlier. But it seems unjust to put the way the thread has gone on her shoulders so much, as some people seem to be doing. People are responsible for their own misinterpretations.

GustavMunchkin · 11/10/2025 12:07

@SorcererGaheris ok well vive la différence.
As I said done did, some didn’t. It was still a factor in her overall vote.

Swipe left for the next trending thread