DD’s dad’s partner at my child’s autism assessment

madness. Op hasn't given any examples of the wife doing anything untoward to her.
Why would she wreck an amicable relationship with her DDs father and interrupt her childs life because of petty jealousy.

Not that she'd be able to change custody without court and a reason other than she thinks this woman doesn't like her. This a real child not a doll to be fought over to stick it to another woman.

Was the 6 month old doing overnights?

I didn't say the other woman, I said some other woman, as in another woman. I raise my own child, no pity needed.

I said step mum met her dad at 6 months old ?

The thing is OP, you haven’t chosen a nuclear family or a straight forward path as you’ve had two kids with different men and you’re now in a long engagement with a third who doesn’t seem very involved with your kids. You weren’t even dating the younger one’s dad, who knows about the older one’s. You’ve made a series of choices which have consequences, like not being able to control the people your children’s fathers end up with.

The dad in question here has a stable family set up, he’s married and has been for most of DD’s life, his wife is an involved, invested, committed, loving parent to DD, they’re having a baby. These are all positive things for DD. By all means resent that and continue to fight it but you’ll damage your own relationship with her, and that too will have consequences.

No need.

You left a 6 month old to be looked after by someone else?

Are you OK?? She wasn't the other woman, we were split ages before they got together. As she lived with my son's dad my son was around her a lot. She will still pick him up from school and take him out for tea etc as she loves him a lot as he does her.

Her and I are friends now and I'm secure enough in my parenting to know no one would replace me as my child's mum. Obviously that isn't the case for you and I'm so sorry for you.

My eldest DD has a step mum.
step mum met her dad when she was 6 months old.
they went on to get married and have a child. Daughter stayed with them every other weekend
one night in the week and half of all holidays.
when DD was 9 her dad died. That was now 3 years ago and DD still stays with her step mum and sibling at least one weekend a month sometimes 2 and when ever she wants in the holidays. I was never jealous or insecure about her as I was confident in my parent abilities.
we are now very good friends after going through similar things leaving us both single mums ( both have additional children ) she needs a baby sitter I do it. All the kids get on well and I just accepted at the every beginning that she was going to be a part to my DDs life and so glad she is now.

I know it sounds unkind but holy shit I wouldn't be okay with this happening. But if the OP isn't doing it it's good some other woman is.

Your DD lives with her stepmum 50% of the time, of course she wants to be involved. I think there is some jealousy around the relationship that your daughter has with her stepmum. You need to remind yourself that it is better for your DD if they have a positive relationship.

She has a point. You don’t seem able to prioritise your child’s needs over your own.

Some other woman came along to your child's parent's evenings?! And you allowed that...

Hopefully the OP reads your posts and keeps in mind this is where she's headed if she continues to let someone else raise her kid.

Can only assume you are being deliberately obtuse - it is perfectly reasonable that someone actively involved in looking after a child may have valuable input at such a meeting

Why would you try and alienate his wife who is looking after your child and cares enough to want to be involved?!

It amazes me how jealous some women are and will jeopardise the welfare of their child just to be spiteful to their child’s stepmother.

You so t have to be best friends with the woman but you should embrace the fact she cares about and for your child.

How is she making out you're a bad mum?

My son's dad and his ex were together for around 6 years. We do 50/50 shared care so obviously she's a big part of our son's life. I was a little wary of her at first just because of my own insecurities tbh! But as we got to know each other we got along great and my son absolutely loves her. We all went to parents evenings etc together and I found her input very helpful.

They're split now as he cheated on her as he did me but that's another story! Her and I still speak regularly and my son still has a great relationship with her which I facilitate.

The way I see it is, the more people in my children's lives to love them and be there for them, the better!

You should be happy that she has a caring and involved step mother.

she's his wife? Maybe they want your daughter feel like she's included and part of the family, rather than a spare part from dad? especially with a sibling on the way.

DD knows you are her mother, this woman is not a threat to you.

Assuming you have a secure home, why do you send your child to be cared for by some woman you feel doesn't like you for half of the time? You have no idea how she's raising your child. Imo children are generally better off with their Mothers. If she doesn't like you she'll brainwash your child into not liking you by building up this negative impression of you to your child over years (even if it's not true and she doesn't have anything of substance to say). Then the child will get older, stop talking to you and move in with them. I've seen it happen more than once. On one hand it's great she's taken on this helpful role but it can't really be considered overstepping if the child has needs and you're not meeting them/dumping the child on other people.

My partner went with me to my kids’ sports days, competitions, spent Christmas and birthdays with us, etc. He took my kids out for driving lessons, took us to GP and dental appointments, etc. Along with their dad and his partner, he is an active participant in our family. He never made things more difficult for the children - he made it easier. That’s what a good partner does. You should be pleased this woman is actively caring for your daughter - it is her stepchild and soon your DD will have a new brother or sister.

Unfortunetly I do agree. It's really really selfish and no doubt must be making the child feel incredible uncomfortable.

Be careful OP, your going to create your own reality if you don't stop. Clearly your jealous and feel replaced as such..... if you carry on making your child feel uncomfortable and being bitter/argumentative around her your literally going to push her into the arms of the woman your tryinf to keep her away from 🤦‍♀️

Inserted herself!? @Desperatelyed wtf! She’s doing a lot of the work in logistics for your dd, so of course she’s (a) built a relationship with her SD, but also (b) why shouldn’t she get to have some of the enjoyment of events like sports day etc, if she wants to attend?

I dare say DD wants her there, it’s not a competition love, relax and allow it. You’re causing problems where there needn’t be.

Sadly, I think this is a fair assessment.

Your method of parenting at home where your present DP doesn’t involve himself is literally a breeding ground for resentment.

If you’re behaving like this you are a shit mum.

Why should your DD miss out on support and love because you don't like it?

You havnt given any examples of how she makes out like your a shit mum. Do you think she's better than you?