Murder

That reminds me of that Army officer who tried to murder his wife by sabotaging her parachute, having failed to bump her off with a damaged gas pipe in their house.

He was pretty rubbish at murder but that woman had more lives than a cat.

That’s horrendous ! How did the letter survive the chipper 🫣

hmmmm I'm not sure I have enough energy to dispose of the corpse afterwards lol
Can I not just put a spell on them to vanish to an unoccupied island for 1000 years? So much easier and less messy :)

But the 90% solve rate suggests that all murders are identified as such. I bet there are plenty of accidents/suicides that are really unrecognised murders…

No, I live in London, there's CCTV everywhere, I would never be able to dispose of a body.

But I also wouldn't want to get away with murder. If I was to cause someone's death, I'd go to the police station right away, I'd rather go to jail than being on the run.

Many years ago there was a man known as the shoe rapist. He was convicted many years later after his twin was charged with a minor offence and had to give a dna sample. Up until that point he had no criminal record.

This thread has given me a few more ideas...

Publicly (or on Social Media) get involved in a charity head shave so there's an excuse for being bare headed to leave no hairs behind.

Plant evidence of an enemy or just a random person

Please note... I have no desires in real life. I plan crime novels in my head for distraction on long drives!

No. Not today with current forensics. I wouldn't know what to do with a body and I'm not strong enough to dig a grave. Besides, there's no one I would like to actually murder. There are people I don't like, but I wouldn't go to that extreme.

I am now thinking up an ITV series based on women who connected over a MN thread and go on to murder significant persons in their lives …

He gave that saucy strumpet Miss Smith the first prize rosette in the fruit cake competition <purses lips> from that moment his goose was cooked!

Great thread! I agree it’s a little harder these days due to technology. We are all caught on cctv pretty much wherever we go - so if you managed to avoid the cameras somehow, it might be equally suspicious that you weren’t seen on camera elsewhere to corroborate an alibi! In fact, it would be very hard to get an alibi unless you can find a way of disguising the time of death. Alternatively, you’d have to make sure the body was never found. That way a time of death couldn’t be established, making it much easier for you to claim to be visiting person x or whatever!

Dyeing my hair convinced me I would never get away with it.

It's sobering how absolutely meticulous you can be - and I mean totally obsessively planned out - with drop cloths, hand towels and everything set up. Super careful and have everything covered.

But there is always a splash, handprint or smear somewhere! every damn time!

It showed me that forensics would always get me in the end.

You can use a coffee grinder to grind spices for curry so that might be another method.

Miss Marple would be onto you in a flash. She'd notice that you said you were at the church social when you couldn't have been because the vicar's wife had asked you to fetch the hand-sewn cossacks and then it would be all up with you! You murdering hag. What did Colonel Bagshot do to you, eh?

There is a digital record of every move you make

Bit of an exaggeration there @Gallowayan e.g what I said earlier about going to an internet cafe.

Perfect, as you could serve them the coffee with it in and noone might know!! You could even argue that the glass must have been accidentally in the coffee beans (not uncommon to have foreign objects in food items) and sue them to get a payout!!

Me too! I like to think I just don't have murder in me... but if I HAD to, I'd go the 'dotty old lady' defence - 'I thought he/she was attacking me!' Being over 60 has its advantages...

In reality, although I'm over 60 I'm a lot fitter and faster than most people, and I'd just run away.

Well, the police said that this guy would have gotten away with it if he had just left the country instead of trying to dispose of the bodies:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cy9xr81vq3zt

That would be my worry. I'd commit the perfect murder and get away with it. But in 20 years or so, unimaginable tech would be invented which would lead the police straight to me. Worrying!

Fuck no! I look guilty as sin all the time. Despite having never committed a crime. I get pulled over at the airport every single time! But I wouldn't want or need to murder someone anyway. Unless they were trying to murder me and then it would be manslaughter but also self defence. I'd rather just try and run away!

Oh gosh I have nightmares all the time about covering my tracks after a murder and every time I make some kind of error. Then I wake up in a sweat with a pounding heart and have to calm down and remember that I haven’t killed anyone and it’s all fine. But I end up in a right tizz that can last ages.

Clearly in my subconscious I am murdering a lot of people.

Unlikely. Decades’ old murders are increasingly being solved.

Nah.

Coffee grinder.

Finely ground glass, when ingested, is supposed to be undetectable isn't it?

Put it in a sandwich ?

Although i wouldn't know how to go about grinding glass .... decent pestle and mortar, gloves, goggles and a lot of patience i guess?

I have a couple of relatives who are / were in the police. They say they only catch people because criminals are thick.

A few years ago when VHS was still a think my cousin went out to a woman whose TV and VHS player had been stolen, and then she added the detail that they had also taken a wheelie bin.

So my cousin looked out the window at the snow. He then followed the tracks of the wheelie bin to where it had been taken. It must have been one of the quickest arrests ever.