To refuse to consider living where DH wants to

YABU to not consider his preference. He might not want to live so close to your friends and family.

My guess is that the hobby is a sport (football, rugby etc) where there is a strong community element. Maybe you would enjoy this as well? Not all men's hobbies have to leave the wife "holding the baby" while they are away on their jollies. You could make new friends in a new area.

Is there an in between option where houses are slightly cheaper. I cannot imagine a world where I would move for my own hobby let alone someone else’s. I’m not sure how often he does this hobby but this is all time when he would be removed from family time meaning you may be doing more childcare alone so would be better off living nearer to your friends and family.

An hour round trip is nothing for an outing or visit.

20-25 minute drive from work and family is a very short distance. If house prices are more affordable in the area your DH has chosen and the schools are good then I’d move. He probably also feels overwhelmed being so close to your family and friends.

I would not move closer to his hobby. Is he hoping to do this hobby a lot? He has a family and what I presume are young children. He should be present for them. I would go for what is convenience. You can always consider the move further afield when your kids are late teens and autonomous. What I would do though is forge friendships so he doesn’t feel your lives revolve around your family.

I can see how this will pan out. OP will be left with all the child-wrangling etc (after all, she has her heart's desire of family to help her). Meanwhile DH will be physically (and mentally) elsewhere with his hobby/friends for hours on end, losing track of time.
Is that what you want, OP? To be a hobby-widow.

For me it would depend on what the plan is for the DC before and after school. Will you be relying on childcare from family then? If so, I think there is more reason to live close to them. You can't expect people to travel an hour a day to pick up your DC when it's a favour.

I'd also look into activities etc for everyone. You all have hobbies. Why should his take precedence?

If he has already moved to your home town, I would be wanting to support his efforts building friendships.

That said you are close to a good school and work close by with people that can help, that’s very valuable, and I wouldn’t want to give that up op.

Invite his hobby group over for dinner, make an effort and research other areas nearby so a compromise is possible in the future. However I think you are right to acknowledge the benefits of staying. Especially with young children when you are both working.

Everyone saying 25-30 mins isn’t far - that’s only one way!!! It’s an hours round trip and will be more in rush hour or holiday times etc! Waste of time and petril traipsing back and forwards and you can guarantee friends and family will think a 1 hour round trip to go see you is a pan in the arse and you will have to drive them more as you moved away

Although it is unreasonable not to even consider his choice, school and daily life convenience would take priority for me. Everyday life happens more often than a hobby (in theory) so is more important.

For me it’s the fact you both still work in the town centre. What is rush hour traffic like?

You will have to do school drop offs, and still get to work 25 minutes away. As you get more senior in your careers, there may be more to go in for. You personally are more at risk of giving up your job if it takes you half an hour to pick up a sick child or to make it back for after school club, and you don’t have any additional flexibility to give.

My guess is sailing.

How old are your children?
For how much longer will they be using the school?
I would make sure that the children have a great school.

Otherwise, I find 25 minutes to be extremely close.
Compromise. Find a house you love, near enough to the hobbies and easy enough to drive to a great school.
Start looking in earnest.
A certain house and street scape and nearby parks might sway either of you. Don't be closed minded.

20-25 minutes to get to family is nothing. Getting more house, more space, or a desired lifestyle can definitely be worth such a short drive.

ultimately though, the best school always wins. If the school isn’t excellent, I would not even bother looking at houses.

Maybe he's joined a cult? 😄

What hobby demands you all live together in the same area!

I think he's being unreasonable. Good schools for your children are much more important than him being a bit closer to his hobby!

20-25 minutes is nothing. That's no basis to consider changing anything. Other factors are more important.

I don't think it's ever reasonable in marriage to refuse to consider what the other person wants.
Sounds like he's already given a lot, in moving to your home town. 25 minutes really isn't much, so you can be near both your friends and family, and his community he has through his hobby. I think you need to look at schools in both areas, and homes to see what suits everyone in your family, but you need to both consider each other.

A mystery hobby that needs a "community" living in a certain inconvenient place.

Another "mystery hobby" thread.

His argument of it’s your home town so he gets to choose the area is compelling. However, the schools issue was win it for me.

When we moved to my home town, my husband had an immediate area preference that was my absolute last resort kind of area. I made clear we would have to find a compromise and we ended up in a third area (20-25 mins from my parents - ideal for me) and in the best secondary catchment in the town

You're obviously being unreasonable to not even consider it.

How much do you actually know about the various schools? Have you looked at Ofsted reports and results? Looked round the schools? Spoken to current parents? Checked the catchment areas? If you've done all that research fair enough. If you haven't then you need to as part of your consideration of DH's request.

Have you looked at houses in both areas to see what you can get in terms of space/outside space/condition for your budget? Have you compared the mortgage costs of living here you v where DH wants to be?

Have you done the drive at various times of the day to see what it would be like in reality? Have you thought logistically about how you could make it work? For example, could you drop your DC off to your parents on the way to work if you're using them for childcare? Could you do the same on a night out, if you're coming into town anyway, drop your DC off on the way maybe?

When you've properly considered everything you have every right to tell DH you don't think it will work. Failing to properly consider is really unreasonable.

20-25 minutes drive to either hobby or family is nothing. I wouldn't even really consider that a factor when buying to be honest. And schools can change really quick so I wouldn't count on it being the same standard when your DC is starting school. I think you should both have a more open mind.

Schools can change. "Good" schools can become failing ones overnight. Also you may find your toddler thrives in a different school, just because they're goid, it doesnt always mean they're the best for your child, in my experience.

I think not even considering your partners perspective is kind of shitty. Imagine if he wouldn't entertain yours. You should at least look.