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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

397 replies

FartyPants9 · 06/10/2025 23:44

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 13:12

Meandmyguy · 07/10/2025 10:30

Why, why can't these be the type of problems I have.

You can have OP's other problems if you like, e.g. a mother that beat her with a riding crop when she was 13.

asrl78 · 07/10/2025 13:02

I would say YABU if you were genuinely annoyed rather than mildly irritated, but having played bridge at clubs where the most vocal women who think 24C is cold always get their way and I have to sweat buckets in summer because no-one will open a window or turn the AC on, I'm used to this sort of thing.

If it were me with cold feet, I would put more footwear on because that is the most logical solution. Turning the heating on, it will take time for anyone to feel the benefit, even more so when it is just exposed limbs that are cold, so covering the cold limb is far more likely to provide comfort the fastest, but people don't always think and prefer the solution that feels best, not the one that is best.

Pricelessadvice · 07/10/2025 12:56

ErrolTheDragon · 07/10/2025 12:38

Good for you.
maybe you didn’t have a mother who beat you with a riding crop though. Maybe that would alter your reaction to conflict.

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Nope, just a garden cane. 80s baby, such was life.

Pricelessadvice · 07/10/2025 12:54

OnePlumQuail · 07/10/2025 12:50

🤣🤣🤣

Always one 🙄

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Yes, thank god there’s the odd one of us ND people out there who aren’t complete drama lamas and do try to respond in a reasonable fashion to things we find uncomfortable.
What an arse I am!

OnePlumQuail · 07/10/2025 12:50

Pricelessadvice · 07/10/2025 12:31

I have autism and dislike loud noises, but I wouldn’t have ‘fled’. I’d have calmly walked.

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🤣🤣🤣

Always one 🙄

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/10/2025 12:39

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2025 00:57

Did you give her the heated boots ?

She obv the room to put the heating on

running to the kitchen is a bit ott with raised voices

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I think its fair enough to run to the kitchen to escape the shouting. I had some shouting relatives and I'd do anything to escape having to listen to it, especially as OP would also be in the firing line and they'd soon start shouting at her too.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/10/2025 12:38

Pricelessadvice · 07/10/2025 12:31

I have autism and dislike loud noises, but I wouldn’t have ‘fled’. I’d have calmly walked.

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Good for you.
maybe you didn’t have a mother who beat you with a riding crop though. Maybe that would alter your reaction to conflict.

Pricelessadvice · 07/10/2025 12:31

Honeybunny75 · 07/10/2025 11:56

Did you miss the autism part
It's a disability
It makes life difficult for us
Sometimes we don't respond in the way a neurotypical person would

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I have autism and dislike loud noises, but I wouldn’t have ‘fled’. I’d have calmly walked.

KoalaKoKo · 07/10/2025 12:29

Your mum sounds narcissistic and is a child abuser. I know a good few people with ADHD (likely my own mum) it can make people impulsive and also over react to things but beating up a kid is her own choice.

I wouldn’t let her stay, I know it is hard to do that but she only cares about herself. I wouldn’t let strongly suggest speaking to a councillor and getting help dealing with her and your past trauma. You should not have been treated that way and she has no right to yell or abuse people.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/10/2025 12:28

Greenmouldycheese · 07/10/2025 12:18

Some people don't like to wear socks or layers. They like to be comfortable and that often includes putting rhe heating on. I'm always shocked to find so many people on here refuse to put their heating on until November or December.

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But if everyone else in the house is warm enough, then the preference of the person with cold feet doesn’t trump everyone else’s comfort.

Theres no indication the OPs mother won’t in general wear something on her feet, unlikely the OP would have bought her warm booties if that was the case.

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/10/2025 12:28

Shosanna · 07/10/2025 12:19

Exactly my thoughts

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No need for comments like this - op is autistic.

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/10/2025 12:28

Waterbaby41 · 07/10/2025 11:15

'Fled into the kitchen' 😂😂 What a drama queen!

You clearly missed the part where OP is autistic, or are you just trying to be nasty?

Shosanna · 07/10/2025 12:19

Waterbaby41 · 07/10/2025 11:15

'Fled into the kitchen' 😂😂 What a drama queen!

Exactly my thoughts

Greenmouldycheese · 07/10/2025 12:18

JudgeJ · 07/10/2025 11:41

Why 'should' it always be on? Mine hasn't been on yet but if my feet are cold I put on a pair of socks or even find my slippers.

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Some people don't like to wear socks or layers. They like to be comfortable and that often includes putting rhe heating on. I'm always shocked to find so many people on here refuse to put their heating on until November or December.

SapphireSeptember · 07/10/2025 12:03

Some people need to RTFT! Or just OPs posts! 🤦🏻‍♀️

sandyhappypeople · 07/10/2025 11:57

ErrolTheDragon · 07/10/2025 11:16

What putting the heating on has to do with the dad is that neither he nor the OP, whose house it is, wanted it on.

to be sure the parents relationship is toxic but in this particular incident the mother seems far more unreasonable.

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So his say goes then?! You think that is okay? Her mum should be cold, because her dad didn't want it on and OP doesn't care if a guest in her house is cold or not.

He didn't want it on, so it's not going on.

Gotcha.

Honeybunny75 · 07/10/2025 11:56

Pricelessadvice · 07/10/2025 07:09

You fled to the kitchen? Your dad shouted at your mum for putting the heating on? Your mum wanted the heating on coz her feet were cold?
FGS. What a bunch of drama queens.

Did you miss the autism part
It's a disability
It makes life difficult for us
Sometimes we don't respond in the way a neurotypical person would

LadeOde · 07/10/2025 11:55

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 07/10/2025 10:31

I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable

Oh the drama 😂

You missed -
I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

OP must have a country mansion. I imagine them fleeing from one end of the estate to another, which inhabits the kitchen, a natural refuge..tiles, tea and a door that closes.

Fanacapan · 07/10/2025 11:54

Libellousness · 06/10/2025 23:45

You can just be annoyed at people when they do things you find annoying. Not everything needs an AIBU post.

This is one of the best responses I’ve read on here!

CharlotteCChapel · 07/10/2025 11:52

Im sitting here with cold feet. I find socks do t make that much of oa difference. I've spent my life having cold feet from September to March. DH wont have the heating on until the end of October because he's always too hot.

She'll need to woman up and put up with it if everyone else is comfortable.

LadeOde · 07/10/2025 11:48

FartyPants9 · 06/10/2025 23:53

My father is also a guest and he didn't want the heating on, why should one guest take priority over the other?

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The irony of what you said, completely over your head.

JudgeJ · 07/10/2025 11:41

Greenmouldycheese · 06/10/2025 23:47

She was cold. It's October so the heating should be on anyways.

Why 'should' it always be on? Mine hasn't been on yet but if my feet are cold I put on a pair of socks or even find my slippers.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/10/2025 11:16

sandyhappypeople · 07/10/2025 11:10

I don't feel sorry for the mum but If you read through OPs posts, her dad openly criticises her mum in front of anyone who is there for the slightest thing, putting the heating on, buying the 'wrong' type of yoghurt when no others are available, which normally leads to her mum over reacting, then they both scream at each other and have a massive fallout.

Why would her dad be criticising her mum at all? What the fuck has it got to do with him if she put the heating on or not when it's not even their house, it's not his place to belittle her over it, she shouldn't be calling him names, he shouldn't be criticising and shouting at her.. they both sounds thoroughly horrible people who hate each other to be fair, it takes two people to escalate to a full on screaming match and to do it in their daughters house is disgusting behaviour from both of them.

She was cold, nothing was offered so she put the heating on.. it shouldn't have warranted the response she got or the fallout that ensued that's for sure.

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What putting the heating on has to do with the dad is that neither he nor the OP, whose house it is, wanted it on.

to be sure the parents relationship is toxic but in this particular incident the mother seems far more unreasonable.

Waterbaby41 · 07/10/2025 11:15

'Fled into the kitchen' 😂😂 What a drama queen!

HeyThereDelila · 07/10/2025 11:11

Having read your updates I don’t understand why you still see her, much less have her in your house. She’s an abuser. Stop inviting her over and reduce the time you spend with her.