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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not wanting my partner’s hobby to take over our family life?

161 replies

minnieot · 06/10/2025 22:21

Hi all,

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel like I’m losing my mind over this situation.

My boyfriend of 7 years, and the father of my 12 month old baby, is obsessed with politics. He’s always been into it but was not actively involved in it until this past year. It’s become completely all consuming. He’s taken on multiple voluntary roles within a political party, spends most evenings messaging political groups or on calls, and goes to events and conferences whenever he can. (Currently attending a four day conference in Manchester whilst I’m alone with the baby who is currently full of cold and so am I, and I’m still working.)

It’s reached the point where I feel like he’s living two separate lives, like he wants to live as if he’s single and childfree in this world where me and our son are not part of. He insists it’ll “pay off” one day and that he’ll “scale it back eventually,” “it’s conference season, it won’t always be this busy” or whatever, but it’s been a year of this and nothing has changed apart from small periods of things seeming promising, only for him to go right back to it.

A lot of it is also very social where he’ll go out for drinks and a “catch up” with people but not let me know actually where he is or who he’s with, not answer his phone and then he’ll stumble through the door late at night, even early hours in the morning on a couple of occasions.

He seems to think that I’m being controlling for not wanting politics to dominate his life, and for expecting to be updated on his whereabouts when he’s out drinking, but it’s not like I want him to give up his hobby, I just want balance. I feel like he’s choosing that world over the family we’ve built together, and it’s breaking my heart.

I just can’t stop wondering why he can put so much time and energy into this but none into me or his son.

AIBU for saying that I can’t live like this anymore and that he can’t have both? Or is he right, and it’s controlling and toxic of me to expect him to limit his hobby and keep me updated on what he’s doing etc etc

OP posts:
CuckooPond · 06/10/2025 22:33

When he says ‘it’ll pay off’, does he mean he plans to stand as a Tory MP?

I don’t think describing it as a ‘hobby’ is a suitable term then. It’s more like a progressive disease.

RaininSummer · 06/10/2025 22:31

People who are into politics at an activist type level do tend to spend most of their time involved with it and with their fellow party members. I think it will cause a big rift between you if he doesn't dial it back and you don't get to know these new friends too and share their opinions.

AlastheDaffodils · 06/10/2025 22:31

I think you’re being a bit dismissive with the word “hobby.” It sounds like he’s trying to become an elected politician. That’s always going to be hard and time consuming.

The bad news is if he does he elected it will be even worse.

Original poster
minnieot · 06/10/2025 22:28

@BlueandPinkSwanI don’t see a future with THIS man, to be honest, but my heart is still holding onto my high school sweetheart who I thought I would spend my life with. I’ve been thinking the exact same thing about politics being like the OW, I feel as though I’m being cheated on, just not with a human being

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/10/2025 22:27

Incredible these men who suddenly discover an all consuming interest in something - whether it be politics, cycling, golf, whatever - as soon as a baby comes along.

ChaliceinWonderland · 06/10/2025 22:27

Oh no this won't bode well. He needs to step up and be a dad. He sounds obsessed and, acting like he is single?
Step back and grey rock him. Stop washing cooking etc for him.
Do your life exactly as you wish, slowly block him out. He will notice, or not..if its the latter, you have your answer.

Original poster
minnieot · 06/10/2025 22:26

Just to add, I do not share his political views, he did not support the Conservative Party when I first met him, and I would absolutely never support them. Again, that only came in the last year

OP posts:
BlueandPinkSwan · 06/10/2025 22:25

It doesn't sound as if he is that inrested in family life. The OW is not a person but he sounds obsessed all the same.
Do you really see your future with this man? The timing is odd, a year old baby and his interest in politics has suddenly off since then...cynic here.

1457bloom · 06/10/2025 22:25

Why doesn’t he become an MP, then he can get paid for his hobby.

TheTwitcher11 · 06/10/2025 22:25

Book a break away for 4 days tell him you’re leaving him with the baby and see what his reaction is

FrodoBiggins · 06/10/2025 22:24

I would be disappointed if my DH spent 4 days at the tory party conference while I was unwell and we had a child to look after, yes.