For not wanting my partner’s hobby to take over our family life?

Maybe he wants to become a politician, it is a sort of all consuming job.

I think going to political conference for 4 days is fine? the baby is 1 not a newborn?

Talk to him about how all in and enthused he is about politics and you'd like the same level of enthusiasm towards parenting. You didn't sign up to be a single mother, so don't accept it.

No, I wouldn't allow my husband's hobby to take over our life, he still has responsibilities at home.

However, I think the most important thing for compatibility is shared values, and someone who is devoted to the Tory Party has values in direct opposition to my own, so that alone would tell me the relationship is no longer viable.

Agreed. People are fleeing the Tories. Reform UK on the other hand…!

Agree with the powerful statement 💯 and think there is an angle of "time and place".

This is the time for prioritising the family you've created and before and later is the time for personal goals which take significant time and resource, especially those that have a strong reliance on family sacrifice.

Why not later? Hobbies and personal time are of course fine and to be encouraged but he isn't doing a fair share at home.

He has checked out of family life using his rather conveniently timed new interest/ obsession.
if you’ve spoken to him about it but nothing changes, I’d be looking at getting legal advice. Sad but You might as well be on your own given his lack of effort/ interest.

Are you sure he's at the Conference? I've been working up there and the whole place is dead, people are leaving the Tory party not joining it.

It sounds like he had a baby when he was too young and is now desperately running from the work involved with his hobby.

Your partner doesn't have a hobby. He has an ambition to play an important role in the political arena. He's currently in the training phase. I can't see it improving - sorry OP.

Someone might vote right wing for one reason alone, because they want more academy Schools.

Wow, how extreme are your views if Conservative policy is such an antithesis?

My dearest friend is a longstanding Conservative. I'm a "bleeding heart" lefty, but really, we're both slightly to one side of centre, agree on many of the issues, but have picked different parties in our attempt to find a best fit.

So as someone whose OH has a very time intensive hobby that has resulted in various discussions over the years about balance my personal thinking is that you guys need to figure out what a fair balance looks like. For us it was Saturdays we rotate a bit so over a month we would aim for each of us has kids alone for a week, we take a child who each for a week so we can do 1:1 stuff, we have a day together. Sundays are a family day vast majority of weeks. 4-6 times a year OH might take a Saturday/Sunday together so he can do a trip away. We each have a fixed evening out and I typically take a second evening once a month. Rest of the time we do things together. Those things might be fun stuff like a day trip or a meal out or mundane stuff like sorting house/garden jobs.
In the end however you do it each of you should end up with a similar amount of solo time to do whatever hobbies or activities you want and you should have a good amount of time reserved as family time where you do stuff together (even if it is a bit mundane or boring). If his interest in politics is taking up so much time it leaves none for you to get solo time or only allows you solo time by there being no family time it’s totally unreasonable. If he can’t see that or he can but doesn’t care as he feels like he’s just more important then you have to decide if you can live with that or not. If you can you plan stuff without him and crack on then carve out what time you can together and enjoy it. If you can’t then look at splitting. It’s rubbish and unfair but if he doesn’t care about the inequities in your relationship then your choices are limited

I guess it could be worse, he could be a labour supporter.

Tell him you’re going back to basics, family values etc, whatever else soundbytes Tory types trot out but don’t really mean and say it involves him doing a lot more basic family shit.

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone whose values were so different to my own. That’s just a fact. OP has actually said similar in her updates.

I just can’t stop wondering why he can put so much time and energy into this but none into me or his son
He wants to indulge himself by obsessing about things that interest, your job is to do all the boring & menial things, make the sacrifices look after the child etc so that he can indulge himself and just think about what he enjoys.

People morph and evolve all the time. This might just be a phase the person is going through and then they may lose interest and pick up some other hobby.

I should add, there is no need to rush into a decision. In fact it is better not to rush while the baby is so young.
Take your time. Let the dust settle. Recover your health and strength. Get things sorted. Check out your financial options. Wait until baby is older (perhaps up to about 2 years old?) then decide if you want to leave him or not.

It could be a great time to get elected: if conditions are right, i.e. in a Tory safe seat, the local MP has defected to Reform, so the Tories need a new candidate. If Reform implodes, or the electorate is more moderate and mainstream that people expect, it could be a relatively easy way to get to be an MP.
Even if your party is in opposition, you still get the MP salary of £93k, plus expenses like travel and running an office. Not a salary to be sniffed at.

These are the minority doing these things. In person, real life interactions, the vitriol from left wing folks at the first hint of cognitive dissonance really puts me off. I was actually left wing myself originally, it was other left wing people who put me off and now I wouldn't want to be associated with the bottom of the barrel types 'all my failures are someone else's fault'. You know the sort.

The way the Tory party's going he could be the next leader...

Has he always been Tory? If that's the case is can see why he feels the need to take action now, and it could actually be important to us all. Realistically the Tories need to do "something" radical if we're to avoid a Reform government.

You're right he needs to find some balance, but I do think it's important ordinary people get involved. There's a quote that goes something like "People often say, with pride, 'I'm not interested in politics.' They might as well say, 'I'm not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future or any future." and I don't think it's ever been more true.

Unfortunately you have chosen to have a baby really young with a manchild.
Not many very young men have any interest in the realities of parenting.
He is using his hobby as a way to avoid you, the baby, parenting and responsibilities.
Time you made realistic plans and ask your family for support.
You can't force him to grow up.

The fact that it is politics is a red herring.
It could be football, or golf, or long-distance cycling.
It could be a paid career such as a junior doctor, a business man, a lawyer, a self-employed sole-trader.
It could be anything that takes him away for hours and days and weeks.

The point is, this relationship is not what you wanted. You wanted equality and a father who was fully involved.
You got a man who has changed beyond all recognition, and who has not turned out to be the father you thought he would be.

The question is - what can you do about it?
Rule out trying to change him or negotiate changes in the relationship. That almost never works. You can't change who people really are.

So you have two options:

1. suck it up and deal with your ongoing anger and resentment
2. leave him

I don't think men mature later than women. That's just a rhetoric to make men less accountable for their actions.

How miserably bigoted 🤷🏻‍♀️
Who knows what someone's unique life experiences are that lead them to vote for (x) political party.

Early to mid twenties means you are both very young indeed.

It's a cliche but we only really reach adulthood in our mid twenties, and men do seem to mature later than women.

While you are settled into 'committed relationship with childhood sweetheart and a baby, sorted' mode, he is only now beginning to look up and out to where the future might be for him.

Be careful - just as he's looking at spreading wings and taking new steps, you're asking him to stop.

You know what your immediate needs are now - his presence and support as new parents in this super difficult time. The sickness has dragged you down further (it will pass).

Right now, he is not seeing, respecting or meeting your needs, and he's putting his wants ahead of your and the baby's needs.

Is there anyone you can confide in - your parents, his parents, sisters, friends? People he might listen to, mates, brothers etc who have children, who did step up and be present?

Time for a cool calm conversation with him, hopefully with backup, about what you expect from him in this partnership.