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Original poster

Boy at school - safeguarding?

65 replies

comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 19:23

There’s a boy at school in reception I got concerned about this afternoon.
I always notice him as he’s always in the playground after school, careering around, always seems to be with different groups. Mixes a lot with kids in other years.
He’s also got a broken foot in a cast. He’s very, very skinny and doesn’t look too healthy although could just be genes. Very pale, anaemic looking.
Today he had a tumble and was in tears because his leg was hurting (the broken foot one). I didn’t see what happened but he was sitting and an older boy, maybe year 3, was trying to comfort him a bit half heartedly. I asked them who was looking after him and he pointed me to someone sitting all the way on the other side of the park, on the grass, with her back to us. But he did it in a bit of a hesitant way.
I went over to her. Asked her if she was with the boy, told her what happened. Clearly a nanny as she was in her 20s and didn't look like him.
I watched what happened next, pretending not to. And there was just something about the way she dealt with it that made me feel weird. It didn’t seem like there was any trust between them, and it didn’t seem like she cared a lot. Next minute he was off on the other side of the park and she was back on the grass on her phone like before.
I feel like finding out who his parents are and saying that I’ve noticed their nanny isn’t actually looking after, or even keeping an eye on, their boy in the playground (it’s a huge playground with multiple areas).
Am I being a busybody?

OP posts:
PurBal · 06/10/2025 21:02

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility

Catwoman8 · 06/10/2025 20:56

You aren't a busybody but I think you are wrong for assuming this younger person cant possibly be the boy's mum, she could easily be early twenties and be his parent.

Being skinny and pale doesn't necessarily mean anything either, nor does the sore foot. Lots of reception age children are skinny and always full of cuts and bruises! Did the boy look scruffy, were there signs of broken shoes or ripped clothing , genuiely looking malnourished and not taken care of? Was there anything to suggest he isn't being cared for properly rather than a few judgements maybe?

Her being glued to her phone is the sad reality of many people too, it saddens me to see parents glued to their phones and not paying any attention to their child, but it happens and parents dont always notice their kids falling over etc.

Good to keep a watchful eye, but I wouldn't discount her being the parent on the age alone .

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:48

muggart · 06/10/2025 20:46

If you were considering reporting this to SS or a school then yes i would say that’s OTT. But mentioning to the parents that the babysitter is a bit crap and keeping a watchful eye on him seems fine.

I do think that you’re being a bit unreasonable to point out that he’s skinny and pale. some people just look like that, and I bet you don’t try to get involved every time you see an overweight child which is also a sign of neglect.

Fair point.
i agree with you on both points.

OP posts:
muggart · 06/10/2025 20:46

If you were considering reporting this to SS or a school then yes i would say that’s OTT. But mentioning to the parents that the babysitter is a bit crap and keeping a watchful eye on him seems fine.

I do think that you’re being a bit unreasonable to point out that he’s skinny and pale. some people just look like that, and I bet you don’t try to get involved every time you see an overweight child which is also a sign of neglect.

AlbionVs · 06/10/2025 20:45

comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:40

Well, I know the three classes in my kids year, the two classes in the school my other child goes to, so that makes 87 + 49 mums = 136 mums, plus 10 or so friends of mine that makes 146, and none of them with a reception age child look like they are under 35… maybe 32 at a push.
But I’m sure you know better than me.

That is a massive sized school!! Based on my area anyway. If your local school is that big it must be a huge area and no possible way you can know there’s no way you can know there’s ’no young mums’. There’s mums in their 20s in our relatively small leafy affluent town. I honestly feel like OP is in some way trying to bash mums younger than her.

CrispsPlease · 06/10/2025 20:44

comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:40

Well, I know the three classes in my kids year, the two classes in the school my other child goes to, so that makes 87 + 49 mums = 136 mums, plus 10 or so friends of mine that makes 146, and none of them with a reception age child look like they are under 35… maybe 32 at a push.
But I’m sure you know better than me.

That's abnormal.

It's common on here to pretend only chavs have children in their 20s and normal people wait until at least aged 35. that is delayed motherhood, like it or not. Our fertility declines rapidly at 30 and takes another sharp nose dive at 35. 40+ is old to be a first time mother. However unpalatable. It's like the emperorors new clothes on here with convincing fellow women that 35+ is "standard" to have a first baby. It's old.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:41

CrispsPlease · 06/10/2025 20:39

No, a mum in her 20s is a very much normal aged mum, despite what the 40+ brigade on here advertise

Show quote history

Yes. But not in my schools/area! For goodness sake.

OP posts:
Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:40

Well, I know the three classes in my kids year, the two classes in the school my other child goes to, so that makes 87 + 49 mums = 136 mums, plus 10 or so friends of mine that makes 146, and none of them with a reception age child look like they are under 35… maybe 32 at a push.
But I’m sure you know better than me.

OP posts:
Damnd · 06/10/2025 20:40

CrispsPlease · 06/10/2025 20:37

Busybody I'm afraid.

Your assumption is quite wild that she's a "nanny"

Have to agree .. she could be anybody, I would assume first a sister or something

CrispsPlease · 06/10/2025 20:39

AlbionVs · 06/10/2025 20:36

A mum in her 20s isn’t really a young mum is it? I suppose depending where she is in her 20s, she might’ve once been a young mum.

If your area is big enough you don’t know all the local kids parents, you can’t know there’s no ‘young mums’.

There’s so many things in OP that just don’t make sense. A woman in her 20s so must be the nanny, playing with other primary age kids, having a tumble and being sent off to play, being pale, mum/ caregiver on her phone for some leave whilst child plays… all things that are pretty common place.

Edited

No, a mum in her 20s is a very much normal aged mum, despite what the 40+ brigade on here advertise

HRchatter · 06/10/2025 20:38

CrispsPlease · 06/10/2025 20:37

Busybody I'm afraid.

Your assumption is quite wild that she's a "nanny"

We need more busybodies

StillAGoth · 06/10/2025 20:38

SonicBoomInTheRoom · 06/10/2025 19:32

The school would be aware of anything concerning so I'd suggest you keep your thoughts private.

Why?

We're not omniscient. On more than one occasion it's been a report of something by a member of the public who didn't keep their thoughts private that has enabled us to put the final piece of the picture in place and get the support needed for a child.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 06/10/2025 20:38

comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:35

I take your point that being in your twenties, looking different from your child, and your child appearing to have no need for you to be close to them when they are hurt, and not comforted by you, does not necessarily make you a nanny not a parent. But these are pretty strong signs.

A child who is neglected by any caregiver will not be comforted by them. Whether she is mum or someone else, the fact that there was an evident lack of bonding is part of the concern.

CrispsPlease · 06/10/2025 20:37

Busybody I'm afraid.

Your assumption is quite wild that she's a "nanny"

AlbionVs · 06/10/2025 20:36

A mum in her 20s isn’t really a young mum is it? I suppose depending where she is in her 20s, she might’ve once been a young mum.

If your area is big enough you don’t know all the local kids parents, you can’t know there’s no ‘young mums’.

There’s so many things in OP that just don’t make sense. A woman in her 20s so must be the nanny, playing with other primary age kids, having a tumble and being sent off to play, being pale, mum/ caregiver on her phone for some leave whilst child plays… all things that are pretty common place.

FancyCatSlave · 06/10/2025 20:35

SonicBoomInTheRoom · 06/10/2025 19:32

The school would be aware of anything concerning so I'd suggest you keep your thoughts private.

This is not how safeguarding works. Any and all safeguarding concerns should be mentioned to the DSL.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:35

I take your point that being in your twenties, looking different from your child, and your child appearing to have no need for you to be close to them when they are hurt, and not comforted by you, does not necessarily make you a nanny not a parent. But these are pretty strong signs.

OP posts:
UpWhereTheyWalk · 06/10/2025 20:34

I was 28 when my child was in reception... but anyway, if you have safeguarding concerns I'd go through school, not to the child's parents.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:33

It’s about the place I live, and all the contexts that I know about, because I’m the real person in the situation. It would be great if you could just trust me on this one and not turn this into an argument.

OP posts:
AlbionVs · 06/10/2025 20:30

comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:25

I think it’s easy to tell when someone is a nanny and someone is a mum. I’m 99.999999% sure she’s not his mum. Also from the way she reacted to his hurt leg.
Also in my area there are no young mums.

Edited

Well I think you might be the first person to claim to have an excellent nanny-dar. Biscuit 🌟

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:28

I’m going to keep an eye on him the next few times I’m there, and if nothing has reassured me I’ll drop a casual “it’s probably nothing but” note to the designated safeguarding lead. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Original poster
comoatoupeira · 06/10/2025 20:25

I think it’s easy to tell when someone is a nanny and someone is a mum. I’m 99.999999% sure she’s not his mum. Also from the way she reacted to his hurt leg.
Also in my area there are no young mums.

OP posts:
LadyRoughDiamond · 06/10/2025 20:23

SonicBoomInTheRoom · 06/10/2025 19:32

The school would be aware of anything concerning so I'd suggest you keep your thoughts private.

This is a completely irresponsible attitude. The school would only be aware if people report their concerns. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

HRchatter · 06/10/2025 20:21

I was a stay at home Mum and an area full of nannies and au pairs. The children would always gravitate to me and the carers wouldn’t even notice. They were missing half the time when I have them sat on my picnic mat feeding them.

scoobysnaxx · 06/10/2025 20:20

SonicBoomInTheRoom · 06/10/2025 19:32

The school would be aware of anything concerning so I'd suggest you keep your thoughts private.

Absolute nonsense.

SAFEGUARDING 101. Never assume people know anything.

If you have a concern about a child, report it. Better safe than sorry.