Boy at school - safeguarding?

There’s young mums everywhere I was 20 when my eldest started school and loads of kids don’t look like their mums.

That said if you worried about him tell the school not much else you can do unless you know his full name

A lot of words, but, if instinct is telling you to say something, then say something. Not to a random mum or gossip but to somebody trusted, the school in this instance.

This is very strange advice. How do you know that the school will be aware? What happened to see something say something?

If she has concerns for the wellbeing of the child she should mention it to the school and let them look into it instead of assuming the school will know.

Do you know how many children could have been saved by someone speaking up?

Sorry - I totally disagree.

With any safeguarding issue, you can't assume someone else will deal with it.

It may be that they don't know and this brings it to their attention. It may be that someone has noticed but hasn't said anything because they think they are blowing it out of proportion. You vocalising what they were thinking might help take things forward. It might be something that is already being dealt with and your additional comment isn't needed, but won't be unwelcome.

That's not to say there is definitely an issue with this child, but raising it to the school means they can look into it. In some cases, it is the small 'pieces' of the jigsaw that add up to show a real issue. People seeing only one piece might dismiss it.

What makes you think what the op saw is worthy of a report to safeguarding?
-a mother/sister playing on her phone
-a child with a treated injury (meaning he would have come into contact with the hospital, who are very skilled at assessing for suspicion injuries) in fact all breaks/burns on children are routinely referred to HV/SS to check in on how the family is doing.

• a mum/sister that dealt with the boy by not being too invested in him saying his foot hurt.

• the child looking pale and slim

None of those things warrant an overt suspicion of abuse.

This is all rather odd. I don't find it strange that kids are friendly with other year groups, it's a good sign the child is confident and making friends. Maybe the boy had something wrong with him that he's pale and thin or that's just his complexion! I am really pale myself. Perhaps she is the mum and she's not a molly coddler, sometimes mums can not want their kids making a fuss when they fall over ect so it might come across as uncaring but it's not. Perhaps she's an older sister. I find your comments about age really weird and who has nanny's?! Where on earth do you live that you would assume it was a nanny? Is it a private school? Also the parents you see in reception may well have other older kids so did in fact have kids at a younger age. Secondly many parents never make pick up as they are working so you won't meet them to judge their age. Regardless If you're worried perhaps you should report it and let the school decide if it's nonsense or not.

If everyone miss their own business nothing would ever get reported. Better to over report. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility!

I actually think you should speak to the safeguarding lead at school about him. Often there’s lots of small things that add up to a bigger picture, and you don’t realise how significant they all were until you find out what was really going on. (I’m a safeguarding lead at a school.) Low-level concerns from lots of different people add up.

You saw no warmth in the interaction between the boy and the person looking after him. That’s significant.

I’m not sure what you would report.

he has a broken leg which is in a cast so clearly he’s getting medical treatment.

you are jumping to conclusions to think it is a nanny - could be elder sibling, elder step sibling, auntie, almost anything. I get that you think it’s not mum but it’s a long way from there to nanny.

so realistically you’d be saying the he fell over and wasn’t being supervised closely. Unless there is anything more specific? What triggered your spidey senses?

You know this for certain do you?

Is this set in the school playground or the park?…

I thought you had died Hyacinth....?

We do in genuine red flag circumstances yes. This isn't one.

Nobody should ever keep their thoughts private when it comes to safeguarding children. How on earth do people still think this?

It won't be a "nanny" - it's obviously the child's mum. Just op can't fathom out that women often do reproduce in their 20s.

ALWAYS better to report than not. Trust your gut instinct. Please don’t ignore . Let the professionals decide if it’s anything to worry about .

I work in safeguarding and this is an absolutely terrifying post. If you are concerned contact the schools safeguarding lead. You can have a discrete discussion and they can take it further if they feel necessary or at least make a note if they don’t. Never ignore a safeguarding concern!

Absolutely do NOT do this.
The school may not know, and needs to know.
If they are already aware of any issues, your report will add to the evidence base.

Report to the Safeguarding Lead at the school, and well done for noticing and having the right instincts about a need to do something.

Fellow mum's at school will be close enough to observe patterns. "Mickey is seen on every school run I'm on with dirty clothes and holes in his shoes " or "Jessica looks quiet and withdrawn and my DD says she asks for bits of other children's lunches".

Whereas if you don't have any consistent evidence that abuse is suspected (and abuse is very different from sloppy or sub standard parenting) and you noticed a thin child with a cast on his foot and the mum fiddling on her phone: that's not red flags for abuse.

Shitty parenting (too much screen time, sloppy discipline, sloppy routines, parents always on the phone ) may be hard for us to stomach if we're good parents : but it isn't abuse. And it isn't social service worthy. Some people will never be "good " parents, but "good enough" and "meeting the childs needs " will be good enough.

I think we forget the difference between abuse requiring SS and just sloppy lazy parenting.

Absolutely. You could make a post with almost identical circumstances, except 40+ so must be the grandmother / mother’s aunt etc …. And there would be 0 comments about how it could be the missing piece of a puzzle. Everyone would be saying this was outrageous and nothing out of the ordinary.

And if everybody did this? How exactly would they be aware?

Too many children have been harmed because people turned a blind eye. I would have a discreet word with the teacher with your concerns. Better safe than sorry

Making wild assumptions isn't though.

We live in a very "snitchy" "sterile" country when it comes to safeguarding kids. Reporting people behind their backs (and unleashing a bomb in their lives ) isn't always the right thing to do.

If you saw repetition of behaviours, that's a good call. Or something more obvious in public, aggressive or violent behaviour from a care giver for example.

But seeing a thin child with a mum on her phone who you've never seen before with no other red flags bar your wild assumptions is not being a good citizen . Social services referral is very ott in those circumstances. In fact I'd go as far as to say it was cruel. It's like a police state.

Report by all means red flags and patterns. But reporting something with no valid basis, especially anonymously is very underhand.

I think so too. I find a lot of the cutting remarks from the "35+ emperor's new clothes club" on here are because they're bitter they're older and want to justify their choices.

I was in my later 20s and was a homeowner with a half decent career and a husband. So we're not all chavs 🙄 If anything I would have liked to have been more mid twenties than later twenties. I think 22-25 is perfect.

You always get the "well what about if your life circumstances aren't perfect optimal " you can keep on waiting until they are, but children don't need to be born into perfection, they're not made of glass. Stable relationship and a roof over your head is a good start. You can grow and improve whilst bringing them up.

I often find younger mothers more relaxed around their children and often prioritise motherhood. I find older mothers have waited so long that they find it difficult and can be detached emotionally but over invested in swallowing books on parenting and obsessing over routines and education that the child hasn't even embarked on yet.

Yet you don’t know this boy’s mum …