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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being fair on how we split the bills?

38 replies

Confusedcookie · 06/10/2025 18:33

I've asked my husband if he's happy with this arrangement and he says he is but then I've read on here about how couples should have one pot of money and everything taken from that rather than calculating what each person pays. Particularly when the woman is a lower earner (usually if it's due to looking after children) although in our case it's the other way round in that I earn more.
For context
I pay council tax, TV licence and home insurance. I own the house outright and paid the mortgage off before my husband (at the time boyfriend) moved in.
He pays gas, electric, water and internet.
Then we independently pay our own car costs and personal shopping.
We go through our other bills each month and split them 50/50, so that's our food shopping and animal care costs etc.
I earn over double what he does but will be going on maternity leave in a few months so it will drop but it will still be a little bit more than he earns per month.
I think I feel maybe I'm being unfair as I earn more so should pay more each month, but then at the same time I worked very hard to pay my mortgage off early and if I hadn't done that we would both be paying out more each month.

So am I being unreasonable to split our finances the way we do?

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 07/10/2025 09:02

We do not have a joint account, we have had over 30 years of quite complex finances but we actively enjoy doing things with money to completely maximise income. Ultimately over all those years there have been adjustments made. But we have both always had a decent amount of money left over.

@cornflourblue both of us have always dabbled with investments even before we met. You have to react quickly there is no time to consult on moving money about.

Original poster
Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 09:01

Geneticsbunny · 07/10/2025 08:49

Do either of you have kids already? The assets are legally both of yours if you are married, including your house, so you should share your income equally. Who is going to be the main person doing childcare once the baby arrives? How are you going to divide up child associated costs? Have you included extra pension payments for the staying off work person into this and spending money for the person who will earn less and then have worse career progression as a result?

No this will be our first child for both of us.
I'm full time at the moment but will be going back on 25hrs/week condensed into two days after maternity leave, so will only have 2 days childcare to cover - will take a bit of juggling with pick up times as my husband works split shifts and we don't have "the village" to help us so to speak, and obviously can't be leaving a little one in nursery for 13 hours at a time. Hopefully by then though my husband might have a job with more regular hours so this won't be a problem. At the moment we plan to split the nursery fees 50/50.
I'll be honest I've not looked at how it will impact my pension yet so thanks I'll have a look into that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 08:56

WatchingTheDetective · 07/10/2025 08:18

He's living rent free so is at a huge advantage. Obviously I hope you stay together but in his position I would want to get my own property.

Yes he is living rent free and that's why he says he doesn't mind splitting the bills even though he earns less.
Our plan is to buy our next house together. I'm 31 and he's 30 so it's more just a case of he was renting, I already owned so it made sense for him to move into mine initially. We're comfortable here but would like to buy together in the next few years.

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 07/10/2025 08:49

Do either of you have kids already? The assets are legally both of yours if you are married, including your house, so you should share your income equally. Who is going to be the main person doing childcare once the baby arrives? How are you going to divide up child associated costs? Have you included extra pension payments for the staying off work person into this and spending money for the person who will earn less and then have worse career progression as a result?

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/10/2025 08:48

You are both happy with it, that's all that matters.

I will never have a joint account, always separate and it works well for us. Not all marriages are the same, there's no right way to be married.

I'm the higher earner too and bills, including nursery fees are split 50/50.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 07/10/2025 08:41

I think a joint account is easier so everyone is contributing to each bill rather than saying he's doing electric and you're doing council. If one goes up then it's all still fair. Also maybe consider if you'll have a large childcare bill soon- you will want to share that cost. And any children related costs as its often the mother who ends up paying for all the bits and bobs.

HotTiredDog · 07/10/2025 08:37

All that we have is put into one account; all that we spend comes from there. We trust each other & share whatever we have. Over twenty years in, it’s worked through tough & less-tough times. It’s marriage!

Vaxtable · 07/10/2025 08:34

If you don’t want to do a joint account where both salaries go in and bills paid out, shared savings etc then You pay bills proportionate to your salary. I would put all bills through a joint account, you both paying to cover those bills, including food, proportionately, so you earn more you pay a bit more, then what’s left is your own funds to pay for your own cars, spends, savings etc

Holidays etc would work on the same way, as would stuff for the child

Peridoteage · 07/10/2025 08:32

DH and I have a joint account from which all bills are paid, including all kids costs. We each put half in and whats left is in our own personal accounts.

We are both high earners but he earns quite a bit more than me (and probably spends less day to day....) so tends to save more but he saves in both our names and the DC. He tends to pay for holidays too.

WatchingTheDetective · 07/10/2025 08:18

He's living rent free so is at a huge advantage. Obviously I hope you stay together but in his position I would want to get my own property.

Original poster
Confusedcookie · 06/10/2025 18:47

We already have joint savings so I'm not really sure why we never made a joint account for bills - probably partly laziness as all the direct debits were already linked to my account not that that's a good excuse, and it's quite good to sit each month and see what we are spending where. We're planning to move house in around 2 years so keeping check of what we are spending and saving is quite good, but I think you're right a joint account might be best.

OP posts:
cornflourblue · 06/10/2025 18:37

For us, all joint costs are pooled, we then both pay proportionately the joint costs based on our income.

In the eyes of the law your money and assets are joint, including your marital home, regardless of who paid for it and how much your each contribute.

I don't really understand separate money for married couples.

TeenToTwenties · 06/10/2025 18:37

I think it would be simpler to decide how much each of you pay into a joint account and pay all bills from there, rather than deciding who pays what.

Especially with a child on the way and the extra costs that brings.