Am I being fair on how we split the bills?

caringcarer · 02/02/2026 00:35

Gas, electric and water are more expensive than TV licence and home insurance so you are being unfair. Why not just go 50/50 on everything? You still gain as you earn more.

Woodfiresareamazing · 02/02/2026 00:28

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 08:56

Yes he is living rent free and that's why he says he doesn't mind splitting the bills even though he earns less.
Our plan is to buy our next house together. I'm 31 and he's 30 so it's more just a case of he was renting, I already owned so it made sense for him to move into mine initially. We're comfortable here but would like to buy together in the next few years.

Show quote history

I hope you have protected your sole interest in your house, OP. Make sure you have it in writing .

Coconutter24 · 07/10/2025 20:50

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 19:29

No we don't if you're talking about money left over after all the basics are paid for, but then neither of us spend everything we've got left, and we both try and put money back into joint savings each month. We're both naturally quite frugal day to day I'd say, then just make big purchases very occasionally.
He'd be more than able to take a couple of grand out of our shared savings though in a matter of minutes if he wanted to, in fact he did spend about £3k on something for his hobby fairly recently but he said he wanted to pay the money back into the savings over a few months even though I was like it's up to you I really don't mind! And I'd do the same thing if I was the lower earner, if I wanted to make an expensive purchase for myself only then I'd want to pay for it myself.

Show quote history

I think the point of a joint account for most married couples is to make sure things are fair in the sense that you both have the same amount of personal spends each month. Whether you save it or spend it that’s up to the person whose share it is to decide.

cjs99x · 07/10/2025 20:15

I think it’s different when there’s a big rent/mortgage outgoing but in your case when the outgoings are more minimal I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you split bills

ZoggyStirdust · 07/10/2025 20:12

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 19:17

Can you explain why it's abuse if both have money left over at the end of the month plus savings to dip into for whatever they want?

Show quote history

When it’s a man, it’s financial abuse to make his partner pay more and therefore he ends up with a higher amount of disposable income each month and/or savings while she does not.

donyou have more disposable income? Can you save? Does he have the same?

TheFateofOphelia · 07/10/2025 19:55

WatchingTheDetective · 07/10/2025 08:18

He's living rent free so is at a huge advantage. Obviously I hope you stay together but in his position I would want to get my own property.

Why? He's not living "rent free," he's residing in the marital home.

If they split after a few years, half the house is his. Plus a chunk of OP's mortgage

That's what marriage is.

dontmalbeconme · 07/10/2025 19:52

You should both have equal spending money and personal savings each month. Everything else joint.

Hont1986 · 07/10/2025 19:51

Can you imagine MN saying that a wife was "living rent free" in her higher-earning husband's house, so should pay a higher share of the bills? Ridiculous.

Original poster

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 19:29

Coconutter24 · 07/10/2025 19:19

Do you both have equal spending money each month?

Show quote history

No we don't if you're talking about money left over after all the basics are paid for, but then neither of us spend everything we've got left, and we both try and put money back into joint savings each month. We're both naturally quite frugal day to day I'd say, then just make big purchases very occasionally.
He'd be more than able to take a couple of grand out of our shared savings though in a matter of minutes if he wanted to, in fact he did spend about £3k on something for his hobby fairly recently but he said he wanted to pay the money back into the savings over a few months even though I was like it's up to you I really don't mind! And I'd do the same thing if I was the lower earner, if I wanted to make an expensive purchase for myself only then I'd want to pay for it myself.

OP posts:

Coconutter24 · 07/10/2025 19:19

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 19:17

Can you explain why it's abuse if both have money left over at the end of the month plus savings to dip into for whatever they want?

Show quote history

Do you both have equal spending money each month?

Original poster

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 19:17

ZoggyStirdust · 07/10/2025 19:00

Interesting

a higher earning man making is lower earning partner pay half is usually called abusive.

Can you explain why it's abuse if both have money left over at the end of the month plus savings to dip into for whatever they want?

OP posts:

ZoggyStirdust · 07/10/2025 19:00

Interesting

a higher earning man making is lower earning partner pay half is usually called abusive.

vitalityvix · 07/10/2025 18:54

IMO the ‘fairest’ thing for a married couple to do is ensure that each person has the same amount of disposable income after all the outgoings have been paid. The easiest way to do that is to be paid into the same account and each take X amount out of the pot. Everything else is paid for by the pot.

Original poster

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 18:39

Ooh the results are in 😆 ... 53% of you said I was being unreasonable, 47% said reasonable, that's a pretty close result.
I just want it to be fair for both of us so I'll ask him again about a joint account. We already have a joint savings account so should be easy to sort a joint everyday account and it might make bills one less thing to spend time on when the baby is born and we're so sleep deprived we're unable to use a calculator 😂

OP posts:

Mauvehoodie · 07/10/2025 18:28

I think the exact split isn’t so relevant in cases where there arent huge bills and enough money. You aren’t leaving him with pennies while you live it up and assuming he earns over £25k say, he must have plenty left with those bills. I think with a baby, maternity pay, childcare etc to contend with a joint account and transfer out a set amount each to your personal accounts for fun money/presents etc would be ideal from now on.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 07/10/2025 18:23

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 18:11

I'm not sure what you mean by devil's advocate here.
But anyway yes kinda all three, I was 29 when I paid it off, and I paid it off over 5 years. I was lucky that my parents let me live at home while I was at uni and only paid them a token rent, and worked while I was in uni which let me save up a decent deposit, plus we live rurally so my house wasn't city prices, my mortgage was about £98k. Then since I finished uni I've always worked far more than full time, taking on extra night and weekend work for overtime payments, until I had an injury last year so I've only worked full time now for a year (which I can't lie has been nice). I'm a nurse so not super high paying but always more work available and promotions available to enhance your salary, I've almost finished my post grad so I'm hoping once I've been back from maternity leave for a while I'll be able to go for a higher paying job, I'm quite financially driven - I think that's a good thing personally. Then yes I got £30k as inheritance after an unexpected and sudden death in the family, my car was written off at the same time so I used that money to buy a new car and put the rest towards my mortgage which I'd already been trying to overpay by 10% each year as my goal was to try and pay it off asap.
I think I'm just money minded, I'm still generous to other people but I was happy to sacrifice some things for myself to meet my goal. Since paying it off I have been on a lot more holidays and to a lot more concerts though 😆
Anyway that was off on a tangent but yeah that's why I own outright and we aren't paying a mortgage or rent

Show quote history

That's great and you've obviously worked hard and extra to pay it off, I was being devils advocate assuming that at least some of your ability to pay it off was circumstance rather than you simply working harder than your partner (and I think I'm fair in making that assumption based on the info you've since given).

He may not have had the same series of opportunities and legs up hence not getting on the housing ladder himself.

Original poster

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 18:11

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 07/10/2025 17:13

Being devils advocate...

I'm assuming he moved in a few years ago given you are pregnant

So you had paid your mortgage off before he moved in

So by the time you were 29

This is very young and you either had a small mortgage or a huge wage to do so? Or help.

There's no way I could have paid my mortgage off in 10 years even if I'd have put every penny towards it.

I'm not sure what you mean by devil's advocate here.
But anyway yes kinda all three, I was 29 when I paid it off, and I paid it off over 5 years. I was lucky that my parents let me live at home while I was at uni and only paid them a token rent, and worked while I was in uni which let me save up a decent deposit, plus we live rurally so my house wasn't city prices, my mortgage was about £98k. Then since I finished uni I've always worked far more than full time, taking on extra night and weekend work for overtime payments, until I had an injury last year so I've only worked full time now for a year (which I can't lie has been nice). I'm a nurse so not super high paying but always more work available and promotions available to enhance your salary, I've almost finished my post grad so I'm hoping once I've been back from maternity leave for a while I'll be able to go for a higher paying job, I'm quite financially driven - I think that's a good thing personally. Then yes I got £30k as inheritance after an unexpected and sudden death in the family, my car was written off at the same time so I used that money to buy a new car and put the rest towards my mortgage which I'd already been trying to overpay by 10% each year as my goal was to try and pay it off asap.
I think I'm just money minded, I'm still generous to other people but I was happy to sacrifice some things for myself to meet my goal. Since paying it off I have been on a lot more holidays and to a lot more concerts though 😆
Anyway that was off on a tangent but yeah that's why I own outright and we aren't paying a mortgage or rent

OP posts:

NotSmallButFunSize · 07/10/2025 17:20

Confusedcookie · 06/10/2025 18:33

I've asked my husband if he's happy with this arrangement and he says he is but then I've read on here about how couples should have one pot of money and everything taken from that rather than calculating what each person pays. Particularly when the woman is a lower earner (usually if it's due to looking after children) although in our case it's the other way round in that I earn more.
For context
I pay council tax, TV licence and home insurance. I own the house outright and paid the mortgage off before my husband (at the time boyfriend) moved in.
He pays gas, electric, water and internet.
Then we independently pay our own car costs and personal shopping.
We go through our other bills each month and split them 50/50, so that's our food shopping and animal care costs etc.
I earn over double what he does but will be going on maternity leave in a few months so it will drop but it will still be a little bit more than he earns per month.
I think I feel maybe I'm being unfair as I earn more so should pay more each month, but then at the same time I worked very hard to pay my mortgage off early and if I hadn't done that we would both be paying out more each month.

So am I being unreasonable to split our finances the way we do?

Well, I think you're unreasonable because I couldn't live like this myself - we just pool it all and the bills are paid from the joint account. We have equal fun money each and it's always been equal even when I earned nothing. We're a family, not housemates.

But I suppose it doesn't really matter what I think, it's your money!

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 07/10/2025 17:13

Being devils advocate...

I'm assuming he moved in a few years ago given you are pregnant

So you had paid your mortgage off before he moved in

So by the time you were 29

This is very young and you either had a small mortgage or a huge wage to do so? Or help.

There's no way I could have paid my mortgage off in 10 years even if I'd have put every penny towards it.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 07/10/2025 17:05

DH earns five times what I earn so puts five times into the joint pot for all bills including those relating to children. We keep the rest of our monies to spend or save as we wish. He is a spender, I am a saver so this works well for us. If he wants to spend £100 on a shirt he can crack on!
Dont fall into the trap of you buying all the children’s stuff or going equal on childcare if you earn less. And yes, remember your pension.

Original poster

Confusedcookie · 07/10/2025 16:59

Looking at a maternity pay prediction calculator I think I will have £500-800 free each month. Husband is part time at the moment and I won't be on fixed shifts so will also be doing nights and weekends so we hope we can juggle sick days etc but realise that won't always be the case.
Sounds like a shared pot is the way to go

OP posts:

Swiftie1878 · 07/10/2025 15:14

WatchingTheDetective · 07/10/2025 08:18

He's living rent free so is at a huge advantage. Obviously I hope you stay together but in his position I would want to get my own property.

They’re married. It’s now half his.

cornflourblue · 07/10/2025 15:08

Geneticsbunny · 07/10/2025 09:11

It's not just nursery fees though. Going part time will have a long term impact on your earnings and pension. And there will be clothes, food, presents, extra cleaning, child admin, extra sick days for you plus child. There is so much stuff that it is virtually impossible to fairly share all the jobs and money without just having a central pot. I think that's why most couples with kids have a shared account.

All of this.

Plus who takes time off (potentially unpaid) when your child is sick? Its very common for young DC to pick up a LOT of bugs when they start at childcare, and you need to agree who stays home with them, or leaves work to pick them up when they invariably throw up at nursery.

Will you have equal personal spending money when you're on mat leave? How about your pension?

Geneticsbunny · 07/10/2025 09:11

It's not just nursery fees though. Going part time will have a long term impact on your earnings and pension. And there will be clothes, food, presents, extra cleaning, child admin, extra sick days for you plus child. There is so much stuff that it is virtually impossible to fairly share all the jobs and money without just having a central pot. I think that's why most couples with kids have a shared account.

Insidelaurashed · 07/10/2025 09:06

I would check how much you'll have left after bills when on maternity leave, OP. If the answer is £500, so you can have a decent time on mat leave, then cool-but if the answer is £50 and DH normally has £400 left after bills, then I'd say for maternity leave and ongoing you need to rejig so you both have similar personal money. If you still will and you're both happy, all good, but you being off looking after a newborn shouldn't mean you can't afford a coffee/baby group/to replace that pair of jeans etc