Let partner’s ex know my address?

absolutely this.

The fact he took this all the way to court and only got EOW says a lot ! Please tread carefully here and protect yourself.

I'm sorry, but you there is a reason handovers are in a public space.

I read this post thinking it was my life, but I don't have a partner and work full time.

Handover has to be in front of CCTV in a public space for my protection, our phones are set up for fast response should we need help, and my house is covered in CCTV.

You could do Clare's Law and my exes record is clean, however, I have been physically threatened, told he won't do it, but will hire someone to get rid of me etc.

Without physical proof in a letter or text, the police can't do anything and my ex has a clean record. I am also too scared to pursue it, the abuse is against me (not my child) and it is something to live with and endure to ensure my child's protection. I am not drip feeding, but I am also not going to display my reality on here.

In Court, the court weren't interested in the abuse against me. However, my DASU worker was instrumental in having it agreed that handover was in a public space. Three times we had to return to court as we couldn't agree, until the Judge noted that my ex and his legal team were unhealthily pursuing the need for our home address which was a red flag and highlighted it was not in the best interest of the child for the mother to live in such fear.

So, yes on paper there is no safeguarding issue BUT always read behind the lines. My ex now has a new partner, and I can guarantee that I am the abuser and won't know any of this. It is entirely my fault that she won't find anything on Clare's Law about him, but it isn't worth the risk and my child needs a Mum that is alive.

Without a court order, my child is not going anywhere I do not know the location.

If he hasn’t bothered to go to court to get more time with his child and to find out where his child lives, that is his fault, not the mother’s.

he could parent more. Plenty of parents balance work and parenting. He could also choose to live close enough to his child to do school runs and be an involved parent.

he isn’t trapped. He is making a choice to be a less than involved parent.

If he’s been to court and only got weekends then there is more to this. If he didn’t want 50/50 then he’s not an equal parent is he? Of course it’s not the only possible reason but she does sound scared of him.

I think you are wrong to get involved with his parenting. You say the kid comes to your house do you parent for him?

my ex would of had a similar story about me. He was abusive. His current partner had a go at me for being controlling. She parents my kids when they are supposed to be with their dad. He stopped being abusive to me and the kids once she was parenting for him and he was trying to get her caught in his trap. They had a kid and the kid has had broken femur and other suspicious injuries over time. I don’t know if he’s still abusive or his kid with her is just unlucky but his current partner doesn’t have a go at me now and my kids tell me things that make me worry for her. Before me he had an another crazy ex and I believed him. Now I have learnt a lesson and would always believe another woman who makes accusations and if they are not true it doesn’t matter to me I don’t want such drama in my life. Fine if you want that drama but it’s his drama not yours don’t forget that. I also could not respect someone who didn’t want 50/50 and that time after school is not piddling?? If he’s getting weekends and you say after school is just piddling when is mum getting quality time?

I don’t know what you mean in your OP about equal responsibility given by the Court. If your partner is on the birth certificate he has Parental Responsibility (as does Mother) and a Court wouldn’t need to decide on that. If they have been to Court, what was in the Order ? Time spent, frequency, handover ?

If mother won’t divulge her address, then your partner doesn’t need to either unless ordered by the Court. This is only your concern by virtue of the fact that your partner lives with you so you might want to ask him exactly what has been ordered by the Court, including the progression from day to overnight contact. Has she suddenly decided to ‘allow’ overnight off her own bat or is it in the Court Order ?

There’s not a lot you can do personally except ask your partner not to divulge your address.

I think it he doesn't tell her she'll refuse the sleepover. How will he/you feel then? I understand your reasons and agree a supermarket should be acceptable for both.

He needs to decide how important the child is and fight for access to stop her controlling behaviour. Does he only see the child one day a week currently? That's no where near 50:50 care. He's a weekend dad and it sounds like he can't be bothered to be honest.

Where does he normally take the child on the weekend? Has the child never been to your house before? I would want to know where my child was so I don't think that's unreasonable but it has to work both ways. What is her reason for not wanting him to know her address?

Lol at 'shut up' 😁

Ok well I'd leave it up to the parents to sort out then.

Tell him how you feel and let him decide what's best for his child's contact.

Absolutely not the only reason this would happen. My DH hasn’t been aggressive in any way in 30yrs, but his ex wouldn’t give him her address. They divorced because she cheated.

No, it sounds controlling honestly. My own sister did this when her and her partner of 14 years split when my nephew was 3. She was very open that her ex wasn’t abusive, she just wasn’t giving him the info because she didn’t feel like she owed it to him. He’s now 17 and unfortunately it’s still my sister who is ridiculous in matters like this and it hasn’t slowed down. I feel for my nephew and the poor kid in this post.

How old is the child? Your adapter should go to court and get an arrangements order in place that sets out which days he has his child so that she can't control things.

She won't let him have his child overnight and would rather hand their DC over in a car park, than have him find out where they live?

Sounds like she's terrified of him to be honest.

My DH never once picked his dd up from her house, he never knew where that was, we swapped in a cinema car park. I don’t think his ex ever had our address either, I’m assuming not but I’m not certain. Mobile phones have stopped the need for such things.

Are you 100% sure the car park collection is not for a safeguarding issue?

Why does she even know that the child will be visiting / staying over at your home?

Unless your relationship is now at a long term stage and very stable I'd suggest that it may not be in your partners child's interest to be staying with you. There needs to be mutual trust on both sides and until your partner can build that with his ex, I would steer very clear of getting stuck in the middle of this .

Unless she wants to rethink your partner being able to collect his child from her home it’s a no go.

she can’t have it both ways. It’s either car park pick ups for both sides or home pick ups for both.

They want their heads knocking together.

Collecting the poor little sod in car park. Ffs how long have you been seeing your boyfriend?

This is insane and will absolutely damage the child. What a crazy pressure to live under.