Let partner’s ex know my address?

But if a court order is in place that states 50/50 then she wouldn’t have been allowed to do that without validating how the 50/50 share would continue.

At which point your boyfriend should have gone back to court to have that affirmed - child cannot be removed from the jurisdiction- depending how far it is.

Doesn’t sound like he’s done anything of the things required to enable him to be a 50/50 parent. because he doesn’t actually want to be a 50/50 parent. Plus he has you at weekends now to do it for him.

So yes in her shoes, I wouldn’t trust him very much and would want to know where my child is whilst in his care, it’s basic safeguarding. If he hasn’t considered the same in reverse, that’s a him problem and demonstrates his lack of safeguarding awareness.

I mean the man doesn’t actually know where his child lives… wake up OP. Red flags everywhere.

Double this.

Stop blaming his ex and take a look closer to home.

A ma who you’ve only been dating a year and seem to have decided he’s so righteous in all this. He hasn’t done anything to properly father his now 5yr old child.

I wonder if she is only allowing the child to stay over now she has a new partner.it sounds like they split she had the baby and your partner got straight with you.it all sounds like a mess up for the little one.

He needs to step up and get a proper child agreement in place, stating overnights. If she wants to know where dc is then the agreement can list both addresses, yours and hers. I would suggest you agree to meet her (does supermarket have a cafe) most mums would like to meet the person who is spending time with their child as long as it goes both ways

I agree, why on earth would she go out of way to hide when it’s so much work for her unless scared of him.
op have you done a Clare’s law on him?

I think I'll probably withdraw now but I think OP needs to be aware.of the full content of the Court Order as it's her property he is intending to use to overnight his child.
I don't think OP has the full story so we certainly don't.

So you've been together a year and already live together? That's pretty quick moving for someone with a young child who wants to put that child's interests first.

My ex moved in with his new partner very quickly too. I'm sure she thinks she knows the ins and outs of our situation, just as I thought I did with his previous "crazy" ex.

Police put a restraining order on mine for coercive control. He wasn't allowed to contact me directly or indirectly. I refused to give him my new address, but he found it out anyway. I still don't know how as I know family and friends wouldn't have given it to him.

When he moved into his current house with his girlfriend he refused to give me his address saying I could find out where the DC were by installing life360 on my phone (meaning he'd be able to track me as well). A family law solicitor told me whilst ever I had parental responsibility I had a right to know where the DC were staying in case of emergencies.

Anyway, they are older now and DC themselves have told me his address. I never approach the house to collect them, I park around the corner and then phone them to come out.

Please don't assume the picture he has painted off the story is the full story. Yes, some parents are malicious and use parental alienation to get back at the other parent to the detriment of their kids.

However, regardless of who is right or wrong, the situation is toxic and it will be the children that suffer in the end.

Personally I think you're being given a very one-sided view. It would be interesting to sit down one on one and have a chat with the ex-wife as to her version of the story. Why wouldn't you (and why would she refuse this) given you are going to be taking responsibility for her child.

I'd be more than happy to meet and chat with ex-h's new partner, though she's not interested in our DC.

I think it is really important for children to see their parents acting civilly to each other after divorce. He will get a clear message from all these car park pick-ups. I know she started it, but I wouldn't play tit for tat. Be the bigger person.

He knows the reason but won’t tell you, no idea why you are getting involved, chances are she already knows where you live.

They meet in a car park. How far is he expected to travel to see his DC?

So howling have you known the child for?

and how long does the child normally stay at yours for?

I would probably like a lot of information about where my child was spending time too.

Is it child or children? You can’t seem to decide.

you’ve been together a year - how long did you wait before meeting his child/ren?

TBF, I wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of my child/ren staying over at the home of someone they barely know, and I’d want to know where they were too.

have you met his ex?

A few hrs is not nothing to a kid and can mean a lot. If there's no time to do it often that's ok, but it can mean a lot to a kid that you make time. It's great he's in regular contact, but your dismissiveness here doesn't show much understanding on your part.

Who told you that?

I'm so sorry but your responses are showing huge red flags. This is not meant to be a pile on at all, but look with fresh eyes at the responses you have received and the replies you have been given.

Your last comment is that EOW is all he can do as she doesn't live close to 'us'. Does it not give you red flags that a. Either she moved her children away (safety) or he moved away from his children? B. He must have a vague idea of where the children live so could certainly live closer (without the need to know her address) but has chosen a relationship over his own children?!

The responses given are possibly from women who have been in your shoes and come out the other side, or they are women who have exes just like this and know the truth of the matter.

Take a step back and look at everything you have put or imagine a friend has said it, I'm sure you'd suggest she threw him back :) Good Luck :)

How has he demonstrated that's he's bothered?

Has he been to court for access?

Does he push for more than one day every other week (that you've already said he parents sometimes pick up the DC).

Every minute of every hour is precious with growing children. I'm sad you think it's 'piffle'

And working all hours to look after the children, I'm assuming you mean paying child support to the parent who is supporting those children for 13.5 days a fortnight?

It’s also the exact same pattern that most people who have had to take their kids into protective custody because they’re at risk of domestic violence go through. I’ve done it, we started out as one hour at a contact centre. Then one afternoon. Then one daytime. Then one evening and so forth.

As for - if she was scared she would’ve put something in place. I’ve been through the court system, you do not end up there is something ends amicably, it’s long and stressful and expensive.

Have you considered that there’s a series of things that don’t add up?

No overnight stays - odd at best
No address - It’s off. My experience wasn’t amicable. I still know where the other parent lives. I wish they didn’t know where I lived, but it’s actually very hard to keep that a secret, it’s on every document regarding the kids.
Ex’s current partner hates him - why?
Court order - how did you end up with that? And for so little contact time too?
‘she’s controlling’ - course an abuser would say that.

They go to bed at 7, finish school at what, 3? It’s hardly worth having them for a few piffle hours, especially as an hour of that is getting them and taking them home since they don’t live in our town. Did I mention he works full time?

those "few piffle hours" are the bulk of the time most people spend with their children.

He could very easily go, once a week even, and take them out for an hour near where they live. As for "he works full time" what do you think most people do?

If in 5 years he's never been to court and been awarded more than EOW then there is a reason for it.

This.

Do a Clare's Law search.

Handovers in a public place, addresses not disclosed etc...has all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship. It doesn't add up. She sounds scared.

The child is 5, they split a couple of years ago, but the child has been collected from supermarket since they were born? So they split much longer ago than a couple of years ago? This doesn’t add up.

@Snorlaxo point about air tags would make everything else redundant. You would need to thoroughly search the children and their bags before leaving the car park and dumping any trackers if you found them. As they would belong to the ex I imagine that would cause a shit storm. If you called her to come back and take the tracker home she would probably insist on taking the children too.

The obvious solution would be for your partner to go to family court. The reasons for withholding addresses could be assessed there. Is there a reason why he hasn’t done that?

This.

You either know there is more to this OP or you are incredibly naive.