How many years is too many?

I'm gonna hazard a guess he isn't a binman, or retired on a state pension!

I don't care about the woman though. I'm a 42 year old man. I work with a bunch of people in their 20's. I know they're adults and capable of making their own decisions about big life choices.

I also know that if I ever dated someone that much younger than me, there'd be a massive power imbalance. The sheer amount of life experience the older person has makes it so much easier for them to control and influence the younger person.

I don't judge any woman who goes out with a much older man. They're making the decision based on the information available to them. But they have no idea of how much influence just being older gives you the ability to exert. The man in that relationship does know that, and the fact that he's willing to engage in a relationship despite knowing it means he's not a good man, and not someone I'd want to be friends with.

How well off is your friend? call me a cynic if you like.

It's quite creepy yeah.. she was old enough to be his mum.
As was the Cheryl and Liam relationship, especially with her knowing him as a teenager.

I am not specially attracted by younger men, but was JLo and her boyfriend C. Smart "creepy"? No.

So why would it be any different the other way round? Each to their own.

But apparently it's fine when men treat women like shit , as we read on here every day - dating or married - but god forbid there's an age gap, the horror.

How patronising.

If I had a "friend" who assumed that a 24 year old woman is not a responsible adult but must be treated like a child unable to make their own decision, I would find them to be too grim indeed to carry on the friendship.

I mean it is really. If me and my mate are in our 60's, and he starts dating someone if their 20s, then I'm going to re-assess my opinion of my friend, based on the fact that it turns out he's really fucking grim and happy to have a relationship where there's a massive power imbalance.

Some of us did question it when she first got with him, in her words she’d rather be with someone she loves than turn the relationship down for someone her own age that she doesn’t click with.

I think it depends. I used to find these sort of age gaps creepy. I think I still do in some cases.

But my friend has been with her DP for 12 years and is happier than most of my other friends in relationships. Their age gap is 20-25 years. No gold digger, no creepy old perv. They just seem content and happy.

I read this the wrong way round and thought the partner was 96/97 😂

i think he’s a silly old fool if he thinks it’s genuine. Does he have a lot of money? I’d assume she was just a gold digger. He’s old enough to be her grandad

p.s. I know one couple with that sort of age gap. He died while she was in her late 30s, they chose to have two kids.He left her a house and a trust fund for the kids. Is that 'working out'? Depends on what she had wanted going into the relationship, I guess! Folks get together for all sorts of reasons.

What do you mean by 'worked out'? If they are enjoying each other's company right now, its working out for them. Who knows what lies ahead. While that sort of age gap isn't conducive to growing old together, that might not be what they want. Between them, really.

What @ComfortFoodCafe said! Not for me. Although I've been known to be a cougar in the past. 😂

She will end up being his carer in ten-twenty years.

Unless you're one of the people in the relationship, it's none of your business.

A relative had this sort of age gap and similar ages. Was kind of ok for a couple of years but then he quickly aged and didn't do much to help with their 2 sons.
In reality she is now a single parent with caring responsibilities for her husband who is in ill health. She's exhausted and getting hassle from the in ILs that she's not looking after him properly.
Might be different if the older partner was wealthy and could support his family by paying for childcare, cleaning etc