To send invitation for 8th party happening mid-Jan?

Someone tried to get me to save the date for their child's party earlier this year, sent me a text in May about a party in August and asking me to keep it free. I said I'd let her know nearer the time. They hadn't even provided invitations yet.

OP sorry but I don't think it works that way with a kids' party. Yes certainly few weeks before, or when confirmation is requested, I'd say yes or no and stick to it, but I'm not going to commit to a party three months in advance because, yes, something better may come along. I'm someone who was always quite strict with this but for a kids party you don't need to know more than a few weeks before and I'm more selective about what I'll commit to.

This is one of those threads where 91% vote you are being unreasonable.

OP: "I absolutely am not being unreasonable and you are all wrong."

I think it just comes across as if you think you are organising a Royal Wedding!

But yes, things will come up so the rsvps will tell you nothing, and also at 8 they might change friendships groups once (or twice!) in that time!

Just book it if you need to, and send to the ones you know you want closer to the time when they know if they are free.

There are many, many reasons why parents may need to send an invitation months in advance. Eg illness, work commitments, limited time to plan, or an expensive party that needs numbers to be confirmed early. In some cultures kids parties are considered to be important social events and people do take rejections personally.

You may not believe so now, but over the long term your child does lose out socially if they don’t attend most of the parties they’re invited to / you become known as the mum who doesn’t rsvp on time.

No I wouldn’t confirm now even if I’m free. Yes other things come up, better things even. We don’t revolve our lives around our kids dc friends birthday. Send it in Dec. I would’nt even respond if I received such a request now!

This

Same! A couple of years ago my DD received an invite that was 2 months in advance of the 5 year old’s party. I followed your very simple steps and fortunately by step 3 nothing came up and we went! No eyelids batted at any point.

I was picking up a vibe that the OP expects the parents to commit now and then she is not be willing to accept any excuses if people need to pull out. To my mind that is not a helpful way to behave, as other posters have stated, life sometimes causes a change in priorities. In general I stick to.'first thing in the diary' gets attended. I've just been notified of the time and date of my cousin's funeral. The friend I was planning to meet for lunch that day accepts that a funeral takes priority.

The title of the thread very clearly says invitation not Save the Date.

I don't understand this personally. I wouldn't be at all offended by my child being a "reserve" If it meant they got to do a fun activity like climbing or trampolining.

It's the custom at our school to offer places/tickets that can't be used on the class chat so they don't go to waste. So if someone is having a class party and not many can attend, they'll invite children from the other class as well. It makes complete sense not to waste a paid for space when another child can enjoy it... these things aren't cheap!

I think some people are confusing invitations and Save The Dates. The function of a Save The Date is to give people notice of the upcoming event so they can plan around it if they wish to attend. It is not an invitation and does not require an RSVP. People are free to accept conflicting invitations until the actual invitation is issued and they RSVP yes.

For children's parties, I'd always send the actual invitation 2-3 weeks in advance, but I'd send a Save The Date as soon as everything is booked. Some families do plan their schedules a few months in advance and so appreciate the notice.

It's also useful to avoid conflicting children's parties. If you let people know when your child is having their party, they can avoid booking their child's party for the same date which might be awkward if the two children are friends or share a friendship group.

I think it is too early. I think there is a higher risk of people accepting now, but by the time of the party they have forgotten, moved house or as happened to friends of mine they were bereaved of a close family member within the week before. If you are prepared to pay for 8 child places and risk some no shows on the day then go ahead. (I knew one family who kept a list of reserves who they thought they could ask last minute so as not to lose money. Funnily enough all those they asked had other plans and one told the mum outright that she didn't appreciate her son being asked just so as to fill all the spaces).

Send it. My son is the same age. I’d be happy to receive it now, and then I’d pop the date and in the diary and RSVP. Job done.

The only people who would have issues fall into two clear buckets:

1. people who genuinely don’t know e.g. work shifts, in which case they can just say so
2. flakey arseholes who might want to hang on for a better offer

We’re all human and sometime plans do change, but in that case people would just have to let you know.

Just say, “I know it’s early but given we have it booked, I thought I may as well send these out now”.

Just send a ‘save the date’ and say details to
follow. If you want it “off your desk”
you can prepare the invites then set a reminder to send them nearer the time.

No it's not a risk really. I can't help that we are a family who works shifts that includes weekends and these are only confirmed 3-4 weeks in advance.

The 'risk' you take is people saying they will come and cancelling last minute or forgetting about the invite. That's not my risk, it's yours.

What i'd likely do in this scenario is reply 'thank you for the invite, little Dave would love to come. We don't have shifts that far in advance so may need to cancel but we'll do our best to make it work and let you know a few weeks before.'

That’s fair enough. I’m sure my child would understand too…. maybe.
But depending on the circumstances I would still try to make the effort to make it work and I wouldn’t have such a bad attitude either.

At 8 years old my child would have understood if something more important in our family came up.

Oh. You are the 8 year old.

No, they are waiting to see how things might change in 3 months time. Their kid might have fallen out with yours, they might have moved house, they might have a family member who becomes unwell, their child might have a hospital appointment….. all the other things that can change in a few months.

Send them now if you like, you will still get last minute cancellations.

If the family event is that important, I'll know about it by now.

If something comes up, I'll explain that we have to work around existing plans.

If a sport event happens, then we'll work it out then - but I will have warned the parents anyway. Last week we were told on Thursday morning about a Saturday match for one of the kids. I know what sport and club are likely to clash.

I don't know anyone who has a last-minute wedding/ christening or anniversary celebrations 😂

Random emergencies can happen on the day anyway, so how long in advance we know about the kids party is irrelevant.

I don't need to pretend that we are more important than everyone else so couldn't possibly commit to a child's party because they are beneath us

I sent invites for my early-Dec son's bday party in August. December gets busy, people get booked up. I'm working on a 2-month lead time for most things tbh, if someone sends an invite for something happening in 2-3w time, chances are we are already doing something. I would appreciate the more notice the better, and if something comes up I'd just message to say sorry with as much notice as possible.

The only time 'I can't possibly commit that far in advance' comes into play in my life is when my PILs invite us on a holiday in 13+ months time. No thanks, I don't want to do that anyway, let alone have it hanging over me for a year. Anything else is fine.