Work, sickness, don’t know what to do

Hi @Tiredmeno2025 - you have my sympathy… also a single mum, had a tiring job and went through menopause early.

i agree with everything on this thread in terms of advice given to you - bloods, adjusting HRT (I tried 3 before I found one that helped); vitamins - take an array! Healthy diet, seeds, daily juices, running, walking whatever you can fit in (don’t take elevators, walk instead of bus, park further away from office if time is super tight) AND go to bed early with a good book.

On top of this I would add take tumeric!!!!

im in my early sixties and feel better than my peri menopause era and every time I ache I increase the amount of tumeric and spiralina in my green shake and I just feel better. It never fails me - honestly it’s like a little miracle for my for aches and pains! Good luck x

some options to consider: you may need to have testosterone added into you HRT. This can be the missing link around the brain fog, body pains etc.

also and for full bloods, thyroid and B12.

you could make a flexible working application to reduce hours and take mid week off.

you need to ask your gp to refer you for the fatigue and investigate this further, plus refer for the rotator cuff injury (having done this myself it takes a good year to recover).

for sleep start magnesium. I also brought from the US melatonin to help get me to sleep. It might be your HRT needs adjusting too if not sleeping. Xxx

Definitely get bloods done if you haven't already, tiredness can be caused by many things which are treatable.

This is what I was going to suggest too

Also, can you afford to reduce your hours? Go to 4 days? Possibly compressed hours? I do 4.5 days (0.9fte) over 4 days so I haven’t dropped too much salary but I get a good work:life balance as a result

Ah.bless you - I really feel for you. You sound like you are suffering from burn out or very near it. Just my assumptions from what you have said and you need to get the full bloods done to rule out anything major and some more sensitive ones for thyroid etc I expect you are probably low on nutrients and self care from being a rushed overwhelmed single mum now hitting perimenopause. And rather than being able to slow down and go part time you have become really over stressed. Brain fog can also be a sign of stress and burn out aswell as perimenopause.

You need to involve occupational health once you go beyond getting doctor to sign off - guilt is something you need to put to one side here. Appreciate what you say about sole earner but you end up with a breakdown / burn out you won’t be any good to anyone.

One thing you can start doing is focussing on the main 3 priorities - sleep , diet and exercise. Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise as the exercise will help with stress. The shoulders (if you can be sure are not serious injury/confition) but more tight through stress you can start some gentle flexibility work. Once aches and pains and inflammation kicked in for me I started doing weights aswell as cross trainer . It was a game changer. The fatigue has gone, the stress has wound down. Try a 10 minute mindful meditation practice every morning focussing on breath awareness as that helps you start the day more grounded and in a present peaceful place rather than pick up your phone and have 200 racing thoughts before you get out of bed! Then try 2 mins in day. That was also a game changer. All this takes discipline but it’s necessary.

in summary

1. Main health tests first get them booked and done
2. speak to work about more flexible working to help with symptoms and then go to GP if not then occupational health
3. Sleep food supplements exercise ( to include weights and flexibility) routine

My diet - I cut out a lot of sugar and eat mainly fresh non processed food. Lose excess weight- it is possible. That helps too. Slowly though. Through sensible good wholesome foods- nuts/ seeds, Greek yoghurt, berries, salads , pulses and grains, sweet potatoes, lean chicken and fish , hummus. Other fruits for good gut health

Good luck !! There are other less stressful jobs but changing your mindset and caring less about work and more about you is important. Make sure you set and communicate clear boundaries so you don’t take on more than you can cope with.

What about asking your job to go part time for couple of months and see how you are getting on?

You need a full raft of blood tests for all the things pps have outlined above, and for your thyroid.

Low thyroid is pretty common and really wipes you out. Very easily fixed with medication so definitely worth looking into.

Your GP should be able to organise this, it is pretty standard stuff.

I had awful shoulder pain, it was confirmed as being inflammation of the supraspinatus and was warned it would take months to recover. My physio described the ultrasound images as grim! At the same time, and for unrelated reasons, I started HRT patches due to a long list of peri menopausal symptoms. Within two weeks my shoulder pain disappeared, completely! It is seemingly very common but I am so glad HRT patches sorted it as it was pure agony. I hope you get some relief soon

Before you quit - explore every treatment route with your GP for every symptom you have.

I have so many prescriptions for meds I didn't even know existed.

Second exercise reasonable adjustments.

I rememher when my shoulder inexplicably froze - its really common in women after late 30s.

1. get occupational health involved

2. don’t worry about your colleagues - you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm

3. look at Collagen supplements. I have been taking Amcient and Brave and feel so much better. My friend takes Ellevate and is like a new woman.

Op - I could’ve almost written this myself.

Get an occupational health referral for your fatigue, shoulders etc. This could help support you in a request for extra WFH days.

I’ve had blood tests showing low levels of ferritin, folate, vit D & B12 - I’m just starting supplements and hope this will help with the fatigue/lack of energy. Sounds like it would be worth you doing the same.

Have you seen anyone for your shoulders? Might be worth getting a referral to orthopaedics to see what they can offer.

Id be tempted to get signed off for a couple of weeks to give yourself a break, apply for some different jobs and/or look at the self employed option more.

I work from home 2 days a week and I find it to be chaotic. It is a whirlwind, get up start breakfasts, get kis ready whilst getting myself ready, get kids to school, race back home and straight to work without giving myself any time to just breath and plan for the day ahead. The days I commute to work I leave the chaos behind and get 40 minutes of drive time. Stuck in traffic don't care not my fault. Arrive at work with my mind rested and ready to go. I also use earplugs in work and when not in use I am secretly listening to my favourite podcast.

I just pop them out if someone wants to talk to me, but they are great for deep focus work (drafting, research)

Can you use earplugs in the office? I find the noise draining if I need to really focus. I use loop earplugs but a couple of colleagues have proper noise cancelling headphones

Agree with this, alternating days works well for me

Temporarily would changing one of your wfh days help so wfh Tues and Thurs so not doing consecutive office days. Then longer term make sure the hrt is at the correct dose, try magnesium. If that doesn’t work then look for alternative work.

I'd take a week off, or a couple of weeks. That will give you time to get a bit of perspective and re-set. Sometimes stepping away helps you "see the wood for the trees" and work out whether the issue is really the office based nature of the job, your manager, your health. That will help you know what to really focus on sorting

What supplements are you taking, get a cheap private blood test and check vitamin d, iron, magnesium, thyroid.

id start by supplementing the above anyway, it’s not going to do you any harm. Vitamin b injection, I have this monthly. Everyone should be taking vitamin d in uk. Magnesium at night an hour before bed, this is the best one after my extensive research £22.99 on Amazon.

hows your sex drive and your vagina? Any pain on sex? If so you may need extradiol cream/pessary for vaginal wall thinning. I also slap on testosterone twice a week so I have energy.

its a fucking full time job this shit at our age. 🤦‍♀️

I have vitamin b injections, take all the supplements and if I get any joint pain through my cycle I slap on an extra oestrogen patch

I also take 3mg of melatonin 30 minutes before bed, get it from piping rock and it’s about 6 quid for about 6 months supply

doing all the above took me from 5 hours sleep, early waking at 4am to a full 7 hours every night

also stop drinking water and any liquid at 8pm or you’re getting up for a pee during the night

I would ask for an occupational health referral to get your symptoms officially recorded as a starting point and this may support a request for a reasonable adjustment to work from home more