To ask DH to come to my gay friend's party?

What kind of dress up are we talking here... is he thinking its gonna be like a pride parade?

I cant be bothered with costume party. Loved it when I was younger, too much effort now. Also Halloween is a big night for my own kids so have lifts for my teen and guising for younger one so we are busy.

Would your dh go to a party for your gay friend if it was not a costume party? Ie is not comfortable/cant be bothered dressing up? Or is he not comfortable at any time.

Exactly. I'd add that I'm not sure if the OP has kids or plans to have kids with her husband, but it's also not acceptable for him to be "uncomfortable" around gay men if there's a chance he'll have to parent a gay son (or lesbian daughter).

Well the op has a 'gay friend' so to the op the most relevant bit appears to be them being gay, that comes acts homophobic itself

Do you have a straight couple of friends that you could tell him have invited you to a Halloween party and ask if he wants to go to that? His answer will tell you whether he is homophobic or if his answer is acceptable. If he doesn’t want to go to either party because he feels uncomfortable, I’d assume it’s the Halloween theme that’s the issue, and I’d go alone to my gay friends party. If he leaps at the other party invitation, I would ask him outright why he was ok with that one but not the first invite. I’d then tell him the second party isn’t happening, you wanted to see if he was homophobic or not. Then once you know, you need to decide what you are doing with that knowledge. Are you happy to continue to remain married to a homophobic man? Your BEST FRIEND is gay - how will he feel if you stay in a relationship with someone so openly homophobic? Your friend is important to you, so your husband should be at the very least polite and tolerant of them, regardless of sexuality. I would expect that of any partner with my best friend.

Exactly.

Haha, quite!!!
I worked with my friend (who is gay and married) for years and being a large organisation, a lot didn't know he was gay. Why would they? Anyway, the security guard found out one day while he was in our office and saw a photo of friend and his husband. He was visibly horrified and said 'I won't be bending over in front of him!'. Security guard had managed to work alongside friend for 7 years without suddenly getting assaulted. I did say that friend wouldn't be remotely interested in you! The ego of a very unattractive, years older than friend man thinking that because he has a penis, gay men will be flocking around forcing gayness onto him 😂

The only thing less appealing than a fancy dress party is an insecure, homophobic person.

Ask him why he's uncomfortable going to a party with gay people and what he thinks would happen?

The last time I hung out with straight men who were "uncomfortable" being around gay men was in university, and even in the early 2000s I knew that was red flag (not just romantically but in terms of who I wanted in my social circle).

You can tell a lot about heterosexual men by their attitude towards gay men. If being around gay men is an issue for them - they're actually the issue.

Some gays can be overly annoying and self absorbed and touchy

Wtaf did you just write.

Since your best friend is gay, surely it has come up before whether or not your husband is “comfortable” around gay people??

I don’t really like Halloween or fancy dress, so if a friend of DH’s was throwing this party, I’d be reluctant regardless of sexuality. If it was my friend I’d be more likely to just go.

Yuk. how homophobic is he?!?! This would be immediate ick for me.

Is it because of the guests or simply because he doesn’t like Halloween parties?

I wouldn’t be able to get my husband to a Halloween party regardless of the guest list.

So he has to to show people he is not homophobic yet he can still go and be homophobic

There is no way a woman would be interrogated like this

Is it Halloween? I feel like most hetro men don't love Halloween or dress up at the best of times, compound that with being in the minority where everyone else is on it?

Has your friend had a party before where dh wouldn't go?

It kind of depends on what he's like and what your best friend is like. Do they have anything in common aside from loving you?

If it's going to be very camp, drag-queen-y and over the top and that's not your husband's idea of fun, that's ok. Some people love that, some people hate it.
My DP turns down invitations to themed parties or fancy dress parties because he just hates them and feels awkward. I turn down gaming parties for the same reason.

If it's because he feels awkward being in the minority as a heterosexual bloke around women and gay men, that's pretty flimsy and he can get over himself.

If it's because he's uncomfortable around gay men, he's a homophobe.

A gay. Seriously?

Well I'd ask because if I was in a relationship with someone homophobic I'd want to know.
It would change the way I feel about them.

And we found the homophobe of the thread.

If it was because you’re actually homophobic then your spouse has a right to know that about you.

@zriti
Your husband is uncomfortable socialising with gay men. Homophobia. That’s what it is.

Not wanting to go to a party because he doesn't like parties or he just doesn't fancy it is fair enough.
Not wanting to go because hes uncomfortable around gay people, I'd be very disappointed in him.

Why would i need to say why if i dont want to go to something