To give up on chronically late friend?

I have severe ADHD and am probably on the autistic spectrum. I do have a tendency to be chronically late so I put things in place to mitigate this. My diary always has my hair appointments saved as 15 minutes earlier than they usually are but I'm so forgetful I'm never sure if I've remembered to do that so aim to get there at least when I've noted the appt time.

I know I'm chronically late so if I'm meeting friends I aim to get there early because I also know that arriving late is fucking selfish and tells them that my time is more important than there's (it isn't)

I value my friendships and hope to demonstrate that by arriving on time!

I put a mate on notice after I had ordered and eaten my lunch and she was yet to get in the car and leave. At least an hour or so she arrived after me and I was livid. Never met again and distanced myself from her.

Definitely. Life is too short to waste time and energy on entitled people.

This is my attitude

I work with colleagues who have adhd and they seem to have set-ups that help them get to work on time

With this bloke it's everyone making excuses for him

'Hehe hehe,it's his adhd!you know what hes like!'

Well,no i don't

It's disrespectful and rude,that day id been wake for 18 hours and I was on my knees,ready for bed

All he had to do is leave his house on time,walk the 45 minutes to ours,have a coffee/chat and go home again

He got chatting to God knows who on the way,stopped at the shop and this took 9 and a half hours apparently

It's not an excuse,if his girlfriend had known,she said she would have come instead,but as far as she knew he'd set off half an hour later than we'd agreed and he came home after she'd gone to bed

I wouldn't put up with it but she seems to

Why would you bend your life to accommodate this?

I've had similar. It was "ok" for him to be late but not for me. He lived 5 minutes away so no traffic, etc

We're no longer friends because I got fed up of waiting around for him and being moaned at for being 2 minutes late

If you have severe mental health difficulties, a chronically late friend isn't helpful. Could you arrange the meeting up places to suit you more I wonder? Like in a cafe and don't wait for her to order, you can order a cappuccino or something while she eats or at a bookshop you wanted to look in or something. Or do any online shopping you want to do while you are waiting. But ya, if you're not ok with it and it's happening all the time its understandable. You could meet her less and stress you need her to be on time, that you need to be gone by a certain time or something

SIL said getting MIL to be on time for mine and DH wedding was her greatest achievement in life

SIL sounds like a good egg

Lots of us have adhd and aren’t on meds and manage to not be so inconsiderate and rude as to leave our friends waiting hours for us!!! There is zero excuse!

There can be genuine reasons, but these are rare.
she doesn’t care enough to not keep you waiting.
i had a friend who was very relaxed around timekeeping, it was like it was below her to bother about being punctual.
we meet maybe once a year now, she’s an acquaintance

It is just as extremely rude she's neurodiverse as well

Did you say anything to her about her behaviour?

So it’s not rude if she’s neuro diverse? What if there is an as yet undiscovered condition that explains chronic lateness? And what if there’s another as yet undiscovered condition of neurotic responses to mild lateness? How can we decide what is rude and what isn’t?

My best friend is always late (although never more than half hour or so). I always make sure I either plan that into my timings or have something else to do which I wait for her.

Depends if you want to keep or lose the friendship on what you do.

Neurotypical or not we can all find strategies to be on time if we respect the people we are meeting

I’d leave and be prepared to lose the friendship over it.

I had a friend who was nearly always late. She was always so casual about it, didn't even apologise, found it funny.

Then one time it was me that was running late because I got stuck in traffic and she got really cross about it and was ringing every five minutes asking where I was.

I realised she just valued her time so much more than mine.

It's a really selfish character trait

Leave and wait to see if she contacts you.
life is too short for time wasters.

Just leave. There is no way I would wait nearly an hour for someone who was habitually late. It's just rude.

I would not put up with that.

MIL is chronically late, it’s a family joke, including extended family. I despise it, does she have some kind of undiagnosed condition ? No idea.

She has to travel 200 miles I stopped waiting for her to eat our evening meal, she often arrives around 11pm. Once she was supposed to arrive at 4pm, she rang to say she was just leaving.

SIL said getting MIL to be on time for mine and DH wedding was her greatest achievement in life.

We do not invite her to certain things, she lives right by Legoland. When we took the kids we could have stayed with her and I’m sure she would liked to have come. We stayed in a hotel and didn’t tell her.

It’s reached peak now as it’s DS graduation. DH, DS and myself without discussion all agreed getting her to an early ceremony as it’s 10am would be miserable. So she isn’t invited.

I would just leave. Don’t arrange to see her again and don’t try to manage her behaviour by telling her an earlier time or planning to do something else before meeting

I had this once when my kids where younger. We would agree to meet up at a set time which would be enough time for lunch then I would pick up my children from school. Friend constantly late. The last time was when she was arriving when I was leaving to pick up my kids. She called me rude. Never spoke to her again after that.

Yeah I would leave

I was in this situation once. I've also been the unreliable friend due to my mh.

Yanbu at all, especially with all you have on! She may have problems or she may just be busy and forgetful. Either way, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and she isn't doing that.

Take yourself home and have a little sweet treat and watch This Morning with your feet up. When she asks why, tell her just how hard it was for you to get out today, and that you're feeling let down. xx

(Or you probably would watch something else as I do have horrific taste in tv)

If you’re neurodiverse and not a child then it is also rude. You know your limitations act accordingly.